NFL Week 14 Picks
2-4 vs the spread last week, 41-39-2 for the year. . .
Oakland +3.5 at Kansas City: Man, this was THE game when I was a kid. . .the Raiders with *The Mad Bomber,* Daryle Lamonica, vs the Chiefs with the thinking man's QB, Len Dawson. Both teams had white running backs! Marv Hubbard and Ed Podolak! The Raiders were the outlaws with John Madden as their coach, while the Chiefs were technicians under the scholarly Hank Stram. . .but the Chiefs weren't sissies, like those faggy Don Shula Miami Dolphins! No, sir! They didn't take no shit from Oakland. Curley Culp and Buck Buchanan would bust you in the chops. No, those games were wars. . .real football, back when you could clothesline a guy, and rip the QB's head off! Jack Del Rio is trying as much as he can to get back to tough football, but with these modern rules, it's really just a pale imitation of the good old days. . .but let's face it, this is about as good as the National Safety & Parity League gets, anymore, so we might as well try to enjoy it, while we fondly remember that better bygone era. The Chiefs lucked out again last week and stole one from Atlanta with a fake punt and a pick six and a pick two, but they'll need more than luck to win this one. Derek Carr could have easily played for John Madden, but Alex Smith couldn't even have been a water boy for Hank Stram. Raiders all the way. Oakland.
Cincinnati -6 at Cleveland: Back to RGIII for the Browns. 4 is the over/under on how many series until he gets injured again, and Josh McClown has to trot back onto the field. Ha ha ha. This looked like the Browns last best chance for a win, until the Bengals suddenly woke up last week and pasted the Eagles, and gave themselves a small chance of still winning their division, since they have games left against the Steelers and Ravens. I figure Cincy will play this one straight, and surely that old fox Marv Lewis will use the humiliation of losing to Cleveland as a motivating factor, as he did a couple years ago when the Browns threw the midget at him. Cincinnati.
Chicago +8 at Detroit: Almost 3 full years in as head coach of the Dee-troit Lions, we have to ask what seemed most assuredly *no* when he was first hired: is Jim Caldwell actually a good football coach? The overwhelming majority of Lions fans have despised Caldwell, and had only the day he would be fired to look forward to. But now it seems likely he will take the Lions to the playoffs for the second time in three years, and when one considers the Lions record of 356-481-17 (.427) since their last championship in 1957, his 26-18-0 (.591) record must, incredibly, be considered a *Golden Era* of Dee-troit football, alongside the 46-34-0 '91-'95 Wayne Fontes - Barry Sanders *run* of 3 Wild Card Game & 1 NFC Championship Game appearances. So is Nigger Jim actually a good coach? While he remains an undeniable game day disaster, almost always making the wrong strategic decision (including the moronic 4th and inches fourth quarter punt from the Cowboy 40 in the infamous *referees pick up the flag* Detroit-Dallas playoff game), one must concede the Lions have never quit on Nigger Jim, despite awful 1-7 and 1-3 starts the last two seasons, and the Lions always seem schematically prepared for their opponents. And one must give credit to Nigger Jim for hiring Teryl Austin as his defensive coordinator, as Austin has managed to craft a serviceable defense with well below-average talent. Credit to Caldwell also for promoting the regrettably-named Jim Bob Cooter to offensive coordinator after Matthew Stafford looked like he was settling comfortably into Jay Cutler mode. . .since that change the Lions are 14-6 and Stafford has played like a Pro Bowl QB. So is Jim Caldwell actually a good coach? Have we judged him unfairly because, frankly, he looks like a dumb old-time nigger? Certainly if he were white, we wouldn't be asking this question, and there'd probably already be a statue of him out in front of Ford Field for giving Lions fans a small of handful of games to watch with more at stake than what high draft pick they'll botch. . .but Caldwell IS an old-time nigger, so, unfair as it is, he must do more to prove his worth. . .probably nothing short of a Super Bowl appearance would be convincing of his ability. That's just the way it is. As for this game, the Bears actually have a good defense, so we should have a return to the *Lions Win Late In A Squeaker* headline. Chicago.
Minnesota -3.5 at Jacksonville: Ol' Popeye Zimmer might tear out his one good eye after watching his Vikings blow this one. . .yup, the Vikes are a sinking ship, and I think even pathetic Jacksonville with the Charly-like Blake Bortles can eke out a win over the faggot Samantha *Dinker* Bradford, who never met a three yard pass that didn't make her wet. I'll be shocked if either team scores a touchdown on offense. And if ever a guy deserved a charity win from the football gods, it's the Jaguars hapless Gus Bradley, who has remained heroically cheerful through four god-awful years in the panhandle. Jacksonville.
