NFL Week 17 Picks

2-2 vs the spread last week, 52-44-2 for the year. . .

New Orleans +7 at Atlanta: The Falcons would be nuts to play Julio Jones in this game.  They can kick the Saints ass and lock up the NFC #2 seed and a first round playoff bye without him.  I don't think they can beat Seattle and Dallas with Jones limping off the field every other play.  Two weeks rest for Jones is worth 6 points going into the likely divisional round playoff game with the Seahawks.  Atlanta. 

Oakland +1.5 at Denver: How did tough guy Raider HC Jack Del Rio react to starting QB Derek Carr's season-ending injury? In his postgame news conference, Del Rio's eyes were red and wet. No tears fell, but close.  Hey, coach, way to keep the team upbeat, and way to instill confidence in the back-up QB, some guy named Matt McGroin or something.  Hey, coach, you got a nice practice game here to get McGroin ready to lead your team to the Super Bowl.  Gee, don't sit there and cry and act like it's all over.  Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl.  Jake Delhomme almost beat Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the Patriots in a Super Bowl.  Tough guys don't cry.  Tough guys like the challenge of winning when everybody thinks they don't got a chance.  Quit pissing yourself, pull up your pants and get to work.  Even with McGroin, with the players you got left, you should still at least get to the AFC title game in New England.  Then you can piss yourself.  Oakland.

Green Bay -3.5 at Detroit: Ha ha ha ha!  The Lions are a home underdog!  Everybody expects them to complete their choke and blow the North Pole division and a playoff spot.  But Lavender Bay ain't that fucking good. . .their defense is spotty, and even though Aaron Rodgers has been playing very well the last half of the season, he's still a fucking faggot, a pussy faggot scared to come out of the closet.  Nigger Jim Caldwell's job should be on the line in this game.  It was no disgrace to lose at the Giants and Cowboys, but don't lose a title game at home in the last week. The Lions defense was clueless against the Cowboys, Scott Linehan dissected them perfectly. . .but Lions nigger DC Teryl Austin knows the Packers inside and out, and there won't be any surprises Sunday night.  But even more is on the line than Nigger Jim Caldwell's job status, this game is a Matthew Stafford litmus test.  How many more chances is he gonna get to prove he's anything more than an average QB?  Hey, Matty, time to win something, for crying out loud!  Take off those sissy-looking gloves and win a big game, for once!  Otherwise, go join that worthless nigger Calvin Johnson on some faggot TV game show.  Detroit. 

OH, YEAH. . .I hope the Redskins win their game Sunday, so the Lions-Packers game is a true win-or-else game.  If the Redskins lose, the Lions-Packers loser still backs into the playoffs as a Wild Card.  For Detroit and Matthew Stafford especially, they need to prove they can win a big game, straight-up. . .without any Wild Card pill to take the edge off their anxiety level. . .

NFL Week 16 Picks (Sloppy, Hurried Holiday Edition)

5-1 vs the spread last week, 50-42-2 for the year. . .

Minnesota +7 at Green Bay: The Vikings got rolled by one of the softest teams in the League, the Colts, last week. . .I can't imagine that sat too well with Mike Zimmer.  I expect a much better effort from Minnesota this week.  The Lavender Bay Fudge Packers are on a little hot streak, with their faggot QB Aaron Rodgers playing like an All-Pro again, and now Media has them pegged as a *dangerous* team. . .sorry, but their defense isn't good enough for them to be *dangerous.*  Minnesota.

Atlanta -2.5 at Carolina: After playing the Rams and 49ers, the Panthers are gonna seem like the '85 Bears to the Falcons.  It might take the Falcons until late into the second half to get over the shock of having to play a real professional football team.  Atlanta wins late.  Atlanta.

Baltimore +5 at Pittsburgh: This one is for the AFC North Division title.  Steelers have the better offense, the Ravens have the better defense and coach.  Baltimore.

Detroit +7 at Dallas: Lions will keep this one close all the way and beat the spread, and may lead late in the game, but no way the League lets Detroit win this over its #1 Glamour team and block its #2 Glamour team Lavender Bay from winning the NFC North.  The zebras will give the Cowboys some home cookin' late in the 4th quarter to allow Dallas to win.  Detroit.

NFL Week 15 Picks

4-2 vs the spread last week, 45-41-2 for the year. . .

Los Angeles +14 at Seattle: Somebody Goofed Big-Time in the Rams organization!  And the selection of Jared gOOf doomed Jeff Fisher.  Fisher apparently knew from the get-go gOOf sucked, as he sat him for Case Keenum, who himself is a goofball QB.  But the idiot fans and Media kept clamoring for gOOf, and the front office probably kept pressuring Fisher, also.  Fisher finally broke, and sat Keenum, whose borderline mediocrity could have gotten the Rams to 7-9 or 8-8 and kept Fisher employed.  Fisher must have crossed his fingers when he threw gOOf out there, for he had to know what the results would be: loss after loss after loss, with the last couple being embarrassing ass-kickings.  Last week #44 for Atlanta *sacked* gOOf with a pinky promise:

Never seen a QB go down so EZ, and I have to believe his teammates took note, as their level of effort seriously declined as they realized what a sissy QB they have for a *leader.*  Todd Gurley was upset about this on the sideline, but he'll learn. . .in college you can get away with a fag QB, there's a lot of rah-rah school spirit and shit to keep dumb kids motivated, but at the next level, when you're one play away from having mashed potatoes for brains, players ain't gonna *leave it all on the field* for a faggot QB who'll just end up costing them the game, anyway.  The next coach for the Rams better get a guarantee from management that he can move on from gOOf, and not have some impossible mandate to *fix* him, because gOOf looks to be the biggest coach-killer to hit the National Football League since Joey Harrington.  As for the Seahawks, they continue to play like an NFL bottom-feeder on the road, as they got crushed in Green Bay. . .but now they're back at home, and won't even need their usual helping of home-cookin' from the zebras to beat the Rams.  Seattle.   

Green Bay -6.5 at Chicago: What's gotten into Aaron Rodgers (butt)?  He's back to his Glory (Hole) Days the last three weeks.  Still, I'm not sold on the Fudge Packers winning out and saving their season.  Rodgers may be doing a little too much fudge packing himself, as he seems to have over-exerted his thighs and calves, he looks like he's about one scramble away from having to hit the bench.  Record-wise, the Bears are in the same league as the Rams, Jets and 49ers, but as with Jacksonville, they actually have a solid defense, and if they could just get a difference maker at QB, they could flip their 1-5 record in games decided by 7 points or less.  This will be a low-scoring cold weather game, and with the Bears getting a generous 6.5 points, it's an EZ pick:  Chicago.  

