NCAA Week 5 (Didn't You Used To Be Jim Harbaugh? Edition)

They say football is a game of inches. . .

For Jim Harbaugh, it sure as Hell is. . .

It's been all Hell for Harbaugh since the November 26, 2016 4th down overtime J.T. Barrett spot (click here, if you forgot it).  Place the ball back an inch, and the whole Harbaugh narrative is changed.  He's not a colossal failure, the most over-rated, over-paid, over-hyped coach in football.  Instead, in just his second season back at his alma mater, he's won the B1G East, and more than likely headed for the College Football Playoff, and every bit the wonder coach he'd been billed as since his U-San Diego, Stanford and San Francisco 49er days.

BUT. . .

Harbaugh didn't get that inch, and that's as close as he has come to winning anything of consequence in Ann Arbor. . .

He's never beaten Ohio State, never won the B1G East, never won a game as an underdog, and has had some horribly embarrassing losses (blowing a 19-3 3rd Q lead to a shitty-ass South Carolina team in the 2018 Outback Bowl, giving up 62 points to OSU in last year's game, getting pummeled 42-13 in a Penn State white out game, and last week's 35-14 steamrolling from Wisconsin, just to name a few).

Harbaugh's reputation is in tatters. . .here's a typical mainstream sports media view:

Not only are the results on the field different, Harbaugh himself seems a lesser fellow.  He used to be an ultra-competitive near-bullying sideline agitator. Remember his famous post-game taunts of Pete Carroll?  His hyper-aggressive back slap of Jim Schwartz?  The present-day Harbaugh is a mere ghost of his old prick self.  Nowagamedays, he spends most of his time bent over, hands on knees, muttering to himself.  The fire is gone. . .

What happened to Harbaugh?  There are about as many theories as embarrassing losses, everything from Harbaugh is suffering from CTE to simple burn-out to the game has passed him by to the Pope told him something that turned him into a kind of football St Francis. ..

Whatever the cause, it's hard to imagine the old Jim Harbaugh returning. . .this is Year 5 at Michigan, and if anything Glorious was ever going to happen, we would have seen it by now. . .that one inch back in Columbus Ohio in November 2016 was as close Harbaugh will ever get.  

My guess is that Harbaugh is as puzzled as anybody by his lack of championship success at Michigan, and the howls of discontent from the hometown fans have to be especially hard to take for such a proud man.  There is absolutely zero chance Harbaugh would be fired, he wins enough little games to coach at Michigan as long as he wants, but I don't think Harbaugh can endure much more tarnish at Michigan.  To be seen as a disappointment, and as a mediocrity by the fan base of his beloved alma mater is too much.  If this season plays out as all his other Michigan seasons, with yet another loss to Ohio State, I predict Harbaugh will seek an exit from Michigan by retiring or by going back to the NFL, if he can find a professional team to take him.

Elsewhere from Week 4. . .

Didn't You Used To Be Chip Kelly?  Well, Chimp Kelly, the Chimp Kelly of 3-12 at UCLA, was well on his way to another humiliating defeat, down 32 points in the 3rd Q to Mike Leach's Washington State Cougars. . .BUT somehow Chimp managed to channel his earlier Chip self and his Bruins, led by previously horseshit QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson rallied for an improbable and amazing 67-63 win, somehow scoring 50 points in the game's last nineteen minutes.  Is Chip back?  Or was this a one game aberration from Chimp?  I would bet on aberration, but we'll see this week as Chimp has a game against a mediocore and negro-coached Arizona team.

Week Five Picks (12-11 against the spread for the year):

Rutgers +28 @ Michigan: It's been non-stop negativity for the Wolverines since their ass whipping in Madison.  Did Michigan hit rock bottom, or is there worse to come?  A loss to Rutgers was the beginning of the end for former Michigan coach Brady Hoke.  I can't see Michigan falling that far, although they only got a half-healthy Shea Patterson at QB, and if he goes down, and Harbaugh has to play Joe Milton--look out below!  In any event, this Michigan team has an offense without any rhyme or reason, and I can't see them scoring enough to beat anybody by 28.  At best, this looks like a 10 - 17 point victory.  Rutgers

Penn State -6.5 @ Maryland: I have the feeling Maryland will play more like they did the first two weeks of the season, when they were scoring more than a point a minute, than they did against Temple a couple weeks ago.  This is PSU QB Sean Clifford's first road game, and I expect a turnover or two.  Maryland