Atlanta -6 at Los Angeles: Dan Quinn must be feeling the heat, he didn't *give credit* to the Chiefs after the Falcons' Matt Ryan tossed away the game last week with an *oh fuck!* pick two. Now suddenly tied for the Division lead with Tampa, Quinn knows no excuse in the book will cut it for a loss to the shitty Rams and their rookie QB Trish Goff. There'd be no pressure if Quinn were facing New England or Seattle, a loss could be tolerated, but it is EXPECTED that the Falcons win this game, and hence comes the pressure, the fear of having to explain away the colossal failure of being beaten by a terrible team that has already given up on 2016, and now plays out the string with Goff as practice for 2017. And the pressure of meeting expectations doesn't let up. . .because Quinn's got two even worse teams coming up the next two weeks: the 49ers and Panthers. Just imagine the magnitude of the failure if the Falcons, sitting at 7-5 and with a gift three game stretch of Rams, 49ers, Panthers, somehow stumble out of the playoffs. Unacceptable. A fireable offense. Somebody who ain't getting fired, apparently, is Jeff Fisher, whose litany of excuses is exhaustively detailed here. Atlanta.
Seattle -3 at Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers has played a little better the last couple weeks--maybe he has a new faggot to share his bed? Still this isn't vintage Green Bay. . .and it ain't vintage Seattle, either. These teams aren't the class of the NFC anymore, and while Seattle still looks like a threat, they showed in Tampa a couple weeks ago that outside of Seattle and without *home cookin'* from the zebras, they are very ordinary. . .in fact they're only 2-3-1 on the road, and with the NFC looking like it will run through Dallas, I wouldn't put any money on Seattle to make it to the Super Bowl. Green Bay.
Oakland vs KC - Oakland all the way. Carr is the real deal. The guy smashes his hand and comes back to play. I don't know what to think about the Raiders leaving Oakland but if they went to Vegas, it would fit.
ReplyDeleteCincy vs Cleveland. Should we even make a pick? Why bother? This is going to Cincy and it'll be ugly. RGIII will fumble and be "hurt", McClown will come in, throw a pick or two, get creamed a time or two, cough up the ball a time or two. This is going to be ugly. Blowout incoming.
Chicago vs. Detroit. Man, those points are huge. Detroit to win, Chicago on points. This will be a 3-6 point win for Detroit.
Minnesota vs Jax - How much longer does Jacksonville have the Jags? Do they even want them? What's the under/over for Jax to move to London? What with the lousy play this year, and this year's NFL football has been horrible to watch, they could almost use another domestic abuse case. We'd be better off with flag football at this point. Defenseless receivers, penalties for touching the QB on the helmet (it doesn't even have to be a hit - FYI to defensive linemen; if you're going to take a penalty, go ahead and plaster the QB. It's the same damn deal), all the television timeouts. It's been a miserable viewing experience. What my point...oh yeah, so, the NFL should go ahead and push for JAX to leave for London to simply put some sort of excitement into the NFL. And MN has this game, as disastrous as MN is right now. Norv Turner quit mid season. How is this not a huge story?
Atlanta and LA - Atlanta. Jeff Fisher looks like a cross between a NASCAR driver and the gay uncle we don't talk about. And that Goff guy is horrendous. QB's are supposedly smart but the guy didn't know the sun rose in the East and sets in the West. This was news to him. It's not that surprising that he has trouble figuring out which way the ball needs to go in a scoring drive.
Seattle and GB - GB. Seattle lost Earl Thomas. Rogers will capitalize on that like a gay QB in a Green Bay bathhouse.
Yes, the games have been terrible. . .half the time, one team doesn't even show up to play. . .look at the Sunday night and Monday night games. . .the Panthers and Jets just went through the motions. In the old days, if one team was getting its ass beat, it would try to injure the other teams players. If a team was down 20 or more, you could bet they would get 2 or 3 unnecessary roughness penalties. . .now they get their ass beat and as soon as the final whistle blows, they fag out, trading jerseys like high school girls trading sweaters. . .pathetic.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't any one thing that's made the NFL terrible this year. Some commentators want to say it's the domestic abuse stuff or the kneeling for the National Anthem but really?
