NFL Week 13 Picks

3-0-1 vs the spread last week, 39-35-2 for the year. . .

Dallas -3.5 at Minnesota: Make no mistake, that was a devastatingly bad end game INT the faggot Samantha Bradford tossed up against Detroit on Thanksgiving. . .they lost the game, the North Pole Division lead, and the short-term future, because it highlighted the folly of giving a 1st and 4th round draft pick for a failed faggot QB. . .if there's one thing that can break a defense, it's having to play for a homo QB who wets himself in the big moments. . .if the Vikings recover from that catastrophic Bradford INT and find some way to beat the Cowboy juggernaut, I'll shit my pants and send the mess to Bradford to beat-off with.  Dallas. 

Kansas City +3.5 at Atlanta: One of the most interesting match-ups of the season.  You have Atlanta, with undeniably one of the best offenses in the League, going against an 8-3 Chiefs team which, except for rushing the passer, doesn't do much of anything.  KC is 27th in total offense and 28th in total defense, and their QB, Alex Smith, now looks like his pre-Jim Harbaugh mediocre self. . .the Chiefs should be a bad team. . .and yet they win.  What's the Chief's secret?  They are +14 in turnovers, i.e., Kansas City is lucky as Hell, plain and simple.  If this game were played in computer simulation, without any ability to factor in *random football chaos,* Atlanta would win by at least 14.  Atlanta.  

Detroit +5.5 at New Orleans: Tough match-up for Dee-troit, which has got most of its wins against the likes of Samantha Bradford, Case Keenum and Blake Bortles, crappy QBs running low-octane offenses, perfect tomato cans for the Lions to kick around with a bunch of 4th quarter Matthew Stafford field goal drives.  The Lions have scored over 24 points only four times this season, and even though the Saints are a lousy team, they can still pile up the points, they've been held to under 24 only 3 times.  The Lions defense hangs tough most games, but this time they got to go against a real NFL quarterback.  The Lions have trailed in the 4th quarter every game this year, that trend will continue.  All their games have been decided by 7 points or less, that trend won't.  New Orleans.  

Los Angeles +13.5 at New England: The Rams are 4-7, and Jeff Fisher is in danger of falling out of his 7-9, 8-8 job safety zone.  When this has happened in years past, Fisher always managed to poach a big upset, usually against Seattle, to get his team back on track to .500.  The Patriots looked like a sure Super Bowl winner in Tom Brady's first 4 post-suspension games, but in the last three, they've lost to Seattle and had unimpressive wins over the shitty 49ers and Jets.  The Patriots have only an average run defense, so this may finally be the week poor Todd Gurley finds a little room to run.  UPSET SPECIAL.  Los Angeles. 

San Francisco +2.5 at Chicago: While the 49ers are 28th in total offense and 31st in total defense, and thus look on paper like the 1-10 team they are, the Bears are 16th in total offense and 11th in total defense, so how the Hell have they only won 2 games?  They should be a 4 or 5 win team at least, and yet here they are, entering the ring for a sissy fight with the boys from San Francisco.  I've always thought John Fox was one of the better coaches, I mean, he almost beat Tom Brady and the Patriots for a Super Bowl with Jake Delhomme as his QB!  But Fox has really struggled in his two years with the Bears. . .is he the new Jeff Fisher?  With the Browns on a bye, the loser of this game is the National Football League's Week 13 Laughingstock.  Chicago. 

New York Giants +5.5 at Pittsburgh: You can tell the *experts* think the Lions and Giants are *smoke-and-mirrors* teams, they're both getting a generous 5.5 points against *inferior* (record-wise) teams.  The *experts* are probably right.  The Giants coach, Ben McaWho?, is a Coach of the Year front-runner, while nigger coach Mike Tomlin once again is doing his best to keep a Super Bowl talent team out of the playoffs.  If the Steelers play an honest game, they'll crush the Giants.  Pittsburgh.