USC +10.5 @ Washington: USC keeps losing QBs, but somehow also manages to keep winning, last week beating Utah with third string QB Matt Fink throwing for 350 yards.  If they beat Washington, Clay Helton will be permanently off the hot seat, and Urban Meyer will have start prepping for the Florida State job.  USC 

Virginia +12.5 @ Notre Dame: A little bit of hangover for Notre Dame, after giving Georgia a tougher-than-expected fight last week.  Virginia

Mississippi +38 @ Alabama: RichRod's Ole Miss offense should be able score enough for the Rebels to cover.  Ole Miss

Ohio State -17 @ Nebraska: Nebraska almost upset OSU in Columbus last year, but the Buckeyes have a defense this year under new DC Greg Mattison, the former Michigan DL coach who told Jim Harbaugh to fuck off after last season, and bolted for the school down south, the first big tip-off that all was not well in the House of Harbaugh.  Ohio State

    

NCAA Week 4

In a drab Week 3 of suspenseless mismatches and inconsequential scrimmages, the unquestioned highlight was Arizona State's 10-7 stumble over Michigan State, featuring a last play 12-men-on-the-field penalty erasing the Spartans game-tying FG and provoking an epic showcase of Mark Dantonio sore loser faces. Dantonio is undeniably the best defensive coach of the last 15 years in college football. . .but he's also the biggest douche bag east of Brian Kelly. With a perpetual chip on his shoulder, the tiniest perceived slight will cause Dantonio to air his most cherished of lifetime grievances. In a typical display of pouting Dantonio-ism, the coach informed the media in his post-Arizona State press conference that he is not the type to blame losses on referees, then proceeded to do just that. Dantonio is a classic modern American religionist, always talking about church and god, but never Jesus.  For the American religionist, god is always on their side, always rewarding their (often questionable) work, which therefore creates a *storehouse* mentality, and chokes all charity from the soul.  Just look at the gallery of classic Mark Dantonio stingy faces as he is unable to fellowship with Herm Edwards in the traditional post-game handshake:

Elsewhere in Week 3. . .

Last week we asked *is this the best Maryland football team of our lifetimes* after averaging 71 points a game in their two season opening victories.  One week later, we have the answer: no.  The Terrapins turned football dyslexic, and only managed 17 points in a loss at mid-major Temple.

One week after a disastrous home loss to Coastal Carolina, which seemed to indicate the Mad Hatter Les Miles was probably just going out to pasture at Kansas, the Jayhawks came up with Week 3's most improbable beat-down: a 48-24 road whipping of Boston College, Kansas's first road win over a Power 5 school in about a hundred years.  Kansas only managed 280 yards and 7 points against CC, but somehow the 23 point underdogs were able to rip BC's usually solid defense for 567 yards and 4 dozen points.  As great as a win as it was for Miles, one of college football's legendary gOOfballs, it was as much, if not more, of a gridiron holocaust for BC's terminally mediocre Steve Addazio, and a sign that the end of his time may be near.

Oh, and Chimp Kelly lost again.  He's now 3-12 at UCLA following a 34 point loss in a half-empty Rose Bowl to Oklahoma.  After the game, Kelly mechanically spat out the following football speak: We’re a young football team. . .we’ll continue to fight, we’ll continue to battle. They competed in the second half, that’s something we have to build on. ..now we’ll have the opportunity to learn and grow after this one.  Oh, brother! Those cliches are as tired as Chimp's once-cutting edge offense.

  


















Thankfully conference play swings into action this week, and we've got a few nice early season showdowns. . .

Week Four Picks (9-8 against the spread for the year):

Utah -4 @ USC: The winner of this game will likely determine the *champion* of the Pac 12's shitty South Division, and if, after blowing a 4th Quarter lead against BYU last week, Chip Helton goes on the old hot seat for the rest of the year.  Utah's defense is the best unit on the field, and remember the old football cliche: defense travels.  Utah  

Michigan State -9.5 @ Northwestern: Pat Fitzgerald's been the B1G's most successful coach going up against Sore Loser Dantonio's defense, mainly because Fitzgerald doesn't bother trying to run the ball, he just has his QB drop back and throw 50 to 60 quick passes. . .but this year his QB don't look up to the task.  Former Clemson blue chipper Hunter Johnson has been awful, and I see an angry MSU team knocking this kid senseless, and shredding NU by at least 14 points.  Michigan State

