NFL Week 8 Picks

4-3 vs the spread last week, 23-27-1 for the season.  It's interesting how some teams retain the exact same losing character even through coaching changes.  The Lions are a classic example, decade after decade of losing in the same manner.  Here they are again, off to the same kind of a hot start they had under Jim Schwartz, and before him, under Rod Marinelli (yes, even Marinelli got the Lions off to a 6-2 start in 2007, then lost 23 of his next 24 games, including the fantastic 0-16 2008 season), under Bobby Ross, under Wayne Fontes, under Darryl Rogers. . .only in the bleakest of the Millen years, under Marty Mornhinwheg and Steve Mariucci, did the Lions not grease their fans with the every-other-year playoff tease.  The meltdowns would occur with the playoffs looming on horizon, then the dumb penalties, impossible turnovers, freak injuries, record breaking field goals against, etc, etc as the Lions lost game after game down the stretch, and mostly to NFL bottom feeders.  The newest Lion coach, Jim Caldwell, has Detroit off to a 5-2 start. . .so the collapse must just be ahead.  

We see the same phenomenon exhibited in the Texans.  They dumped basket-case Gary Kubiak and replaced him with Bill O'Brien, supposedly a more stable force, who managed to hold Penn State somewhat together through the awful Paterno-Sandusky pedophile shit storm. Yet here are the Texans, even with a new QB, exhibiting their same schizophrenic character. . .smooth sailing, then a sudden, inexplicable storm sweeps them into defeat.  The Monday night game was vintage Texans. . .they were in control with their sturdy defense and running game, then, out of nowhere, they stumble and bumble into a perfect storm of bad football, vomiting up 24 points in the blink of an eye.  That's why I don't buy the J.J. Watt hype.  Why ain't he sacking QBs and forcing fumbles when the Texans are going into the shitter?  He disappears, just like the rest of his mates.  

A lot of goofy comeback wins last week, and a crazy comeback save by the Rams. . .my favorite was the Bills-Vikings game, because the last second game-winning Bills td left rookie Minnesota head coach Mike Zimmer so stunned, he wasn't really sure his team actually lost the game:

Sorry, coach, but I just checked with Roger Goodell. . .the Bills did win the game.  I know it must be difficult to hear the news, but can you tell us how you are feeling?

Poor Zimmer.  But at least he didn't act like a fucking baby, the way Sean Payton did after his Saints choked one away in Detroit.  After the game, Payton blamed the refs for the loss.  Hey, maybe Payton doesn't really believe the Saints lost, either?  Maybe he thinks the game was reversed due to the imaginary blown calls and the Saints were awarded a victory?  Hey, Sean, is that it?  Do you think the Saints have been declared the winner by the NFL's imaginary Refereeing Oversight Committee?

Ha ha.  Fuck you, Payton!

San Diego +7.5 at Denver: Oh, boy, here we go again!  Another record for Peyton Manning, more Denver-is-the-best-team hype, they've improved their defense, they just demolished the 49ers and everybody knows the 49ers are great, blah blah blah, Denver and Peyton Manning are the best ever, woo wah, hoo hah!!  They might go 15-1 and be immortalized just like they were last year, but they'll never get by Joe Flacco in the playoffs.  And the Chargers aren't scared of the Broncos, either.  San Diego.   

Detroit -3.5 vs Atlanta, in London: First test to see if the Lions remain true to themselves under their new coach Jim Caldwell.  The Lions got the playoff tease going with their 5-2 record, and look, now they get to play a 2-5 team. . .yippee, baby!  We gonna be 6-2!  This is the type of game the Lions always lose on their way out of the playoffs. . .like last year's games against the Steelers, Tampa and the Giants.  On paper, the Lions front four should shred Atlanta's patchwork o-line and knock Matt Ryan on his ass all game.  Ryan shouldn't have time get the ball downfield to Julio Jones.  And ancient running back Steven Jackson shouldn't gain more than 30 yards.  But here's what will happen: the Lions will come out flat-footed.  Either get hit by a Hester kick return or a defensive fumble or int return, then Antone Smith will take a 3 yard pass and turn it into a 60 yard score.  In an early hole, Stafford will pass the Lions back into the game, briefly, then the Lions seal the loss with a late INT, or a Reggie Bush or Joique Bell fumble.  Detroit, London, it don't matter, they could play this game on Mars, and it would still be Same Old Lions.  Atlanta.

Seattle -4.5 at Carolina: The Panther's defense has fallen apart, and the Seahawks look like an average team.  Jeff Fisher pulled a fast one on Pete Carroll last week, throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the Seahawks, and then rolling the dice late in the game with all-or-nothing fake punt.  All credit to Fisher and the Rams. . .they beat a team that is clearly better than they are.  There's nothing Carolina can do to top what St. Louis did.  All the Panthers can do is, well. . .remember what Bobby Knight said about rape?  Seattle.

Baltimore +1 at Cincinnati: The Ravens are kicking it in gear, they got that old Super Bowl Ravens look. . .tough defense, decent run game, some deep balls from Flacco.  The Bengals got that sink hole look.  They started 3-0, with many claiming they were the best in the League.  Now they are a punching bag even for soft teams like Indianapolis.  Marvin Lewis is a colored poor man's version of Marty Schottenheimer. . .ain't never gonna win the Big Prize.  Baltimore.

Chicago +6.5 at New England:  New England's 5-2, but I'm still not convinced they're any good.  They barely squeaked past the Jets, and had the scheduling luck to face the Bengals just as Cincy was going into the shitter.  They got no receivers and no running backs who can run, just one running back who is a threat coming out of the backfield.  And they got a weak run defense.  That's not Super Bowl material. Supposedly the Bears locker room was in turmoil after their ugly home loss to the Dolphins last week.  Supposedly some fingers were pointed at turnover machine Jane Cutler.  But all that locker room noise don't matter.  I still think the Bears are dangerous, and I'd rather have their roster than New England's. . .but of course, you can keep faggot coach Marc Trestman.  I think he's the Bears biggest problem.  In computer football, he'd be unbeatable, but he sucks at handling the *variables* of a roster top-loaded with erratic negroes.  Chicago. 

Philadelphia +2.5 at Arizona: No team plays an uglier brand of winning football than the Cardinals.  You got their world-class defense chained to a Carson Palmer hope-and-a-prayer offense.  I don't think Nick Foles can handle what Arizona is gonna put in his face.  The Eagles are a wobbly 5-1, winning three close games and their schedule has been soft.  They have the look of a 5-1 team that will finish 5-5 in their last ten, and here's one of the five losses.  Arizona.     

Green Bay +1 at New Orleans: The Packers have won four in a row, three of them blowouts--they have the look of a team rounding into Super Bowl form. . .and all due to one reason: Aaron Rodgers.  Eddie Lacy is a decent running back, and Jordy Nelson is a nice fast white boy, but the rest of this team is average.  But as long as Rodgers is healthy, Green Bay can beat anybody, anywhere, any time.  The Saints fell apart late against Detroit last week, they are 2-4, 0-4 on the road and 2-0 at home.  But their two home wins were hardly impressive, an OT win against Lovie Smith's hapless Tampa, and a 20-9 win over the #28-less Vikings.  The Packers are an UNDERDOG?!?!  Really?  Do people really think home field means that much?  All of a sudden the Saints will have a defense, a running game, and Drew Brees will turn back the clock?  No.  The Saints are a bad football team about to face Aaron Rodgers on a hot streak.  Packers win E-Z.  Green Bay.