Detroit +4.5 at New York Giants: Poor Lions fans. . .just when it looked like Dee-troit had the North Pole division and a home playoff game locked up, Matthew Stafford gets his middle finger broken, and now the entire Mitten State is in a state of depression, envisioning Stafford throwing the ball like Derek *busted pinky* Carr did against the Chiefs, and the Lions losing their last 3 games and missing the playoffs.  The Giants are almost a mirror-image of the Lions.  Both teams are 9-4, with 8 wins by 7 points or less.  Neither team can run the ball, and both have underwhelming statistical defenses that somehow manage to hold most teams under 20 points.  The difference in this game?  No broken finger for Eli Manning.  New York.  

Indianapolis +4 at Minnesota: This is an Elimination Bowl, as the loser can kiss their playoff hopes goodbye.  Andrew Luck is the League's most over-rated QB, but he's still 10x better than the Vikings faggot Samantha Bradford.  But that's the Colts only edge.  Everything else favors the home team.  Minnesota.

San Francisco +13.5 at Atlanta: The 49ers somehow blew a 17-3 home lead against a Jets team that had already quit on the season, and now they gotta go to Atlanta to play a team battling for a Division title.  December football was supposed to be tough, but apparently the National Football League had an SEC guy do the Falcons schedule.  Last week they got to tee off on Jared gOOf, this week they get the clown quarterback Colin Halfernigger!  More highlight reel sacks for Atlanta's #44.  Atlanta.    

Tampa Bay +7 at Dallas: One loss and already there's a QB controversy on the Dallas horizon.  I think that's got to mess with the rookie nigger QB's head. . .one poor game and already Romo whispers are being heard. . .if Tampa can keep the Dallas rookie nigger running back from breaking the big runs, and keep the heat on the rookie nigger QB, I think the QB breaks.  UPSET SPECIAL.  Tampa Bay.  

NFL Week 14 Picks

2-4 vs the spread last week, 41-39-2 for the year. . .

Oakland +3.5 at Kansas City: Man, this was THE game when I was a kid. . .the Raiders with *The Mad Bomber,* Daryle Lamonica, vs the Chiefs with the thinking man's QB, Len Dawson.  Both teams had white running backs!   Marv Hubbard and Ed Podolak!  The Raiders were the outlaws with John Madden as their coach, while the Chiefs were technicians under the scholarly Hank Stram. . .but the Chiefs weren't sissies, like those faggy Don Shula Miami Dolphins!  No, sir!  They didn't take no shit from Oakland.  Curley Culp and Buck Buchanan would bust you in the chops.  No, those games were wars. . .real football, back when you could clothesline a guy, and rip the QB's head off!  Jack Del Rio is trying as much as he can to get back to tough football, but with these modern rules, it's really just a pale imitation of the good old days. . .but let's face it, this is about as good as the National Safety & Parity League gets, anymore, so we might as well try to enjoy it, while we fondly remember that better bygone era.  The Chiefs lucked out again last week and stole one from Atlanta with a fake punt and a pick six and a pick two, but they'll need more than luck to win this one.  Derek Carr could have easily played for John Madden, but Alex Smith couldn't even have been a water boy for Hank Stram.  Raiders all the way.  Oakland.   

Cincinnati -6 at Cleveland: Back to RGIII for the Browns.  4 is the over/under on how many series until he gets injured again, and Josh McClown has to trot back onto the field.  Ha ha ha.  This looked like the Browns last best chance for a win, until the Bengals suddenly woke up last week and pasted the Eagles, and gave themselves a small chance of still winning their division, since they have games left against the Steelers and Ravens.  I figure Cincy will play this one straight, and surely that old fox Marv Lewis will use the humiliation of losing to Cleveland as a motivating factor, as he did a couple years ago when the Browns threw the midget at him.  Cincinnati.   

Chicago +8 at Detroit: Almost 3 full years in as head coach of the Dee-troit Lions, we have to ask what seemed most assuredly *no* when he was first hired: is Jim Caldwell actually a good football coach?  The overwhelming majority of Lions fans have despised Caldwell, and had only the day he would be fired to look forward to.  But now it seems likely he will take the Lions to the playoffs for the second time in three years, and when one considers the Lions record of 356-481-17 (.427) since their last championship in 1957, his 26-18-0 (.591) record must, incredibly, be considered a *Golden Era* of Dee-troit football, alongside the 46-34-0 '91-'95 Wayne Fontes - Barry Sanders *run* of 3 Wild Card Game & 1 NFC Championship Game appearances.  So is Nigger Jim actually a good coach?  While he remains an undeniable game day disaster, almost always making the wrong strategic decision (including the moronic 4th and inches fourth quarter punt from the Cowboy 40 in the infamous *referees pick up the flag* Detroit-Dallas playoff game), one must concede the Lions have never quit on Nigger Jim, despite awful 1-7 and 1-3 starts the last two seasons, and the Lions always seem schematically prepared for their opponents.  And one must give credit to Nigger Jim for hiring Teryl Austin as his defensive coordinator, as Austin has managed to craft a serviceable defense with well below-average talent.  Credit to Caldwell also for promoting the regrettably-named Jim Bob Cooter to offensive coordinator after Matthew Stafford looked like he was settling comfortably into Jay Cutler mode. . .since that change the Lions are 14-6 and Stafford has played like a Pro Bowl QB.   So is Jim Caldwell actually a good coach?  Have we judged him unfairly because, frankly, he looks like a dumb old-time nigger?  Certainly if he were white, we wouldn't be asking this question, and there'd probably already be a statue of him out in front of Ford Field for giving Lions fans a small of handful of games to watch with more at stake than what high draft pick they'll botch. . .but Caldwell IS an old-time nigger, so, unfair as it is, he must do more to prove his worth. . .probably nothing short of a Super Bowl appearance would be convincing of his ability.  That's just the way it is.  As for this game, the Bears actually have a good defense, so we should have a return to the *Lions Win Late In A Squeaker* headline.  Chicago. 
  

Minnesota -3.5 at Jacksonville: Ol' Popeye Zimmer might tear out his one good eye after watching his Vikings blow this one. . .yup, the Vikes are a sinking ship, and I think even pathetic Jacksonville with the Charly-like Blake Bortles can eke out a win over the faggot Samantha *Dinker* Bradford, who never met a three yard pass that didn't make her wet.  I'll be shocked if either team scores a touchdown on offense.  And if ever a guy deserved a charity win from the football gods, it's the Jaguars hapless Gus Bradley, who has remained heroically cheerful through four god-awful years in the panhandle.  Jacksonville.

Atlanta -6 at Los Angeles: Dan Quinn must be feeling the heat, he didn't *give credit* to the Chiefs after the Falcons' Matt Ryan tossed away the game last week with an *oh fuck!* pick two.  Now suddenly tied for the Division lead with Tampa, Quinn knows no excuse in the book will cut it for a loss to the shitty Rams and their rookie QB Trish Goff.  There'd be no pressure if Quinn were facing New England or Seattle, a loss could be tolerated, but it is EXPECTED that the Falcons win this game, and hence comes the pressure, the fear of having to explain away the colossal failure of being beaten by a terrible team that has already given up on 2016, and now plays out the string with Goff as practice for 2017.  And the pressure of meeting expectations doesn't let up. . .because Quinn's got two even worse teams coming up the next two weeks: the 49ers and Panthers.  Just imagine the magnitude of the failure if the Falcons, sitting at 7-5 and with a gift three game stretch of Rams, 49ers, Panthers, somehow stumble out of the playoffs.  Unacceptable.  A fireable offense.  Somebody who ain't getting fired, apparently, is Jeff Fisher, whose litany of excuses is exhaustively detailed here. Atlanta.