Michigan +3.5 @ Wisconsin: I can't come up with a single reason to pick the Ghost of Harbaugh Wolverines, whose resume under Harbaugh is beat the crappy teams, and lose to the good teams, especially the good teams on the road.  Harbaugh hasn't won a single game he wasn't supposed to win in his time back in Ann Arbor, going 0-6 as an underdog.  And counting prior coaches, Michigan is an amazingly horrific 1-19 in their last 20 games as a 'dog.  Wisconsin hasn't allowed a single point this year, and somebody named Jack Coan is their QB and he is completing 76% of his passes, helping ease the load for beast running back Jonathan Taylor and happily making Badger fans forget the clunky pass offense of the past three Alex Hornibrook seasons.  Michigan, which has fumbled its way through two desultory victories, looks headed for a beat-down.  The Badgers at home only giving 3.5 is a bettor's gift. Wisconsin  

Auburn +4 @ Texas A&M: The Aggies can stop Auburn's run game, and Bo Nix isn't quite ready to carry a team to a road win against a quality SEC opponent.  Texas A&M

Oklahoma State +5 @ Texas: In a Big 12 shoot out, take the team with the better QB.  Texas

Notre Dame +13.5 @ Georgia: Georgia's averaging 7.6 ypc this season, and they've been one of the best run offenses for the last several seasons, while Notre Dame's run defense has been alarmingly bad against weaklings Louisville and New Mexico.  Georgia would have to turn the ball over 2 or 3 times not to cover.  Georgia

NCAA Week 3

Week 2 featured four rather odd overtime games:

Michigan 24, Army 21: Another sloppy, uninspired game by the Ghost of Harbaugh Wolverines.  This is not the same Jim Harbaugh who coached Stanford and the 49ers.  He spends most of the game bent over and muttering to himself on the sidelines, and makes dumb strategic decisions, such as passing up a 35 yd FG in a tie game midway thru the 4th quarter to go for a 4th and 2, and then trying a 4th and 1 near midfield with 2:30 left in the game.  Both play calls were predictable runs up the middle, which Army easily stuffed.  This was supposed to be a new *speed in space* offense or whatever they call it, but it looks just as Michigan vanilla as ever, minus (dumbly) a fullback to pick up the short yardage first downs.  I'm starting to believe Harbaugh is suffering from CTE, as his sideline demeanor and decision making mirror the degenerative brain disease symptoms of confusion, impaired judgment, depression, etc.  The Jim Harbaugh who coaches Michigan seems a shell of his former self.  

Florida State 45, Louisiana Monroe 44: After scoring a touchdown in the first overtime, whoever coaches ULM decided to kick the extra point and play for a second overtime instead of going for two against FSU's tissue paper defense.  The Monroe kicker promptly choked and missed the PAT by a mile, giving beleaguered Seminole coach Willie Taggart a brief reprieve.  Can you imagine the NOISE in the panhandle if the colored Taggart had lost a second consecutive game against a Group of 5 team?  But the win hardly hides the horrible deficiencies of the FSU defense, and it's hard to imagine Taggart winning more than 5 or 6 games this year. . .and even harder to imagine the FSU power boosters endorsing a third season for this darkie fuck-up.  But whoever coaches ULM is a dumb pussy for not going for 2.  His cowardice deprived his players of an opportunity for a memory of a lifetime.  

Brigham Young University 29, Tennessee 26: Not so lucky as Willie Taggart is Volunteer coach Jeremy Pruitt, who somehow managed to turn a 16 - 13 lead with 16 seconds left and BYU facing a 3rd and 6 at their own 20 yd line into an OT loss.  Not exactly the response your fan base was looking for after Week One's humiliating loss to Georgia State, nor were Pruitt's later comments comparing the Volunteer football program to the Titanic!  Pruitt might get a third year, just because he's white and Tennessee might not want to expose itself to another coaching search so soon after the 2017 debacle.  Then again, if you saw the rather light effort exhibited by the Tennessee defense as BYU's offensive line pushed running back Ty'Son Williams five yards into the endzone for the game winning TD, with only 3 or 4 Volunteers offering passive resistance, that easy acceptance of defeat might force AD Phil Fulmer to try a Mack Brown, and make his own football second coming.  

