NFL Week 12 Picks

3-3-1 vs the spread last week, 36-35-1 for the year. . .

Ha! Did Pete Carroll walk into an Assistant Coaches store one day, wander down the Eternally Optimistic Good Sport aisle, spot the Bald w/Moustache+Goatee model Defensive Coordinator, and say, "I'll take two of those?"

Pete Carroll's last two DCs, Dan Quinn and Gus Bradley, are the same fucking guy!  Not only do they look alike, they have the same 12 Step Program *Serenity To Accept The Things They Cannot Change* mentality, even in the face of the most bitter defeats:

As quintessential Good Sports, they both give credit to the opponent their team gives a game away to, then proceed to find the proverbial Silver Lining in the Dark Cloud of Defeat. Bradley especially must have a drawer full of these babies:



The Apostle Paul had this to say about testing a man's work to reveal his philosophical foundation:

Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.

With his 14-44 career record, Bradley's seen more than enough flames to prove he's a True Believer.  And there he was again Sunday, after his team's latest disaster, giving away a game when one of the Jaguar defensive linemen fell for the oldest trick in the book, getting suckered into jumping offside on a 4th-and-1 late in the final quarter. . .Bradley remained ever-positive and upbeat, cheering his pathetic squad's effort even while knowing, deep down, their bungling play has left him just 6 games to coach before his head hits the chopping block.

Yes, after enduring four years of Jacksonville Hell, Gus Bradley's gotta be a Master Disciple of the 12 Step School.  

As for Dan Quinn, we have the winner's paradox: he hasn't lost enough to reveal the authenticity of the gospel he preaches.  

In the eyes of the world, Gus Bradley is a loser.  But he's a High Priest in the Cult of Perpetual Defeat, where no loss is ever final, and where the sad-sack who falls off the wagon achieves victory simply by cheerfully starting all over again.

But a word to the wise, Gus: A prophet is not without honor, except in his own home:

Minnesota +3 at Detroit: It's late November and the Lions are actually playing a game that matters?!?!  First place in the NFC North Pole Division is on the line in this battle between very flawed elf teams.  The Vikings snapped a four game losing streak against Arizona with a couple fluke 100 yard plays, and in the process sent Cardinal HC Bruce Arians to the ER with *chest pains.*  Both teams have horrible offensive lines and non-existent run games.  The Lions are better at QB, WR and kicker.  The Vikings are superior all across the board on defense, and are better coached.  Defense travels.  Defense wins championships.  Minnesota.

Washington +7.5 at Dallas: 9 in a row for Dallas and their negro wonder boy rookies, Prescott and Elliott.  The Redskins are on a pretty good streak as well, 6-1-1 since starting the season 0-2, but most of those games have been against the NFL's middle class, teams hovering at or just above or just below .500, so it's hard to tell how good they really are.  The Law of Averages in the National Parity League says the Cowboys are due for a loss, but the Law of Averages also says shitty coach Jay Gruden is also due for a loss.  I'll take the team getting the points.  Washington.

Arizona +4 at Atlanta: At the time I type this, Bruce Arians is still alive, and still expected to coach this game, having recovered from *chest pains* after watching his team give away a game to the Vikings. As it turns out, Arians is something of a hypochondriac, having multiple hospital calls during his long coaching career, claiming ear infections, kidney stones, migraines, even colon and prostate cancer.  If he really did suffer all those ailments, how come he's so fat?  Usually the terminally ill are pencil thin.  Anyway, the Cardinals have been a major disappointment, mainly due to the decline of Carson Palmer.  Palmer's looked washed up a couple times prior, but this time, at age 37, he might be finished for good.  Arizona's defense is still decent, and they have a running back, David Johnson, who could cause Atlanta's mediocre defense some problems.  They should be able to hang around for most of the game, but in the 4th quarter, when they need Palmer to make a play or two, they'll be out of luck.  Atlanta scores late to win the game and cover.  Atlanta.

Los Angeles +7 at New Orleans:  Trish Goff vs Drew Brees. . .'nuff said.  New Orleans.

BONUS COLLEGE GAMES:

TCU +2.5 at Texas: The failed Texas nigger head coach Charlie Strong has been playing the victim ever since his Longhorns did the impossible and lost to Kansas, and it became apparent he wasn't merely on the *hot seat,* but would undoubtedly be fired.  Strong used his Monday press conference to once again blame his sorry-ass 16-20 record (the worst head coaching record in the proud history of UT football) on Mack Brown once (for *leaving the cupboard bare*), Mack Brown twice (for leaving him with 9 bad apples he had to kick off the team), and Media (for creating *noise* which caused his players, who love him so much, to try too hard to save his job, causing them to choke on the field).  Strong has always painted himself as a victim. . .he claims he was passed over for jobs in the SEC (for which he assumes we will believe he was qualified) because he has a white wife, for example.  Because of his race and his constant crying about being victimized, Media always portrays Brown in the best possible light, saying what a *great man* he is, a *great leader,* etc., etc. while covering up his extra-marital affair at Louisville and not mentioning how little loyalty he has, firing assistant coaches at the drop of a dime to scapegoat them for Texas' sorry-ass play.  I can't believe any Big Time program doesn't know the truth, that Strong is a shitty coach who failed at Texas, and I'd be shocked if he ever got a Big Time job again. . .but I won't be shocked when he cries how hard it is for nigger coaches to get a second chance.  As for the game, TCU's defense has completely fallen apart, and monster Texas RB D'Onta Foreman should have no problem getting another 200 yard performance, sending crybaby Strong off into the sunset with a meaningless victory he will claim proves *how close* Texas is.  Texas.     

Michigan +7 at Ohio State: Michigan has the better defense, but it is a gambling defense that can get burned for the big play.  Against bottom-feeder teams like Rutgers and Maryland, it's no problem, but it almost got them beat by Colorado, but they managed to KO the Buffaloes QB before he could beat them on points.  JT Barrett is very similar to the Colorado QB, and is probably the difference maker in what on paper looks like a toss-up game.  Ohio State.