Seattle -3 at Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers has played a little better the last couple weeks--maybe he has a new faggot to share his bed?  Still this isn't vintage Green Bay. . .and it ain't vintage Seattle, either.  These teams aren't the class of the NFC anymore, and while Seattle still looks like a threat, they showed in Tampa a couple weeks ago that outside of Seattle and without *home cookin'* from the zebras, they are very ordinary. . .in fact they're only 2-3-1 on the road, and with the NFC looking like it will run through Dallas, I wouldn't put any money on Seattle to make it to the Super Bowl.  Green Bay. 

NFL Week 13 Picks

3-0-1 vs the spread last week, 39-35-2 for the year. . .

Dallas -3.5 at Minnesota: Make no mistake, that was a devastatingly bad end game INT the faggot Samantha Bradford tossed up against Detroit on Thanksgiving. . .they lost the game, the North Pole Division lead, and the short-term future, because it highlighted the folly of giving a 1st and 4th round draft pick for a failed faggot QB. . .if there's one thing that can break a defense, it's having to play for a homo QB who wets himself in the big moments. . .if the Vikings recover from that catastrophic Bradford INT and find some way to beat the Cowboy juggernaut, I'll shit my pants and send the mess to Bradford to beat-off with.  Dallas. 

Kansas City +3.5 at Atlanta: One of the most interesting match-ups of the season.  You have Atlanta, with undeniably one of the best offenses in the League, going against an 8-3 Chiefs team which, except for rushing the passer, doesn't do much of anything.  KC is 27th in total offense and 28th in total defense, and their QB, Alex Smith, now looks like his pre-Jim Harbaugh mediocre self. . .the Chiefs should be a bad team. . .and yet they win.  What's the Chief's secret?  They are +14 in turnovers, i.e., Kansas City is lucky as Hell, plain and simple.  If this game were played in computer simulation, without any ability to factor in *random football chaos,* Atlanta would win by at least 14.  Atlanta.  

Detroit +5.5 at New Orleans: Tough match-up for Dee-troit, which has got most of its wins against the likes of Samantha Bradford, Case Keenum and Blake Bortles, crappy QBs running low-octane offenses, perfect tomato cans for the Lions to kick around with a bunch of 4th quarter Matthew Stafford field goal drives.  The Lions have scored over 24 points only four times this season, and even though the Saints are a lousy team, they can still pile up the points, they've been held to under 24 only 3 times.  The Lions defense hangs tough most games, but this time they got to go against a real NFL quarterback.  The Lions have trailed in the 4th quarter every game this year, that trend will continue.  All their games have been decided by 7 points or less, that trend won't.  New Orleans.  

Los Angeles +13.5 at New England: The Rams are 4-7, and Jeff Fisher is in danger of falling out of his 7-9, 8-8 job safety zone.  When this has happened in years past, Fisher always managed to poach a big upset, usually against Seattle, to get his team back on track to .500.  The Patriots looked like a sure Super Bowl winner in Tom Brady's first 4 post-suspension games, but in the last three, they've lost to Seattle and had unimpressive wins over the shitty 49ers and Jets.  The Patriots have only an average run defense, so this may finally be the week poor Todd Gurley finds a little room to run.  UPSET SPECIAL.  Los Angeles. 

San Francisco +2.5 at Chicago: While the 49ers are 28th in total offense and 31st in total defense, and thus look on paper like the 1-10 team they are, the Bears are 16th in total offense and 11th in total defense, so how the Hell have they only won 2 games?  They should be a 4 or 5 win team at least, and yet here they are, entering the ring for a sissy fight with the boys from San Francisco.  I've always thought John Fox was one of the better coaches, I mean, he almost beat Tom Brady and the Patriots for a Super Bowl with Jake Delhomme as his QB!  But Fox has really struggled in his two years with the Bears. . .is he the new Jeff Fisher?  With the Browns on a bye, the loser of this game is the National Football League's Week 13 Laughingstock.  Chicago. 

New York Giants +5.5 at Pittsburgh: You can tell the *experts* think the Lions and Giants are *smoke-and-mirrors* teams, they're both getting a generous 5.5 points against *inferior* (record-wise) teams.  The *experts* are probably right.  The Giants coach, Ben McaWho?, is a Coach of the Year front-runner, while nigger coach Mike Tomlin once again is doing his best to keep a Super Bowl talent team out of the playoffs.  If the Steelers play an honest game, they'll crush the Giants.  Pittsburgh.

NFL Week 12 Picks

3-3-1 vs the spread last week, 36-35-1 for the year. . .

Ha! Did Pete Carroll walk into an Assistant Coaches store one day, wander down the Eternally Optimistic Good Sport aisle, spot the Bald w/Moustache+Goatee model Defensive Coordinator, and say, "I'll take two of those?"

Pete Carroll's last two DCs, Dan Quinn and Gus Bradley, are the same fucking guy!  Not only do they look alike, they have the same 12 Step Program *Serenity To Accept The Things They Cannot Change* mentality, even in the face of the most bitter defeats:

As quintessential Good Sports, they both give credit to the opponent their team gives a game away to, then proceed to find the proverbial Silver Lining in the Dark Cloud of Defeat. Bradley especially must have a drawer full of these babies:



The Apostle Paul had this to say about testing a man's work to reveal his philosophical foundation:

Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.

With his 14-44 career record, Bradley's seen more than enough flames to prove he's a True Believer.  And there he was again Sunday, after his team's latest disaster, giving away a game when one of the Jaguar defensive linemen fell for the oldest trick in the book, getting suckered into jumping offside on a 4th-and-1 late in the final quarter. . .Bradley remained ever-positive and upbeat, cheering his pathetic squad's effort even while knowing, deep down, their bungling play has left him just 6 games to coach before his head hits the chopping block.

Yes, after enduring four years of Jacksonville Hell, Gus Bradley's gotta be a Master Disciple of the 12 Step School.  

As for Dan Quinn, we have the winner's paradox: he hasn't lost enough to reveal the authenticity of the gospel he preaches.  

In the eyes of the world, Gus Bradley is a loser.  But he's a High Priest in the Cult of Perpetual Defeat, where no loss is ever final, and where the sad-sack who falls off the wagon achieves victory simply by cheerfully starting all over again.

