NFL Week 8 Picks

4-3 vs the spread last week, 23-23-1 for the year. . .

Miami +8 at New England: New rah-rah interim coach Dan Campbell must think he's Knute Rockne. . .that'll happen to a guy who coaches against tomato cans every week.  But now *Tomato Can* Campbell has to coach against the Patriots, so let's see what happens.  The Patriots are 6-0, but they had a strange win over the Jets last week, not even pretending to try to run the ball. . .QB Tom Brady had 15 of the team's 16 meager rushing yards. Miami's Donkeykong Suh got his first two sacks of the season last week, and his buddies added six more, and you wonder if the Pats can get away with throwing on every down against a rejuvenated Dolphins pass rush.  I bet against the Dolphins last week, and it was 41-zip at halftime. Won't be the same this week, but I'll take the points. Miami.

Detroit +5 vs Kansas City (in London): The sad sack Lions musta seen what the Dolphins did, fire their coach and then turn around and have two blow-out wins, and they figured, gee, maybe that shit will work for us.  A couple problems. . .first, the Lions didn't fire their head coach, like the Dolphins, they kept Jim Caldwell and made offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi the scapegoat.  Typical Lions, going about things half-assed.  Hell, worse than half-assed, since the guy the Lions promoted to OC is ol' Jim Bob Cooter, the nut case who was arrested in 2009 for breaking into a woman's apartment, stripping down to his underwear, and climbing into bed with her.  I mean, this guy couldn't pass a background check to get a job mopping floors in a high school, yet he can make six figures drawing squiggly lines in the NFL?  The League is a world unto itself.  Anyway, what's this goofball gonna be able to teach Matthew Stafford, other than the naked bootleg?  Also, the Dolphins fired their coach on a bye week, giving the team a couple weeks to adjust, while the Lions made their change the week BEFORE their bye week. . .in fact, they shit-canned Lombardi just a couple hours before the team boarded their plane to London. . .uh, the timing on these moves might be just a little off, so don't expect much from the *new look* Lions. . .if they can get Cooter back into the United States without him causing an embarrassing international incident, they'll have their *moral* victory.  Kansas City.

Tampa Bay +7.5 at Atlanta: This may not be quite as EZ a game as it looks on *paper.*  The white woman-raping Jameis Winston is playing a little better as the season wears on, and Doug Martin is starting run the ball like he did in 2012.  Still, they are the Bucs. . .they somehow blew a 24-0 lead against Jay Gruden, Kirk Cousins and the sorry-ass Redskins last week.  Only two of the Falcons 6 wins have been by more than 6 points. . .one against the Brenda Weeden Cowboys and one against the Hoyer/Mallet Texans.  Let's pick the Falcons to win another squeaker, but fail to cover, like they did against the shitty Titans last week.  Tampa Bay. 

New York Giants +3.5 at New Orleans: Two mediocre teams that could be standard bearers for the National Parity League. Their combined record is 7-7, and yet one is a division leader, and the other still has a long shot chance at a wild card.  Neither of these teams is particularly good at anything. . .except beating injury-riddled opponents.  Now they face-off against each other in an NFL bum fight.  Take the bum getting the points.  New York Giants. 

Tennessee EVEN at Houston: Two horrible teams. . .one horrible coach (Titans Kunt Whisenkunt), and one coach who seems to have lost control (Texans Bill O'Brien).  O'Brien looked like he was about to cry in his post game press conference last week, trying to explain how his team could be behind 41-0 at half-time.  He managed to choke back the tears, and then say he did challenge his team to *win the second half,* which he was so proud they did. . .uh, OK, so you scored a few points against Miami's bench. . .why take pride in accepting charity?  The good news for O'Brien is Tennessee's first team ain't no better than Miami's second team, so the Texans ought to win both halves this week.  Houston.  

New York Jets -2 at Oakland: This used to be a helluva rivalry back in the old AFL days. . .Joe Namath vs Daryle Lamonica. . .Super Bowls used to be on the line.  Well, under new coaches, both teams have already matched their win totals from last season, so the glory days may be on their way back. The Jets have the NFL's premier defense, and if they had a decent QB, they'd already be a Super Bowl threat, instead of what they are with Ryan Fitzpatrick: a one-and-done wild card playoff team. The Raiders got a lot of young weapons on offense, it's only a matter of time before they take over the AFC West, a division loaded with has-been teams sputtering on their last legs.  Oakland.  

Green Bay -2.5 at Denver: The top two points against defenses in the League.  The difference is at quarterback: Aaron Rodgers is still in his prime, while Peyton Manning is running on fumes.  Packers win, and cover the 2.5 EZ.  Green Bay.