NFL Week 6 Picks

2-3 vs the spread last week, 16-17-1 for the year. . .

On Tuesday, after his team's crushing Monday night loss to Seattle, in which the National Football League's All-Time Greatest Garbage Time Receiver, Calvin *Megatron* Johnson fumbled away the game-winning touchdown and the zebras blew the touchback call, Detroit Lions head coach Jim Caldwell told the Media he didn't want his players talking about the game or the blown call, anymore:

"You can take that situation and drag it out through the week where your players are more focused in on that particular play than on the opposition that we have to face in just a few days. You can act, `Woe is me, that's a bad call, that went against us,' and look at all those kinds of things. That'll distract you and you'll get your ears kicked in come Sunday afternoon."

OK, so the Lions shut up about it and focused on the Cardinals, and didn't get their ears kicked in, right, coach?

Oh, oh. . .Arizona 42, Dee-troit 17. . .oh, oh.  Great leadership, there, Caldwell. . . 

Might as well have let the players bitch-and-moan about the Seattle game, they couldn't have played any fucking worse. . .ha ha ha.

And while you're at it, get rid of that stupid moustache.

Atlanta -3 at New Orleans: The Saints might have actually played worse than the Lions, getting steamrolled by a 1-3 Eagles team that hadn't been able to get out of its own way.  It's apparent now the Drew Brees Saints are washed-up, and if Sean Payton wants to win again in New Orleans, he's looking at a two-to-three year rebuilding project. . .I wouldn't be surprised if he left the Saints at the end of this season, before his coaching reputation suffers too much more damage.  How bad are the Saints?  Last year's shitty Mike Smith Falcons could beat them, so just imagine what this year's Dan Quinn Falcons will do.  Atlanta. 

Fuck Jim Caldwell and Detroit, Matt!
You'd be much happier playing for
the Cowboys or the Texans!

Chicago +3.5 at Detroit: As if Coach Caldwell's pregame strategy wasn't bad enough, he had a couple dumb-shit in-game moves.  1) he benched Matthew Stafford early in the 3rd quarter after issuing a half-time warning that he'd be removed if threw another INT. .sure enough, Stafford threw a pick, and got his ass yanked from the game. . .and, yes, Stafford sucked. . .but, look, how the fuck long has Caldwell been around football?  Surely this dumb motherfucker must have noticed: threatening/changing/benching QBs almost NEVER produces anything positive.  And yet, predictably, after the game Caldwell said Stafford was still his guy, but then did more damage by saying Matty could still be a good QB, as if he wasn't already. . .hey, he might not be a good QB, it's debatable, but why once again publicly slight your QB?  Totally counter-productive.  Nothing good comes out of these dumb QB moves. . .they're done so it looks like the coach is *coaching.* In reality, they just tear away at whatever remaining confidence the struggling QB has.  And in Stafford's case, his Social Media darling wife will now be whispering a little more loudly in his ear how unappreciated he is in Detroit, and how he doesn't deserve to be treated this way, blah blah blah. 2) For God only knows what ridiculous reason, trailing 35-7 with 12 minutes to go in the game, and facing a 4th down at the Cardinals 23 yard line, Caldwell sends out the field goal kicker.  Huh?!?!  THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PLAY THE FUCKING GAME.  YOU PLAY THE FUCKING GAME, NO MATTER HOW HOPELESSLY BEHIND, AS IF YOU ARE TRYING TO WIN, YOU DON'T PLAY THE GAME TO MAKE THE FINAL SCORE A LITTLE LESS EMBARRASSING.  Oh yeah, and Golden Tate complained after the game that the fans booed and left early.  Hey, Tate, shut your fucking piehole!  You barely average 10 yards a catch, and you fumbled the one accurate pass Stafford threw you.  The fans should toss flowers on the field after you fumble?  You do your job, and then the fans will do their job.  Typical Notre Dame prima donna.  No wonder nobody gave a shit when he left Seattle.   As for the Bears, John Fox is once again proving he is one of the League's great coaches.  Remember, a couple weeks ago it was the Bears, not the Lions, who were the League's biggest joke.  They were 0-3 and management began dumping players left and right in a fire sale, assuming the season was over.  But they forgot to tell Fox the Bears couldn't win.  Now with a victory the Bears are 3-3 and back in the Wild Card race.  If anybody can win with Jayne Cutler, it's John Fox.  He'll fix that Bears defense.  As I said in my season preview, the Bears are a dark horse playoff team.  Chicago.    

Miami +2.5 at Tennessee: Coach killer Donkeykong Suh's first game for Dan Campbell, another wonder boy coach cut from the Bill Parcells tree.  Poor Joe Philbin, he's got to be wondering why he couldn't get to coach against shitty Tennessee and get a season-saving win. If Suh can't make mincemeat out of the Titans, forget it.  Campbell's had two weeks to turn bratty, crybaby QB Ryan Tannehill into a leader.  I bet he has more luck getting Suh to play hard.  Gee, come to think of it, Tennessee, even under Kunt Whisencunt, might actually be the team with the more harmonious locker room.  Tennessee.    

Carolina +6.5 at Seattle: Uh, how come nobody ever says Ron Rivera is one of the best coaches?  Sure, the Panthers win ugly. . .but have you looked at their roster?  It IS ugly.  This guy wins with absolute garbage.  He's 4-0 with Cam Newton running quarterback draws.  That's it, that's all they got.  All his good defensive players get injured, suspended or bolt in free agency, and he just plugs the next guy in and he shuts you down, just the same.  Great fucking coach.  Most under-rated coach.  Without the zebras giving them a win over the Lions, the Seahawks are a 1-4 team.  Russell Wilson's getting knocked every which way from Sunday, and their superstar defense can't protect a lead.  Maybe they miss Dan Quinn?  Carolina is mentally and physically tougher.  Carolina. 

Baltimore -1 at San Francisco: Don't you think John Harbaugh would love to beat the shit out of the team that disrespected his brother?  But, Hell, the Ravens just need a win, period.  They were supposed to be a Super Bowl contender, now they're 1-4 and even looking up at, and getting beaten by the McClown Browns.  Ravens playing for pride, now.  Baltimore.  

New York Giants +4 at Philadelphia: Two weeks into the season and it looked like the 2-0 Cowboys were a cinch for the NFC East.  Three weeks and two injuries later, and the shitty Giants and Eagles are playing for first place.  That's the National Parity League, for you.  The Chip Kelly to USC, or Maryland, or Texas or Illinois or South Carolina or wherever rumors end here.  Philadelphia.