But a word to the wise, Gus: A prophet is not without honor, except in his own home:

Minnesota +3 at Detroit: It's late November and the Lions are actually playing a game that matters?!?!  First place in the NFC North Pole Division is on the line in this battle between very flawed elf teams.  The Vikings snapped a four game losing streak against Arizona with a couple fluke 100 yard plays, and in the process sent Cardinal HC Bruce Arians to the ER with *chest pains.*  Both teams have horrible offensive lines and non-existent run games.  The Lions are better at QB, WR and kicker.  The Vikings are superior all across the board on defense, and are better coached.  Defense travels.  Defense wins championships.  Minnesota.

Washington +7.5 at Dallas: 9 in a row for Dallas and their negro wonder boy rookies, Prescott and Elliott.  The Redskins are on a pretty good streak as well, 6-1-1 since starting the season 0-2, but most of those games have been against the NFL's middle class, teams hovering at or just above or just below .500, so it's hard to tell how good they really are.  The Law of Averages in the National Parity League says the Cowboys are due for a loss, but the Law of Averages also says shitty coach Jay Gruden is also due for a loss.  I'll take the team getting the points.  Washington.

Arizona +4 at Atlanta: At the time I type this, Bruce Arians is still alive, and still expected to coach this game, having recovered from *chest pains* after watching his team give away a game to the Vikings. As it turns out, Arians is something of a hypochondriac, having multiple hospital calls during his long coaching career, claiming ear infections, kidney stones, migraines, even colon and prostate cancer.  If he really did suffer all those ailments, how come he's so fat?  Usually the terminally ill are pencil thin.  Anyway, the Cardinals have been a major disappointment, mainly due to the decline of Carson Palmer.  Palmer's looked washed up a couple times prior, but this time, at age 37, he might be finished for good.  Arizona's defense is still decent, and they have a running back, David Johnson, who could cause Atlanta's mediocre defense some problems.  They should be able to hang around for most of the game, but in the 4th quarter, when they need Palmer to make a play or two, they'll be out of luck.  Atlanta scores late to win the game and cover.  Atlanta.

Los Angeles +7 at New Orleans:  Trish Goff vs Drew Brees. . .'nuff said.  New Orleans.

BONUS COLLEGE GAMES:

TCU +2.5 at Texas: The failed Texas nigger head coach Charlie Strong has been playing the victim ever since his Longhorns did the impossible and lost to Kansas, and it became apparent he wasn't merely on the *hot seat,* but would undoubtedly be fired.  Strong used his Monday press conference to once again blame his sorry-ass 16-20 record (the worst head coaching record in the proud history of UT football) on Mack Brown once (for *leaving the cupboard bare*), Mack Brown twice (for leaving him with 9 bad apples he had to kick off the team), and Media (for creating *noise* which caused his players, who love him so much, to try too hard to save his job, causing them to choke on the field).  Strong has always painted himself as a victim. . .he claims he was passed over for jobs in the SEC (for which he assumes we will believe he was qualified) because he has a white wife, for example.  Because of his race and his constant crying about being victimized, Media always portrays Brown in the best possible light, saying what a *great man* he is, a *great leader,* etc., etc. while covering up his extra-marital affair at Louisville and not mentioning how little loyalty he has, firing assistant coaches at the drop of a dime to scapegoat them for Texas' sorry-ass play.  I can't believe any Big Time program doesn't know the truth, that Strong is a shitty coach who failed at Texas, and I'd be shocked if he ever got a Big Time job again. . .but I won't be shocked when he cries how hard it is for nigger coaches to get a second chance.  As for the game, TCU's defense has completely fallen apart, and monster Texas RB D'Onta Foreman should have no problem getting another 200 yard performance, sending crybaby Strong off into the sunset with a meaningless victory he will claim proves *how close* Texas is.  Texas.     

Michigan +7 at Ohio State: Michigan has the better defense, but it is a gambling defense that can get burned for the big play.  Against bottom-feeder teams like Rutgers and Maryland, it's no problem, but it almost got them beat by Colorado, but they managed to KO the Buffaloes QB before he could beat them on points.  JT Barrett is very similar to the Colorado QB, and is probably the difference maker in what on paper looks like a toss-up game.  Ohio State.

NFL Week 11 Picks

2-5 vs the spread last week, 33-32 for the year. . .

We've played enough football now where we can review my season preview and get an idea of how I did:

Season Preview

Division Winners:

AFC East: New England--on the money
AFC North: Cincinnati--could still win this shitty division, but doubtful
AFC South: Houston--on the money
AFC West: Oakland--on the money
AFC Wild Cards: Pittsburgh, New York Jets--way off!!

NFC East: New York--not bad, but didn't see Dallas coming
NFC North: Detroit--on the money. . .so far. . .will probably let me down
NFC South: Carolina--way off, shocked how bad Rivera's defense has been
NFC West: Arizona--way off 
NFC Wild Cards: Seattle, Atlanta--underestimated them both a little, both look like sure division winners

AFC Flop of the Year: Indianapolis--on the money
NFC Flop of the Year: Green Bay--on the money


Super Bowl: Arizona over Cincinnati--way, way, way off

Biggest misses were Chiefs and Cowboys, still don't think Chiefs have the weapons on offense to do much damage in the playoffs.  Not 100% convinced on Dak Prescott yet. . .and Dallas' defense isn't good enough.

My Revised Super Bowl pick would be: Oakland over Seattle

Pittsburgh -9 at Cleveland: Nigger Cleveland head coach Hue Jackson has lost ten in a row, nigger head coach Mike TomLin has lost four in a row.  Lesson: Don't hire a nigger to coach a National Football League team.  Expect a sloppy, penalty-filled game with neither Welfare Queen team giving more than a minimal effort.  Cleveland.  

Baltimore +7.5 at Dallas: The Ravens just might have the defense to slow down the Cowboys negro rookie wonder boys, Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott.  Remember when Joe Flacco was a Super Bowl MVP and one of the best Playoff QBs of All-Time?  Yup, he's faded even more than the faggot Aaron Rodgers.  The Ravens should be able to hang in there just enough to cover.  Baltimore.

Jacksonville +7 at Detroit: The Jaguar defense hasn't forced a turnover in 23 quarters, nearly 6 full games!!  This is the Law of Averages National Football League, so the Jags are due a shitload of fumbles and INTs.  The Lions haven't won a division title since 1993, yet this elf team somehow finds itself leading the NFC North Pole Division.  Well, the Lions have won only 1 playoff game in the last 59 years, and how is that even possible in the the Law of Averages National Football League?  Since the Lions futility has a history of defying the odds, it is more likely in this game that Jax gets their shitload of turnovers than Dee-troit continues a winning march to a division title.  This will probably be inept white coach Gus Bradley's last-ever win.  Jacksonville. 

