College Football Week 4 Picks

0-2 vs the spread last week, 6-7 for the year.  Todd Gurley tried to carry Georgia on his back to a victory at South Carolina, but his teammates fell off.  And then, for some reason, after Damian Swann gave Georgia a perfect opportunity to win, returning an interception to the South Carolina 4 yard line, head coach Mark Richt put the game in the hands of 10 year back up QB Hutson Mason, instead of the best runner to come along since Adrian Peterson.  Mason fucked up royally, taking an intentional grounding penalty, and a huge loss.  Two plays later, Richt and his offensive coordinator were rewarded for their dumb call when Georgia's kicker choked on an easy field goal that would have tied the game.  1st and goal from the four, down three points late in the fourth quarter.  Give it to Gurley for the go-ahead touchdown.  It's a no-brainer. . .except on the Georgia sideline.  Oh, well.  But this Gurley kid runs harder than any back I've seen since Earl Campbell.  The fucker don't quit.  That nine yard run he had in the middle of the fourth quarter might have been the greatest nine yard run of all-time, he broke four tackles in five yards, just refused to go down.  No quit in that kid, no quit.  If only Georgia's Clean Shirt defense had that kid's heart.

UCLA beat Texas, but failed to cover.  Can't complain too much, as UCLA had to play most of the game without star QB Brett Hundley.  Which brings us to:

Black Is The New Brown Coach Of The Week: Texas coach Charlie Strong somehow managed to lose a home game to a UCLA team quarterbacked by shitty second-stringer Jerry Neuheisel, who looks and plays just as faggy as his dad, Rick.  Strong fucked up just about every way a coach can fuck up, from the botched opening coin toss to the terrible clock management at the end of the game. Leading 17-13 and taking possession of the ball with 4:17 left, Strong had his team run a no-huddle offense!  On their second play, they snapped the ball with 20 seconds left on the play clock! Then they threw the ball on third down!  They took all of one minute and 11 seconds off the clock!  And UCLA didn't have to burn any timeouts!  Strong was rewarded for his inept strategy by having the Bruins run the punt back deep into Texas territory, setting up geek QB Jerry Neuheisel for an improbable game winning TD pass.  After the game Strong tried to hide his failure by claiming a *moral victory,* saying "it's positive the way we played."  Huh?!  This is Texas, one of the storied programs of college football.  Maybe at Iowa State or Kansas you can claim a loss to Jerry Neuheisel is positive, but not at Texas. . .not at Texas, where you got a lot of cracker fans who weren't too happy UT hired a colored coach to begin with.    

Auburn -9 at Kansas State: Two of the best coaches match up in this one.  Auburn's Gus Malzahn was coaching high school football less than 10 years ago, now he's got his hurry up no huddle offense at the top of the SEC.  Bill Snyder is probably the best coach never to win anything BIG.  But what he's won, a fair share of Big 12 games and bowl games at Kansas State, with 2 and 3 star recruits and JC transfers, is mighty impressive.  He routinely beats Big Boy schools loaded with far better players.  No gimmicks, just tough disciplined football.  Kansas State will probably give Auburn a better game than most of their SEC rivals.  Kansas State.

Utah +6 at Michigan: Utah's actually not half bad, and they've won at Michigan before (albeit against Rich Rodriguez).  Michigan stumbled to a 34-10 win over one of the worst teams in the FBS, Miami of Ohio, last week.  No apparent improvement from Devin Gardner, who is still prone to dumb INTs.  The defense still looks solid, while Derrick Green has shown he can run through FBS bottom feeders.  I wouldn't be shocked if Michigan lost this game.  Utah can put pressure on Michigan's secondary, the weak link in the defense.  If Michigan takes a home loss here, cue the sad walking away music for Brady Hoke.  Utah. 

Mississippi State +10 at LSU: What a match-up, two of college football's best uniformed teams go at it in Baton Rouge.  Love the Mississippi State logo, the helmet with the ribbon stripe, and the way "State" is spelled out on a little banner thingy on the front of their maroon jerseys.  Great uniform.  And LSU, with those purple and gold Renaissance Fair costumes with the shoulder stripes, so goofy they're actually cool.  As for the game, both teams come in at 3-0, but the folks in Starkville are still waiting for Dan Mullen, now in his 6th year, to win a big game.  The Bulldogs have a veteran team with capable players on both sides of the ball.  They ought to be able to give LSU a decent game.  I'm still not sold LSU has a competent QB, and they were getting run over by Wisconsin in the opener, but then the Badger coach tossed the game away with retarded game strategy.  I'm not predicting an outright win for Mississippi State, because Mullen hasn't shown he's up to beating a Big Boy team, but I'll hedge my bet and take the ten points.  Mississippi State.

Oklahoma -7.5 at West Virginia:  I'm surprised the Sooners are only giving 7.5.  It's true the Mountaineers gave Alabama a decent game in Week 1, and QB Clint Trickett is coming off a 500+ yard passing game against Maryland, but West Virginia's run defense sucks, and Oklahoma's secondary is a lot better than Maryland's.  Oklahoma will pound the ball on the ground, and come up with a couple INTs. . .no way they don't get a double digit win.  Oklahoma.

Clemson +20 at Florida State: Florida State hasn't been as dominant as they were last year, when they crushed loaded Clemson 51-14.  The Seminoles barely got by Okie State in their first game, and struggled against Citadel's triple option in game two.  Clemson got run over by Georgia in their opener, then beat up on a girls school in their second game.  Clemson has a great redneck football coach in Dabo Swinney, and he might be able to keep this game relatively close if he turns freshman QB Deshaun Watson loose.  Florida State QB and Hymen Trophy winner Jameis Winston has probably been distracted by all the scandals in the NFL, wondering if his penchant for molesting white girls will impact his future earnings.  Then again, maybe he just don't give a shit.  Clemson.