NFL Week 4 Picks

3-4 vs the spread last week, 11-11 for the season.  The 49ers blew another one.  Jim Harbaugh looked red-assed in the post game press conference.  Colin Halferni**er looked like a silly-ass reject from the Flavor Flav generation.  I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better in 49er Nation.  The Packers and Patriots don't look right.  The AFC South is worse than the SEC West.  Nick Foles has more yards than Drew Brees and Peyton Manning, and he's a gotten a lot of ink for his *toughess* after taking a cheap shot from the Redskins. . .but, uh, he was writhing around on the ground like Nancy Kerrigan.  I'm still not a Foles believer.   

Green Bay +1.5 at Chicago: Green Bay's offense has been sluggish so far.  Aaron Rodgers has been held under 200 yards in two of the three games, and Eddie Lacy's been running like Laci Peterson.  Mike McCarthy's been one of the better coaches in the League, but after last week's crapper in Detroit, Rodgers made a few disparaging comments about the team's *adjustments.*  This is McCarthy's ninth year in Green Bay, maybe he's gone as far as he can with Rodgers.  Or maybe Rodgers has Justin Verlander Syndrome, his mind is on celebrity pussy, and not his craft.  Look at Rodgers' goofy grin with *girlfriend* Olivia Munn:

I don't know.  I don't know how you win a game in the National Football League with a goofy-looking bastard like that leading your team.  It seems to me the Packers were better off when everybody thought Rodgers was gay.  Rodgers' head isn't in the game right now.  Hell, maybe I'm just old school, but I don't know how you win a game that way.  Coach, coach, what do you say?  Can you win that way?

Yup.  Yup.  That's what I thought.  Thanks, coach.  Chicago.

Buffalo +3 at Houston: Both teams fell flat on their faces last week after getting off to 2-0 starts.  You get the feeling the loser of this game may be headed on a slide toward oblivion.  The Texans really went into the shitter, getting steamrolled by the Giants Rashad Jennings, who abused Houston's celebrated d-line with 34 rushes for 176 yards.  And quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick looked like Matt Schaub, getting picked off three times.  Ugly.  The Bills got beat by a good team, the Chargers, no shame there, and they don't want to lose to their former mediocre quarterback.  Buffalo has the running backs to follow the Giants script.  Buffalo.

Detroit -1.5 at New York Jets: The top two teams in total defense square off here.  The Jets smothered the Bears offense last week, but QB Geno Smith tossed the game away with a couple dumb picks.  For the Lions to be taken seriously, they need to win a few road games, and this one seems fairly manageable, not that the Jets are pushovers, they're not, not with that defense.  But the Lions are better all the way across the board on offense, and their front seven on defense is on a par with the Jets.  But will it be the Same Old Lions, somehow finding a way to make Geno Smith look like an 80.0 Total QBR quarterback?  Rex Ryan is one of the best coaches in the League, and if he'd had a decent QB, he'd already be sporting a Super Bowl ring.  He'll find some way to patch together Geno Smith, and his defense will rattle Matt Stafford, and force a couple fumbles from the Lions butterfingered running backs.  New York Jets. 

Atlanta -2.5 at Minnesota: Atlanta crushed the Bucs last week, and now get a rookie QB named Teddy?!?!  And they're only giving up 2.5?  You got to be kidding!  2.5?  Bet your your life on this one.  #28 could have run through the Falcons and made this an interesting game, but now the Vikings got some stumblebum name Asiata toting the ball.  All the Falcons have to worry about is Cordarrelle Patterson.  How bad are the Vikings without #28?  They've scored 16 points in two games, and Patterson is their leading rusher, with 95 yards on four reverses.  Asiata has a grand total of 81 yards on 27 carries.  And now a rookie QB named Teddy!?!?  The schedule maker is smiling down on the Falcons.  Atlanta.

Philadelphia +5.5 at San Francisco: The Eagles getting 5.5!?!?  Bet the house on this one.  Philly has been unstoppable in the second half, while the 49ers have been not only stoppable, but unstartable, as well.  The smell of decay is all around the 49ers.  Plain and simple, the Eagles are the better team.  Philadelphia.

New Orleans -3 at Dallas: Dallas is loading up DeMarco Murray and the power run game.  They'll push the Saints up and down the field, and Tony Romo will hit a couple deep balls to Dez Bryant.  Better look under the hood of Drew Brees and the New Orleans offense, something's rattling around in there, they ain't humming on all cylinders the way they used to.  Dallas.  

New England -4 at Kansas City: Did I really pick the Patriots and Packers for the Super Bowl?  Ouch.  New England's offense is horrible. Tom Brady can't get the ball downfield.  That three yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust offense looks like it was sent from a time machine by Woody Hayes. The Chiefs have played better the last two weeks, and may not be quite as bad as everyone thought they were going to be.  Knile Davis is a decent fill in for Jamaal Charles, and Alex Smith is still a steady hand at QB.  And the Chiefs defense can still put the heat on opposing QBs.  Tom Brady's gonna be begging the refs for help in this one.  UPSET SPECIAL.  Kansas City.