Miami EVEN at Los Angeles: The Dolphins looked worse than the Browns at the start of the season, but have it turned it around the last 4 weeks, and it hasn't been due to new head coach/QB whisperer Adam Gase turning on any lightbulbs in mediocre QB Ryan Tannehill's head. . .Tannehill is still mediocre, but Gase figured out a work-around: run the fucking football.  Yup, an old school run game with draft-pick-bust-turned-All-Pro halfback Jay Ajayi has remade the Dolphins into a Wild Card contender.  Even the defense has begun to play better, perhaps due to not having to rush back onto the field every four snaps. . .last week the Dolphins Donkeykong Suh-led line finally looked like they hoped it would when they threw a Brinks truck load of money at the QB tripper/kicker/stomper, as they frightened Phillip Rivers into a horrible 4 pick game.  And so this is the week eternal head coach Jeff Fisher chooses to turn the Rams corpse-like offense over to rookie #1 draft pick Jared Goff!  Goff looked feeble in the preseason, and now after being ignored for 9 weeks, supposedly he has *absorbed* some QB magick by standing on the sideline watching Case Keenum's stumbles and bumbles?  Ha. . .right.  Take the Dolphin's defense this week in Fantasy Football.  Miami. 

Philadelphia +7 at Seattle: The Eagles managed something no other team has, they stalled Atlanta's offense. . .they beat the Falcons with a nickel-and-dime pass attack and a surprisingly strong rushing attack, but I doubt they can duplicate that winning formula against the Seahawk defense. . .Carson Wentz is gonna have to be able to challenge Seattle down the field, but so far in his rookie season, he hasn't shown that ability.  This should be a defense dominated game, with Seattle winning, but not covering.  Philadelphia.

Green Bay +2.5 at Washington: The Fudge Packers looked like a team ready to quit on their faggot QB in their embarrassing performance in Tennessee.  Challenged by Erin Rodgers to show more *energy,* the Fudge Packers came out and promptly gave up 21 straight points to the Remember The Titans Suck, the game was over in the first quarter, with both teams then enjoying 45 stress-free minutes of garbage time football.  The Fudge Packers have packed it on their faggot *leader.*  As long as Kirk Cousins keeps his evil Kirk CousINTs personality suppressed, the Redskins will have no problem cornholing Lavender Bay.  Washington.  

Houston +5.5 at Oakland: Broke Osweiler vs Derek Carr. . .'nuff said.  Oakland.

NFL Week 10 Picks

4-1 vs the spread last week, 31-27 for the year. . .

Cleveland +10 at Baltimore: The Browns are now more than half-way to joining the 2008 Dee-troit Lions in the National Football League Hall of Shame 0-16 Wing.  How do the two teams compare?  The 2008 Lions finished 30th in total offense at 268.2 yards per game, while the 2016 Browns are only slightly below average, 19th at 341 yards per game.  On defense, the Lions were dead last, 32nd at 404.4 yards per game, while the Browns are 31st at 421.7 yards.  The average score of the Lions game was Opponent 32.3, Dee-troit 16.8.  For the Browns, it's Opponent 30.3, Browns 18.6.  We must conclude the Browns do not quite yet measure down to the 2008 Lions, and we therefore further conclude at some point they will win a game. . .and it could very well be this one, as the Browns actually have a better offense than the Ravens, and while Baltimore's defense is much better, if the Browns get a couple turnovers, a big special teams play or two, this could be their magick Sunday. . .but probably not.  Still, I find it hard to believe the Ravens could beat anybody by 10 points.  Cleveland.

Green Bay -3 at Tennessee: Faggot QB-in-Decline Aaron Rodgers pointed the finger at teammates after last week's embarrassing home loss to the lightweight Colts, saying his Fudge Packers didn't bring enough energy to the game.  I don't think being called out by a faggot is going to go over very well in an NFL locker room, and I wouldn't be surprised if his linemen intentionally whiff their first pass blocks, sending a message to their queer QB by letting him get face-planted.  The losses might come fast and furious now for GB.  The Titans are improving, they have a decent power run game, and Marcus Mariota is better than I thought he'd be. . .and he's clearly better than the nigger drafted ahead of him, the rapist Jameis Winston.  Tennessee.  

Minnesota +3 at Washington: The Vikings defense is starting to crack under the pressure of having to carry a faggot Samantha Bradford offense.  Last week they gave up a game-tying FG on the last drive of the 4th quarter, and an 87 yard game-losing TD drive at the beginning of overtime.  Loser of three in a row, Mike Zimmer tried to place most of the blame on inept kicker Blair Walsh, holding kicking tryouts early in the week, yet then lacked the guts to cut Walsh.  Zimmer's been on a strictly upward curve for his entire 2 1/2 years as Minnesota's head man, but with a fourth straight loss, he'd be facing his first coaching crisis.  The Redskins are one of the NFL's fifteen teams even or one game plus or minus .500. . .the great middle class of professional football.  The Vikings are severely limited on offense, yet have the better defense and better head coach, and are getting points.  Can't pass that up.  Minnesota.

Atlanta EVEN at Philadelphia: Eagles are trending down, as QB Carson Wentz is looking more and more like a rookie each week.  The Falcons offense is operating with machine precision, and not even the Eagles ace DC Psycho Jim Schwartz will be able to stop them.  Philly's only hope is to knock Matt Ryan out of the game and get a couple gifts from backup QB Matt *Pick Six* Schaub.  Atlanta.    

Denver +2 at New Orleans: Denver's a Super Bowl champ just starting its slide to mediocrity, while the Saints have already been there for a few seasons.  There's still enough juice left in the Bronco defense to hold off Drew Brees, who's at the point in his career where he can only beat NFL bottom feeders.  Denver.  

Dallas +2.5 at Pittsburgh: The Steelers have lost three in a row, the Cowboys have won seven in a row.  The Law of Averages rules the National Parity League.  Pittsburgh.

Seattle +7 at New England: Seattle's once punishing run game has completely disappeared, but they got another lucky, zebra-aided Monday Night win against the Bills last week, now they go against a Pats team that is winning by double digits every game with Tom Brady back under center.  New England's defense is second in the NFL in points allowed, but rank only 15th overall, telling me they've been a little lucky themselves on that side of the ball.  It won't hurt them here against a mediocre Seahawk offense, but could be their undoing in the Playoffs or Superbowl if they have to face a loaded O like Oakland or Atlanta.  New England.

NFL Week 9 Picks

4-2 vs the spread last week, 27-26 for the year. . .

Atlanta -3.5 at Tampa Bay: The Falcons are coming off a big crossroads win over Green Bay which should put them on the path to a Division title.  The Buccaneers did the impossible last week: lost a game in which their opponent was flagged 23 times for 200 yards.  The biggest problem for the Bucs is their QB isn't as good as they thought he was gonna be.  Some games he looks like an All-Pro, other games he looks like Case Keenum. . .in other words, he's a nigger version of Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Atlanta.      

Pittsburgh EVEN at Baltimore: This game used to be must-watch NFL, but the Ravens roster has deteriorated badly, and while the Steelers still have Super Bowl talent, their QB limps on and off the field almost as much as Reggie Bush did.  Supposedly old Big Ben is gonna give it a shot Sunday, but, really, the Steelers could win this game with Landry Jones. . .but, oh yeah, I forgot the Steelers are coached by nigger Mike Tomlin, who somehow always manages to find a way to get his team to play below their potential.  Pittsburgh. 