ReplyDeleteThe domestic abuse stuff was annoying as far as the commercials went. That old Viking receiver looking into the camera with tears in his eyes was gag worthy. But even that was a positive in that it trained many people to tune out commercials completely. The domestic abuse stuff itself? It seemed like a criminal and civil matter to be meted out in court. And let's get real - the women involved with the domestic abusing NFL players are with them because they're NFL players. They kind of knew what they were getting into but ignored a lot of shit because these players could provide a level of security and luxury they won't find from regular fellows. Hmm, NFL player who may hit me if I piss him off but will take me on vacay to Cabo vs the sanitation worker who won't hit me but also won't have the money to take me out to dinner 5 nights a week?
They made their choice. It's a different side of the coin from the guys who get with women who are party animal, fun girls, and then get heart broken when the women cheat and drain bank accounts and then leave when the money dries up. You know what you're getting into, or should.
Then there is the Kaepernick thing. Talk about an issue blown out of proportion. What's more offensive - Kaepernick kneeling or Chip Kelley not having control of his team and putting out a shitty football product? How Chip doesn't get an incredible amount of shit for allowing one of his players to become THE distraction is baffling.
But the above two will serve as placeholders for why the NFL is a shitty product to obscure the fact that the problem lies with over-saturation, too many flags and television time out delays, the soap opera "human" pieces the networks run on the players, the sideline "personalities", the over penalization (a touch to the QB's helmet? Come on!), officiating becoming a real issue in terms of wins and losses, lax play, and the list goes on.
I don't care about JJ Watt's Wisconsin cabin. I don't care that Cam Newton didn't wear a tie. The television time outs and game delays make watching a game of trying to keep the attention span active which is made impossible by the shitty commercials we're shoveled for what has to be an hour each game. Flags for what seem like every other play. The Tecmo Bowl feel of the game in general. A Thursday night game that is just about the shittiest game of the week. And who does the scheduling? You'll have a team that just had a Sunday night game and THEN has to do a game on Thursday? The NFL is not serious about player safety - it can't be in any meaningful way if that's how they schedule shit. Couple that with their push a couple years ago for a longer season and it's clear the NFL regards player safety as a window dressing issue. "Delay the game for a player safety thing to show people we care!!!" instead of junking the TNF game, or at least scheduling it so teams with a previous week Bye or at least a Sunday afternoon game play.
Oh, but the declining interest is because of domestic abuse and kneeling for the opening drunk song. No, it's the shitty play, the delays of game, and social media driven story lines that are killing it for me.
Raiders needed that TD just before the half. . .gives them a little life. . .I bet we have a good second half.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Great Alex Smith int! WooHoo!
ReplyDeleteNice fumble, Smith!
ReplyDeleteGotta get more than a FG here, though.
Ha! Raiders fuck it up! They had their chance with those two Smith TOs, and only get 3 points. That's usually a death knell. . .
ReplyDeleteAlso, haven't seen Carr throw the ball this poorly since his early in his rookie year.
Now the penalties are starting to pile up. . .9 and just half-way through the 3rd quarter. . .
ReplyDeleteNot the Raiders night. . .too many missed opportunities. . .KC just has to stay out of its own way to win.
ReplyDeleteWhy throw the fucking ball on 3rd and 1, when you been running over them?
ReplyDeleteChiefs a football cliche. . .*somehow find a way to win.* Every team that loses to them walks off the field muttering to themselves . .
ReplyDelete7 points is all the Falcons need. . .the game was over on the fumbled kick off. Shortest game in NFL history!
ReplyDeleteGoff looks like he's wearing toy shoulder pads. . .most punters look tougher than him. . .what a faggot.
ReplyDeleteGoff might do the impossible: get Jeff Fisher fired.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ha! #44 for Atlanta looked like he sacked Goff with a pinky promise! #44 barely scraped Goff's hand, and down she went!
ReplyDeleteThen Ryan sacks himself just before the half. . .never a good look.
ReplyDelete#44 got Goff again. . .Ring Around The Rosy strip sack/TD. Goff is hopeless. . .Rams are so stupid, they'll probably try their luck with peanutbrittle-back Romo.
