NFL Week 8 Picks

2-4 vs the spread last week, 23-24 for the year. . .

The Vikings were 5-0 going into the Eagles game. . .the Vikings were a very limited offense even at full strength with Teddy Bridgewater and #28. . .then they lost those guys and had to make a horrible desperation trade to get Samantha Bradford in a faggy gamble to save their season.  So, look, they go on the road at 5-0 with a mediocre faggot-led offense and play a decent team with an above average defense. . .not surprisingly, the Vikes take their first loss of the season. . .it ain't a shocker, by any means. . .they didn't give it away, they simply ran into an opponent with a DC (Jim Schwartz) who knew how to strip down Samantha Bradford and make her offense look like a rape victim.  After that kind of game, most coaches would say, hey, it's a tough league, nobody goes 16-0, we're disappointed we didn't play better, but we'll regroup and get back on track next week. . .that's what most coaches say because they're happy as shit to still be 5-1.  Not Mike Zimmer.  He cannot accept losing.  He refuses to accept that his offense can only be horse shit.  Zimmer was fuming after the Eagles pushed his offensive line around. . .he called his offensive line "soft" and a "sieve," and when asked if he considered removing fragile Samantha Bradford to protect her from the beating she was taking, Zimmer seemed offended and disgusted by the suggestion:

That's why, sooner or later, Zimmer will win a Super Bowl. . .he will not excuse non-performance, even from faggots.

Then there's Dan Quinn, whose Falcons blew a big lead and dropped a home game against the usually-choker Chargers. . .Quinn's in danger of seeing a second consecutive hot start to a season fizzle away to nothing. . .and yet he remained his usual seeming unconcerned self.  Quinn accepts defeat with the equanimity of a seasoned 12 Stepper, thoroughly indoctrinated into the program's founding prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: 

I don't know if Quinn's Alcoholics Anonymous approach will work. . .but this Sunday's game against Green Bay should be telling.  If he has to stand up there again Sunday and give credit to the Packers, like they're a Higher Power, with his Falcons dropping back to .500 after another hot start to the year, then it becomes reasonable to doubt Quinn's methods. . .

Jacksonville +3.5 at Tennessee: The end is near for Gus Bradley.  A team that was supposed to be on the rise is playing as shitty as it ever has (18-57 since they stupidly fired Jack Del Rio), and QB Blake Bortles has suffered a shocking regression, he's worse than Case Keenum, and almost at the abysmal Colin Halfernigger level.  This division game against a crappy team is Bradley's Last Stand, but Custer probably had better odds at Little Big Horn.  Tennessee.

Oakland +1.5 at Tampa Bay: Two high-scoring teams with shitty defenses. . .take the team with the good head coach and the quarterback who don't rape white women.  Oakland.

Seattle -2.5 at New Orleans: Seattle's offense looked like Rutgers against Michigan for most of the Sunday night game, but going up against New Orleans defense is like going up against Texas Tech's, even Seattle's shitty offense can score on the Saints.  Drew Brees is having another *great* (phantasy) year for a team that loses twice as many games as it wins.  Sean Payton may be on his way to becoming the next Jeff Fisher.  Seattle.

Detroit +2.5 at Houston: Brock Osweiler looks like a bust, yet another Bill O'Brien QB mistake. . .but the Texans do have a good run game, and, even without the Great White Hype JJ Watt, they still have an average defense, and that's enough to lead the lousy AFC South.  Matthew Stafford engineered a great game-winning drive against the Redskins last week that left Jay Gruden standing on the sideline with a stupid look on his dumb face.  Ol' Matty has almost single-handedly kept a terrible Lions team in the Wild Card picture, and, sadly for Dee-troit fans, also kept Nigger Jim Caldwell employed. . .but the Lions already porous defense lost another player to injury, Darius Slay, so now they line up against the Texans without their best corner, linebacker and tackle.  Even Defrock Osweiler should be able to put up enough points on the board to get a W.  Houston.  

Green Bay +2.5 at Atlanta: If I were a Falcons fan, I would be very disheartened if, after punking out against the Chargers, my team didn't come out angry and kick the shit out of a very beatable, very average, faggot quarterbacked Green Bay team.  If Atlanta comes out flat and lets homo Rodgers get on top of them, put them in a corn-hole, and drop them to their knees, I'd have to question Dan Quinn's leadership skills.  This may very well be the biggest regular season game Quinn ever coaches. . .this is a fork-in-the-road game. . .I'll give Quinn the benefit of the doubt this one last time.  Atlanta.

Philadelphia +4.5 at Dallas: A battle of half-wits between former failed Dee-troit Lions head coaches, as current defensive coordinators Psycho Jim Schwartz and Rod *My Shovel Is Sharp* Marinelli try to confuse the other team's rookie QB.  Schwartz has the tougher task, as not only is the Dallas rook, Dak Prescott, playing better than Philly's Carson Wentz, but the Cowboys power run game with rookie halfback Ezekiel Elliott is steamrolling every team in its path.  The Cowboys are just better, plain and simple.  Dallas.