Detroit +7 at Minnesota: Man, what happens if the Vikings lose this game??  Mike Zimmer blew a gasket two weeks ago after Minny lost their first game to an Eagles team that blew apart their crummy O-Line, and then he must have shit in Norv Turner's mouth after the Bears punked them last week, because out of the blue the old journeyman coach Norv up and quits on Zimmer and the Vikings. . .quits right in the middle of a season that still could end in a Super Bowl run.  Zimmer has to be one A-1 prick to work for if a lifer coach like Norv quits when you're sitting 5-2.  Zimmer needs to take a realistic look at his offense: the O-Line is filled with scrap heap parts, Teddy Bridgewater (who wasn't Johnny Unitas, to begin with) and #28 are out for the year, the receivers are mediocre, and you had to get the cast-off faggot Samantha Bradford to girl-throw the ball.   What did Zimmer expect Norv Turner to do with that crap?  You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.  What Zimmer really should be worrying about is the way his defense got run over by the Bears rookie running back Jordan Howard.  The Vikings are gonna live and die on their defense, and if it's already cracking from the strain of having to carry the faggot Bradford, then that's where Zimmer needs to stick his nose, not in Norv Turner's face.  This is probably the best week for Dee-troit to play the Vikings, while they are in mini-turmoil.  I don't see the Lions being able to run the ball like the Bears did, but Matt Stafford only needs a couple scores for the Lions to beat the spread.  Vikings will win, but won't cover.  Detroit.

New Orleans -3 at San Francisco: The Saints have won three of their last four, and have crawled back into the NFC South race. Now they get to play the NFC's worst team, so they'll look like contenders for one more week.  After this game, expect the Saints to start losing again.  The 49ers are hopeless, only a great professional football coach could get this team, with its two shitty QBs (Blame Gabbert and Colin Halfernigger) to be even mediocre, and Chip Kelly ain't a great professional football coach. . .that must be obvious even to him, now, and I suspect he's planning his return to college (Texas? LSU? USC? Oregon Part II?) while he goes through the motions of what will probably be a 2-14 season.  The line on this game is a joke.  Bet the house on the Saints.  New Orleans.

Denver EVEN at Oakland: Just like the old days, the Raiders and Broncos battling it out for the AFC West Division.  The Raiders pulled off one of the most improbable wins in NFL history last week, overcoming the zebras who were trying to fix the game for Tampa while tossing 23 flags at them, AND they had to survive two late missed field goal attempts from their pollack kicker.  Derek Carr had one of the All-Time great games.  Flag after flag came raining down on him, but he just kept throwing darts, and ended up with a 500 yard/4 TD game.  Carr might be, he just might be the #2 QB in the League behind the Legend, Tom Brady.  Denver's defense is 10x better than the Raiders. . .but with their shitty offense, their defense would have to be 20x better for the Broncos to win. Carr is the difference.  Oakland.  

NFL Week 8 Picks

2-4 vs the spread last week, 23-24 for the year. . .

The Vikings were 5-0 going into the Eagles game. . .the Vikings were a very limited offense even at full strength with Teddy Bridgewater and #28. . .then they lost those guys and had to make a horrible desperation trade to get Samantha Bradford in a faggy gamble to save their season.  So, look, they go on the road at 5-0 with a mediocre faggot-led offense and play a decent team with an above average defense. . .not surprisingly, the Vikes take their first loss of the season. . .it ain't a shocker, by any means. . .they didn't give it away, they simply ran into an opponent with a DC (Jim Schwartz) who knew how to strip down Samantha Bradford and make her offense look like a rape victim.  After that kind of game, most coaches would say, hey, it's a tough league, nobody goes 16-0, we're disappointed we didn't play better, but we'll regroup and get back on track next week. . .that's what most coaches say because they're happy as shit to still be 5-1.  Not Mike Zimmer.  He cannot accept losing.  He refuses to accept that his offense can only be horse shit.  Zimmer was fuming after the Eagles pushed his offensive line around. . .he called his offensive line "soft" and a "sieve," and when asked if he considered removing fragile Samantha Bradford to protect her from the beating she was taking, Zimmer seemed offended and disgusted by the suggestion:

That's why, sooner or later, Zimmer will win a Super Bowl. . .he will not excuse non-performance, even from faggots.

Then there's Dan Quinn, whose Falcons blew a big lead and dropped a home game against the usually-choker Chargers. . .Quinn's in danger of seeing a second consecutive hot start to a season fizzle away to nothing. . .and yet he remained his usual seeming unconcerned self.  Quinn accepts defeat with the equanimity of a seasoned 12 Stepper, thoroughly indoctrinated into the program's founding prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: 

I don't know if Quinn's Alcoholics Anonymous approach will work. . .but this Sunday's game against Green Bay should be telling.  If he has to stand up there again Sunday and give credit to the Packers, like they're a Higher Power, with his Falcons dropping back to .500 after another hot start to the year, then it becomes reasonable to doubt Quinn's methods. . .

Jacksonville +3.5 at Tennessee: The end is near for Gus Bradley.  A team that was supposed to be on the rise is playing as shitty as it ever has (18-57 since they stupidly fired Jack Del Rio), and QB Blake Bortles has suffered a shocking regression, he's worse than Case Keenum, and almost at the abysmal Colin Halfernigger level.  This division game against a crappy team is Bradley's Last Stand, but Custer probably had better odds at Little Big Horn.  Tennessee.

Oakland +1.5 at Tampa Bay: Two high-scoring teams with shitty defenses. . .take the team with the good head coach and the quarterback who don't rape white women.  Oakland.

Seattle -2.5 at New Orleans: Seattle's offense looked like Rutgers against Michigan for most of the Sunday night game, but going up against New Orleans defense is like going up against Texas Tech's, even Seattle's shitty offense can score on the Saints.  Drew Brees is having another *great* (phantasy) year for a team that loses twice as many games as it wins.  Sean Payton may be on his way to becoming the next Jeff Fisher.  Seattle.

Detroit +2.5 at Houston: Brock Osweiler looks like a bust, yet another Bill O'Brien QB mistake. . .but the Texans do have a good run game, and, even without the Great White Hype JJ Watt, they still have an average defense, and that's enough to lead the lousy AFC South.  Matthew Stafford engineered a great game-winning drive against the Redskins last week that left Jay Gruden standing on the sideline with a stupid look on his dumb face.  Ol' Matty has almost single-handedly kept a terrible Lions team in the Wild Card picture, and, sadly for Dee-troit fans, also kept Nigger Jim Caldwell employed. . .but the Lions already porous defense lost another player to injury, Darius Slay, so now they line up against the Texans without their best corner, linebacker and tackle.  Even Defrock Osweiler should be able to put up enough points on the board to get a W.  Houston.  