ReplyDeleteGoff is a terrible QB. Yeah, there were drops and all that shit around there but he looks bad back there. I watched the Philly/Washington game yesterday, which was the first decent game I've seen all year, and Wentz looks good at QB. Poised, confident, and doesn't look scared when things don't go his way.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of sacks on Rams QB's, remember Jim Everett's phantom sack? The best thing about that whole thing was Jim Rome getting pushed around and looking scared - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjgpo3_SF7M
And you got proven right again - Goff did get Fisher fired. Too bad for Dan Reeves. Looks like Dan will not be surpassed in career losses this year. Maybe next year someone will hire Fisher and he can relieve Dan of the career loss record completely?
The Rams looks just terrible. The Falcon defense isn't that good. The Rams are that bad. And Gurley has a long road in LA. I don't see them turning things around now. Changing coaches, which by next year will mean changing offenses, on that dunce Goff will not go well.
The Falcons brought in the second string early in the 4th quarter and the announcers were babbling about not resting their guys too much. If rest were such a bad thing, why isn't it seen as such a downer in pre-season? Sure, you're testing guys out, but the QB situation is almost always resolved, so it's no more testing of who is 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stringers. So why rest the 1st string QB then? It's not like he's beat up from the season yet.
It's one of those dumb things. The team gets "rusty." What the hell are the practices for? And it's not like you're sitting your guys for all 4 quarters.
I would have pulled Ryan in the 3rd and used the 2 and 3 runners. Let Schaub (the backup) get some game reps in case Ryan does go down.
The Dallas/NY game was actually good, too. Even though Dak lost and didn't look great, he has some little things he does well like getting rid of the ball and sliding when things aren't on the line. Elway didn't do his helicopter run until it was the SB on the line. You don't do that shit in week 14 with a playoff spot clinched in a non game winning situation, for sure.
I think he's legit for Dallas. With that runner, his receivers, and O-line, the Cowboys will be good for the next 5 years.
Jones and Romo will be parting unless Romo retires (he should) and becomes a Dallas coach or front office guy (he should).
But all and all, not a bad football weekend. Not every game was a snoozer.
The funny thing is, Fisher wouldn't have been fired if he had stuck to his guns. . .he knew as shitty as Keenum was, he was 10x better than Trish Goff. . .had he stuck with Keenum, they certainly would have beaten Miami, and with their schedule could have gone .500. . .but he caved into the constant clamoring for Trish Goff. . .he didn't have the courage of his convictions. . .I bet Fisher knew after one week of practice that Goff could never cut it as an NFL QB.
ReplyDelete#44 bringing Goff down on that pinky promise sack was the faggiest thing I've ever seen. No wonder Gurley was yelling at him on the sideline. No team will play for a faggot like that. . .Goff looks like a bigger faggot than Joey Harrington. . .and that's saying something! Can you imagine ol' Big Ben going down on a pinky promise sack like that! Impossible!
Looks like we got the *disappearing comments8 feature on here again.. .one of your comments (the one about teams giving up, and what Fisher should do next) shows up on the blog dashboard, but not here. . .you'd think this wouldn't be a hard feature to debug or whatever.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think Fisher could win in Jacksonville, but I doubt they would hire him. . .maybe nobody would hire him now. . .Jax has a good enough defense, their next head coach just has to bring in a Jim Bob Cooter-type guy to figure out what to do with Bortles. . .Jax reminds me of the Lions in the early Schwartz years, you can see they got some decent players, but they just need the right system.
Oh yeah, the Pacman Jones garbage can routine was hilarious! And right on the money. Pryor ain't nothing special as a receiver. . .in fact, it's pretty easy to get a 1000 yards receiving on a garbage team, you're always way behind, always have to throw the fucking ball, the other team plays soft pass coverage. The year the Lions went 0-16 Calvin Johnson had one of his *best* seasons.
ReplyDeleteMan, in the old days when you started at the one, on first down you ran a QB sneak to get a yard or two to operate, or you handed it to the fullback, you didn't give it to a halfback 5 yards deep in the endzone.
ReplyDeleteBrady ranting on the sideline, the announcer sez: he hasn't lost any competitive fire at age 39. If Cam Newton did that, they'd say he was out of control.
ReplyDeleteRavens pass rush not what it used to be. In the past, they could fluster Brady. Suggs and Dumervil look washed up.
ReplyDeleteWhether or not the Ravens comeback and win this game, it shows why the Patriots have won *only* 4 SBs instead of 8 or 10. . .they are a little soft. The Ravens have no business being in this game with 6 minutes left.
ReplyDelete