College Football Week 8 Picks

5-3 vs the spread last week, 26-14 for the year.  In a week full of subpar performances in college football's most non-competitive conference, the Faded Glory 6, Texas took bottom honors with a stupefying 26-31 *moral victory* over arch-rival Oklahoma.  Despite out-gaining Oklahoma 278 to 29 in yards in the first half, and 482 to 232 for the game, Longhorns coach Charlie *Doing-It-The-Right-Way* Strong found a way to lose, and move his team into the top spot in the FG6:

1. Texas         2-4
2. Michigan     3-4
3. Tennessee  3-3
4. Florida       3-2
5. Miami, FL   4-3
6. Penn State 4-2

In the true losing-doesn't-matter spirit of the FG6, Coach Strong was proud of his squad's defeat, stating after the game "overall, I was pleased with the way we played!"  This was coach Strong's third *moral victory* of the season, following heroic losses to UCLA and Baylor, and made Strong the front-runner for FG6 Coach of the Year.   

Penn State, in danger of dropping out of contention for the FG6 championship, fell back into the race with a yawn-inducing 13-18 loss to Michigan, and knocked the Wolverines out of first place in the conference.  The pseudo-game featured all the hallmarks of classic FG6 football: incomprehensible coaching *strategy,* non-existent rushing attacks (the teams combined for 66 rushes for 118 yards) and gun-shy quarterbacks flinching in the pocket when not being sacked.  Michigan's punching bag QB Devin Gardner was knocked out of the game for two series, and with concussion poster boy Shane Morris not cleared to play, the Wolverines were forced to hand the ball to the infamous Russell Bellomy, who nearly threw interceptions on his only two attempts in the game, and kept his lifetime quarterback rating in the negative (Bellomy's career stats: 4 for 21 for 46 yards, with 4 interceptions and -0.7 rating).      

The How-Did-He-Win-Any-Games-In-The-SEC Coach of the Week: James Franklin, the former negro Pat Fitzgerald of the SEC.  Franklin, who is supposedly African-American but looks like a white boy with a spray-on tan, made two of the dumbest coaching decisions of the year in the Nittany Lions god-awful loss to Michigan.  First was the fake punt call in the third quarter.  With the ball on the Michigan's 37, Franklin decides to punt.  Of course any time a team decides to punt from that deep in the other team's territory, the other team is on the look-out for the fake, so that's bad enough.  But the fake punt was a sweep to a man-in-motion.  Uh, man-in-motion on a punt formation. . .uh, duh, that's a pretty obvious tip-off there ain't gonna be no punt. . .so no surprise when Michigan easily stuffs the fake fake for a two yard loss.  But Franklin topped that coaching blunder with a no-rhyme-or-reason time-out call late in the game.  Trailing 16-13 with 1:43 left and facing an impossible fourth-and-32 from their own three yard line, Franklin wasted Penn State's last time-out, apparently to avoid a delay of game penalty.  But the penalty would have been 18 inches!  And they took an intentional safety after the time out, anyway, to set-up an onside kick attempt on the free kick.  So what was the point of taking the time out???  Dumb.  This was the first game I've seen Franklin coach, and I wasn't impressed.  He got a genius coach hype for winning a few games at Vanderbilt, but, uh, he just got out-smarted by Brady Hoke.  Ouch. 

Kansas State +7.5 at Oklahoma: Oklahoma got pushed around by Texas.  That means the Sooners are soft. KSU doesn't have near the blue-chip recruits Oklahoma has.  But they play tough, and are well-coached by the one hundred year old Bill Snyder.  Kansas State. 

Texas A&M +12 at Alabama: Nick Saban didn't feel like apologizing for Bama's one point win over Arkansas last week:

Hey, Nicky, things ain't been quite right with the Tide ever since you started playing footsie with Lane Kiffen, which began before last year's Sugar Bowl, which maybe-not-so-conincidentally turned out to be an embarrassing loss. . .so, you know, maybe you ought to take the Lane Kiffen out of your eye, before you pull the pissed off motes out of the Tide fan base's eye, or. . .anyway, you know what I mean.  Texas A&M. 

Georgia -3.5 at Arkansas: The Razorbacks had Alabama beat, before head coach Bret Bielema mimicked his Wisconsin replacement Gary Anderson's dumb game one strategy against LSU and stopped running the ball and had a shitty QB start throwing passes.  Georgia's Clean Shirt defense played a helluva game last week, shutting out Missouri on the Tigers home turf, and holding them to less than 150 yards.  Georgia is now seeming in the driver's seat for the SEC East title, but this could be a tricky game, if Bielema would just remember he has a power run game.  I'm not convinced the Clean Shirts are up to confronting smash-mouth football.  Then again, Arkansas may go in the tank after tanking it against Alabama.  And yet, Georgia will probably have to play without Todd Gurley again, and so maybe this will be the game panicky 10 year back up QB Hutson Mason actually has to do something for the Dawgs to win, so. . .Arkansas.

Kentucky +10.5 at LSU: Somehow Kentucky is actually tied with Georgia in the loss column for the SEC East lead. . .this would seem a mere technicality, due to the SEC's primitive scheduling formula, rather than any football prowess on the part of the Wildcats.  Here it is in the middle of October, and Kentucky still hasn't played a good football team.  Now they get LSU, and their merits are debatable, also.  But you would think Les Miles just needs to give the ball 25 times to Leonard Fournette and the Bayou Bengals should be able to cover.  LSU.

Notre Dame +12 at Florida State: Despite all the scandals, and despite Georgia sitting Todd Gurley for a similar autograph-for-pay scheme, the *Semen*oles will trot out Hymen Trophy winner Jameis Winston for this Big Game against the Fighting Irish.  Florida State's worship of football success is an embarrassment, but the folks in Tallahassee are too pigskin intoxicated to notice how shameless they have become.  The winner of this game will be an overwhelming favorite to claim a Playoff spot, as neither team has a particularly challenging schedule left.  Notre Dame getting 12, despite the Winston stink hanging over Tallahassee?  Florida State hasn't been that good against a very soft schedule. Notre Dame is slower, but a lot stronger and tougher. . .and better coached.  Brian Kelly will have the Irish smart and error-free for sixty minutes.  Florida State can't play sixty straight good minutes.  No way they can cover the 12.  No way.  Notre Dame.

Stanford -3.5 at Arizona State: A good match-up for the Sun Devils. Stanford's defense is tough against the run, but ASU don't the run ball, anyway.  ASU's defense sucks, but so does Stanford's offense.  Arizona State.