Green Bay +2.5 at Atlanta: If I were a Falcons fan, I would be very disheartened if, after punking out against the Chargers, my team didn't come out angry and kick the shit out of a very beatable, very average, faggot quarterbacked Green Bay team.  If Atlanta comes out flat and lets homo Rodgers get on top of them, put them in a corn-hole, and drop them to their knees, I'd have to question Dan Quinn's leadership skills.  This may very well be the biggest regular season game Quinn ever coaches. . .this is a fork-in-the-road game. . .I'll give Quinn the benefit of the doubt this one last time.  Atlanta.

Philadelphia +4.5 at Dallas: A battle of half-wits between former failed Dee-troit Lions head coaches, as current defensive coordinators Psycho Jim Schwartz and Rod *My Shovel Is Sharp* Marinelli try to confuse the other team's rookie QB.  Schwartz has the tougher task, as not only is the Dallas rook, Dak Prescott, playing better than Philly's Carson Wentz, but the Cowboys power run game with rookie halfback Ezekiel Elliott is steamrolling every team in its path.  The Cowboys are just better, plain and simple.  Dallas.

NFL Week 7 Picks

4-2 vs the spread last week, 21-20 for the year. . .

Chicago +8.5 at Green Bay: Lovie Smith was 81-63 as HC of the Bears, won an NFC Championship with Rex Grossman (!?!?) as QB. . .and they fired him after a 10-6 season.  Naturally, the Bears haven't come close to that in the 4 years since.  His immediate successor, the faggot Marc Trestman, was an absolute disaster, turning the Monsters of the Midway into a battered wife of a defense. . .Trestman left such a gigantic mess, even the previously successful John Fox looks helpless to fix it.  The Bears are years away from being good.  Speaking of faggots, it seems everybody now openly wonders what has happened to Aaron Rodgers, who just a season ago was playing at All-Time Great levels.  Though *respectable* Sports Media won't discuss it, the only rational explanation for the diminished aaron rodgers must be that the years of living *in the faggot closet* have taken their toll, and he can no longer compartmentalize his homosexuality.  His hunger to be openly queer must now be leaking into his professional life, and his job performance has suffered.  In athletics, we haven't seen such a sudden non-injury or non-age related decline since the invincible Mike Tyson was shockingly knocked senseless by the flabby journeyman Buster Douglas.  Green Bay, with their sexually poisoned QB, is a house of cards waiting to topple.  UPSET SPECIAL:  Chicago.   

Minnesota -3 at Philadelphia: The Carson Wentz Wonder Boy routine is beginning to be exposed as the sham we believed it to be. . .and now Wonder Boy has got to go against the toughest defense in the National Football League.  The Vikings will smother Wentz and the Eagles.  Samantha Bradford, and don't buy the talk that she has finally *blossomed,* she's still a shitty QB, gets the last laugh against her former team, but only because she gets to ride on the Purple People Eater's back.  Minnesota.  

Washington +1 at Detroit: Even more surprising than the Redskins 4-2 record, because 3 of their wins are over garbage teams, is the Lions 3-3 record.  The Lions defense is an injury-riddled mess, they couldn't even stop Case Keenum, yet they've won their last two games because Matthew Stafford has played like a #1 Over-All Draft Pick. . .will he maintain that level of play?  Probably not. . .old Matty is a game QB for sure, but he just can't seem to consistently perform at a high level.  And, oh yeah, the Lions don't miss Calvin *MegaHype* Johnson AT ALL.  They got plenty of other guys who can fumble away the game in the last minute.  Jay Gruden and Kirk Cousins are the definition of *Smoke and Mirrors*. . .the Redskins are a mediocre team from a mediocre division, and they may stumble into the playoffs again, but they don't have a chance of being a real winner.  The Law of Averages in this Pretenders Bowl favors the Redskins, simply because Stafford is due for one of his patented multi-INT games.  Washington.  

Tampa Bay EVEN at San Francisco: Two offensive *geniuses,* Dirk Koetter and Chip Kelly, match *wits* in this Salad Bowl of football lightweights.  Chip Kelly tried the fool's paradise of changing QBs last week, and got his ass handed to him by Rex Ryan, as Colin Halfernigger played so bad, everybody now wants him to keep kneeling for the National Anthem.  Dirk Koetter hasn't improved Jameis Winston.  In fact, the raper of white women played better last year under Lovie Smith.  But Chip Kelly's a basket case headed for an ugly exit out of the League, and even the raggedy-assed Buccaneers, who are surprisingly the only team this year to really take advantage of Atlanta's spotty defense, are an EZ pick in this one.  Tampa Bay.

San Diego +6 at Atlanta: The Chargers only half-imploded in the last two minutes against the Broncos last week, and actually managed to hang on and beat the quarterback-challenged Super Bowl champs.  Mike McCoy was just so gosh-darned proud of his boys, he actually believes they've turned the proverbial corner.  No.  The Falcons were robbed of a Denver-Seattle Road Double by the zebras, who looked the other way on an obvious pass interference against Julio Jones that would have sent Atlanta on its way to a game-winning field goal.  But that zebra-tainted loss hasn't stopped the Matt Ryan-for-MVP chatter.  The veteran QB, who in previous seasons looked to be cut from the same cloth as Matthew Stafford and Jay Cutler, is playing at a 5500 yd, 40 td, 8 int Monster Season pace.  Can he keep it up?  And even the Falcons leaky defense looks to be improving over the last two weeks.  At this point, only the Minnesota Vikings can be said to be clearly better in the NFC.  Atlanta.

New England -7 at Pittsburgh: The negro head coached Steelers did it again: took the week off against a shitty opponent, and suffered an embarrassing upset defeat against the woeful Miami Dolphins. . .and to make matters worse, their broken-down QB Ben Roethlisberger suffered yet another injury, and is now sidelined once again.  Something tells me negro Mike Tomlin won't do quite as well as Bill Belichick did without his QB.  New England.

NFL Week 6 Picks

1-4 vs the spread last week, 17-18 for the year. . .

Here's a ranking of all NFL Head Coaches, from best to worst:

