NFL Week 4 Picks

3-2 vs the spread last week, 11-12 for the year. . .

Seattle EVEN at New York Jets: Seattle is 2-1, the Jets are 1-2.  Seattle has played a tomato can schedule, the Jets have played actual football teams.  I wouldn't hesitate to pick the Jets, even though their pass defense has been surprisingly bad, except Ryan Fitzpatrick, the All-Time Journeyman QB, looked like Matt Schaub on bath salts last week, tossing 6 INTs against KC.  Now he goes against the Seahawks?  This should be an ugly, low-scoring game, and I pick the Jets simply because of the turnover Law of Averages factor.  New York Jets.

Carolina -3 at Atlanta: Huh??  Again Atlanta getting points??  This time at home??  This line has to be based on last year's Panthers, but. . .that was then, and this is now. ..and while the Carolina D has still been pretty good, Cam Newton has fallen off Big Time, he's playing like Wayne Newton (I don't know what that means, other than Cam's playing like half-a-faggot, with his mind maybe more on Negro Lives Matter paranoia than football, which kinda reminds me of half-a-faggot Wayne Newton and his weird mafia paranoia):

But anyway, the Falcons offense is #1 in points and yards, and while their defense is still crap, unless Cam gets his mind off dead negroes, ain't no way Carolina can score enough to hang with the Falcons.  Two straight weeks Atlanta is EZ money.  Atlanta. 

Oakland +3.5 at Baltimore: The Ravens are the worst 3-0 team in the history of the National Football League. . .their offense is trash, they can't run the ball and Joe Flacco has more INTs than TDs.  They've won all their games because of their field goal kicker and their defense, which is ranked #2. . .but something tells me that's more because of the tomato cans they've played.  The Ravens have played, BY FAR, the EZist schedule in the League, their first three opponents having a combined 1-8 record.  So that means the Ravens are the Iowa Hawkeyes of the NFL.  The Raiders are a shaky 2-1, their play varies not only by game, but by quarter in each game.  They can look like a Super Bowl team for 10 or 15 minutes, then like the 2008 Detroit Lions for the next 10 or 15 minutes.  If the Raiders play football for 60 solid minutes, they'll win this by 14+. . .but if even they don't, even if they play their typical yo-yo game and try to give it away, the Ravens simply don't have enough to win by more than 3 points.  Oakland.   

Detroit -3 at Chicago: Uggh.  Two 98 lb weaklings trying to kick sand in each other's face, but the Windy City wind will blow the sand right back into their own eyes. . .22 football players stumbling around blind.  Horrible game.  Half the Lions defense is injured, which means we'll see the good 1st half of 2014 Brian Hoyer, and not the 2015 AFC Wild Card Game Brian Hoyer.  The Lions have beaten the Bears 6 straight times, and already have a win on the season, so the Law of Averages in this pillow fight favors the winless Bears.  Chicago.   

Denver -3 at Tampa Bay: Mediocre home team held down by shitty defense plays superior team with only a pedestrian offense that can't take advantage of home team's weakness, perfect match-up for an UPSET SPECIAL.  Tampa Bay.  

Los Angeles +8 at Arizona: The Rams looked like the worst team in the National Football League in Week 1, somehow getting waxed 28-0 by the terrible 49ers. . .now two weeks later they are 2-1 and Arizona, a supposed Elite team, is 1-2 and somehow got hammered by Rex Ryan's hapless Bills, making Rex's scapegoating move of firing his OC actually look inspired. . .for one improbable week, anyway.  Carson Palmer looks washed-up, for about the 3rd or 4th time in his career. . .will he bounce back, once again?  Or is he really finished this time?  Can anybody explain how the Rams managed to beat Seattle and Tampa with Case Keenum as their QB, and Todd Gurley averaging less than 3 yards a carry?  Neither of these teams makes any sense, so take the generous 8 points.  Los Angeles.

BONUS COLLEGE PICK:

Texas +2.5 at Oklahoma State: Texas squeaked out an overtime home win against Notre Dame in Week 1, and Media screamed TEXAS IS BACK!  This is all about Media babying negro head coaches.  Look, can you imagine Media ever lampooning negro Texas coach Charlie Strong the way they did Les Miles?  Les Miles, who won 77% of his games, and a National Championship?  Les was always just lucky, or a good recruiter, never a good coach.  Negro Strong, who can't win, isn't a bad coach, it's all Mack Brown's fault. . .Mack left the cupboard bare, Media says.  That was three fucking years ago!!  And Negro Strong gets a free pass for cheating on his wife, but white boy coaches like Bobby Petrino and Art Briles will always have a cloud over their head. Anyway, TEXAS IS BACK with their genius negro coach will be back to .500 after losing this game.  Oklahoma State.