1. Bill Belichick, Patriots	No brainer
2. Mike Zimmer, Vikings	Once he wins SB, will move to #1
3. Pete Carroll, Seahawks	Best defensive coach of All-Time?
4. John Harbaugh, Ravens	4th best coach in League, 3rd best coach in his family
5. Mike McCarthy, Packers	Won a ton of games with a faggot QB
6. Sean Payton, Saints	Dropping rapidly
7. Ron Rivera, Panthers	Wins a lot of games with shitty players
8. Bruce Arians, Cardinals	Would win a SB if he could find a QB who can stand up for a full season
9. Andy Reid, Chiefs	18 years in the Parity League, and only 3 crummy seasons
10. Gary Kubiak, Broncos	Nervous Nellie, somehow won a SB, withiout it, he'd be in bottom third
11. Marvin Harrison, Bengals	Best coach never to win a Big Game
12. Jack Del Rio, Raiders	Unlike the vast majority of his peers, he is not afraid to coach to win
13. Mike Tomlin, Steelers	Worst coach ever to win a Super Bowl, has best players in League last 3 years
14. John Fox, Bears	Sliding rapidly as he fails in Windy City
15. Jason Garrett, Cowboys	Does he have the guts to tell Romo to take a seat on the bench?
16. Bill O'Brien, Texans	Good coach, horrible judge of QBs
17. Dan Quinn, Falcons	If his feam doesn't fade like it did last year, will shoot up quickly
18. Jeff Fisher, Rams	Stale, always manages to beat the Seahawks, though
19. Rex Ryan, Bills	Entertaining blowhard, not smart enough to ever win Big
20. Todd Bowles, Jets	Dull negro coach
21. Doug Pederson, Eagles	Early sample size could be deceiving
22. Chuck Pagano, Colts	His teams are soft
23. Dirk Koetter, Buccaneers	Will live or die on rapist Jameis Winston
24. Jay Gruden, Redskins	Luckiest coach in the League
25. Mike Mularkey, Titans	Nondescript coach, gotta stick him somewhere. . .
26. Chip Kelly, 49ers	Won't win again until he goes back to college
27. Ben McAdoo, Giants	He ain't no Tom Coughlin, nobody will even remember him in 3 years
28. Hue Jackson, Browns	With that roster, impossible to tell if he is good or bad
29. Jim Caldwell, Lions	Great coach Mon through Saturday, horrible on Sunday
30. Mike McCoy, Chargers	Great 58 minute coach
31. Gus Bradley, Jaguars	His roster gets better and better, but he never wins more games
32. Adam Gase, Miami	Made a mediocre QB worse

San Francisco +7 at Buffalo: Was it just 3 1/2 years ago Chip Kelly was the *genius* who was going to revolutionize the National Football League? With his HyperSonic No-Huddle Offense and his *quirky* player personnel moves?  How did that turn out?  Epic fail.  Run out of Philadelphia after his offense fizzled and his defensive players quit on him, he landed in San Francisco, where it should have been easy to look like an improvement over the inept Jim Tomsula. . .but at 1-4, with four straight blow-out losses, the 49ers seem even worse.  Now *genius* Kelly makes the dumb move all desperate coaches make when they can't figure out how to win: change the quarterback.  Blaine Gabbert ought to change his name to Blame Gabbert after being thrown under the bus by Kelly, who now stupidly turns to the failed Colin Kaepernick.  Does Kelly really think Kaepernick will suddenly turn back into a Super Bowler, like some frog QB kissed by Jim Harbaugh?  No. Kelly knows Kaepernick sucks, that's why he went with Blame Gabbert in the first place. . .but like all desperate losing coaches who play QB roulette, he now pins his hopes on being stupid: maybe I was wrong, maybe QB2 really is better than QB1, and I was just too retarded to see it!  So here's the fate of the *genius* Kelly: all his hopes lay in him really being a moron.  As for Kaepernick, with his National Anthem antics, he makes a fine sideshow, and has become something of a football anti-hero. . .but he risks tarnishing his BLM cred by going 15 for 30 with 2 INTs. . .throw a pick six, lose the game, and those Kaepernick jerseys will look like clown costumes instead of rebel fashion wear.  Man, I mean, just look at the 49ers!  Has there ever been an NFL Head Coach/Quarterback combo that featured two bigger oddballs?  For Buffalo, Rex Ryan started the year looking like a buffoon with a one way ticket out of the League, but somehow he and his slob DC brother have put together a 3 game winning streak.  The Ryan brothers should enjoy this success while they can, for their luck will probably run out as soon as the 49ers leave town.  Buffalo.         

Baltimore +3 at New York Giants: When the Ravens were 3-0 I said in this venerable football blog they were the worst 3-0 team in the history of the NFL. . .and they've went out the last two weeks and proved it, losing to the Raiders and Redskins.  Hell, even John Harbaugh knew the Ravens were a pile of horseshit when they were 3-0. . .he didn't just out of the blue fire faggot and former *genius* OC Marc Trestman. . .he knew his offense was garbage all season, but it took a couple losses to get him to pull the trigger.  Will new OC Marty Mornhinweg do any better?  Even though *Take The Wind In OT* Marty was one of the NFL's worst head coaches ever, 5-27 in two seasons with Detroit, he has a decent track record as a coordinator with the 49ers and Eagles, and somehow managed to get an offense for Rex Ryan in 2013 to go 8-8 with Geno Smith at QB. . .Hell, he can't be worse than that pussy Trestman.  The Giants are 2-3, but probably really ought to be 0-5. . .they got the Cowboys in Week 1, before Dallas' negro wonder rookies got it into gear, and squeaked out a home win over the crappy Saints in Week 2.  The bumbling Chargers could easily beat the shit out of both of these teams.  Ravens win and become the worst 4-2 team in the history of the League.  Baltimore.

Los Angeles +3.5 at Detroit: Two very flawed teams, with the Rams horrible offense matching up against the Lions crippled defense.  Dee-troit actually angered their own fans by upsetting unbeaten Philadelphia last week. . .longtime Lions fans were hoping an embarrassing home loss to the Eagles would push Nigger Jim Caldwell out the door, but now it seems they'll have to suffer his uninspiring presence for the rest of the season.  Caldwell probably knew he was just minutes from being shit-canned, as he abandoned his normally catatonic sideline demeanor to visibly celebrate as the Lions recovered a gift-of-an-Eagles-Chargers-like-fumble that led to their winning field goal.  While Caldwell jumped for joy, Lions fans slumped in despair as the home team's next draft pick in its 59 year rebuilding project slid further down the first round.  Los Angeles.

Pittsburgh -7 at Miami: No rookie head coach has done a worse job than Adam Gase, who was supposed to be an offensive *genius*, even though his previous teams' offenses (Denver and Chicago) never looked earth-shattering  Unbelievably, the Dolphins actually suck more under Gase than they did under goofy-looking Joe Philbin.  Gase was supposed to be a quarterback *guru,* but Ryan Tannehill has never played worse, and the defense is still shitty. . .and I have a feeling Donkeykong Suh is about to snap. . .Ben Roethlisberger may need eyes in the back of his head for this game.  Anyway, even though the Steelers under negro head coach Mike Tomlin have a penchant for not showing up against crappy teams, they can still win this game with even the most minimal effort and attention to detail.  Pittsburgh. 

Atlanta +6 at Seattle: Can the Falcons actually beat the Broncos and Seahawks back-to-back on the road?  Win in the toughest stadiums in the League?  Yes. Just like the Broncos didn't have an offense to challenge the Falcons weak defense, same with the Seahawks, which means even though the Falcons offense will be slowed a little by the opponent's quality defense, they can still outscore their mediocre counterparts.  Dan Quinn beats his old boss.  Atlanta.

Dallas +4 at Green Bay: Even though the Packers are 3-1, Aaron Rodgers is still playing like a lovesick faggot. . .and the Packers are just an average team.  This game will prove it, as the Cowboys with their negro wonder rookies Prescott and Elliott roll over the Fudge Packers.  Dallas.