Colorado 34, Nebraska Isn't Back 31: Let's give the Buffaloes' Mel Tucker our Negro Coach of the Week Award for leading CU back from a 17-0 halftime deficit to the Mighty Scott Frosts.  Great win for the rookie colored coach in just his second game, beating a real glamour white boy coach. Nebraska's defense still looks soft, and Adrian Martinez still makes a couple of costly blunders every game.  Frost made his usual *things will get better* promise afterwards while looking like he was about to cry:

Week 2, elsewhere:

Last week I laughed at Maryland's players for bragging about scoring 79 against negro lightweight Howard, do it against Syracuse, I said.  Well, they put up 63.  Damn!    Mike Locksley, who won only two games in three years at New Mexico, has matched that in two weeks at Maryland.  Is this the best Maryland football team of our lifetimes?  Are they for real?  They racked up 650 yards against a ten win team from a year ago with 7 returning starters on defense.  Let's check back on Sep. 27, after their game at Penn State.

Wisconsin hasn't allowed a point and only 215 total yards in their first two games.  Sure, they played cream puffs, but even New Mexico State managed to score 10 on mighty Alabama, and Murray State put up 17 on Georgia. 

All of a sudden, Clay *Hot Seat* Helton's USC Trojans look like the best team in the shitty Pac 12, and this after losing QB JT Daniels in their season opener.  USC blasted Stanford 45-20 with a lightly recruited true freshman QB passing for 377 yards.  Looks like Helton's switch to the Texas Tech 5 win/7 loss flash offense will end up saving his job.

Chimp Kelly continues to lose in great comfort, with only 36000 bothering to show up in the Rose Bowl to boo the first UCLA team to ever lose to San Diego State.  Chimp's now lost to 2 Group of 5ers to start the 2019 season, and has a banana peel-esque 3-11 mark in Westwood.  Dual non-Threat QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson has 17 carries for minus 39 yards for the year.  Great schematics, coach Kelly!  I guess your real genius lies in your conning UCLA out of $25 million!  That makes losing a minor inconvenience, at worst.

Mack Brown won again, Les Miles lost to Coastal Carolina, and Charlie Strong lost his 8th straight game, further cementing his reputation as the lousiest negro head coach in college football.

Week Three Picks (7-4 against the spread for the year): When Iowa-Iowa State and Maryland-Temple are the big games of the week, you know there is a real scheduling problem in college football.  This will be 1/4 of the season done, and there have only been a handful of decent games.  Sure, things will get tastier in a week when conference games kick in, but what's the point of having 25% of the season be nothing more than stat building scrimmages?  Anyway, there's little point in offering snarky comments on these filler games, so instead we'll just post this week's 6 team parlay:

Week Two

Last week featured a ton of *exhibition games* in which Power 5 schools bribed small-timers to take a football raping, but none stunk worse than Maryland's 79-0 *win* over negro lightweight Howard.  What made this fake game particularly odious was how Maryland players bragged afterward on social media they *honored* Jordan McNair, their former teammate who died from a heat stroke which the coaching/medical staff bungled after a practice last year.  Typical was this tweet from offensive lineman Ellis McKennie:

Dude, you didn't score 79 points.  You'd have to play a real team to say you scored 79 points.  Your athletic department bought you 79 points.  Try scoring 79 this week against Syracuse, then come back and brag.  Only a retard would think beating a punching bag like Howard would somehow bestow honor on a dead teammate.  And yes, a player who died because of football malpractice most likely would want to be *apart* of Maryland's in poor taste football joke. 
   
Other Week One Lowlights:

Cincinnati 24, UCLA 14: Hahahaha!  Bruin QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson, who uses the *hood* appellation DTR, had one of the All-Time Worst games ever quarterbacked by a so-called *5 Star Blue Chip* top 40 recruit. . .8 for 26, with 2 INTS, 10 carries for minus 20 yards and 2 fumbles. . .DTR played like a walk-on forced into action due to 3 scholarship QBs being suspended for raping a white girl.  After the game the human turnover chain seemed like he might not be playing with a full deck, as he struggled to explain why he couldn't hold a football:

Gotta look at the flim to see why he couldn't hold a football?  Yeah. OK.  Reminds me of this guy:

As for *genius* Chimp Kelly, don't you think the folks in Gainesville are thanking their lucky stars Chimp spurned them for LA, and they had to *settle* for Dan Mullen?  I don't think Chimp ever wanted to coach in the SEC pressure cooker.  He's 3-10 at UCLA, but nobody really gives a shit about college football out there.  If Chimp had went to Florida and started 3-10, his life would be a living hell.  UCLA paid a TON for this fat boy, and with a buyout as big as his waistline it looks like they are stuck with him for at least two more seasons. . .by which time Urban Meyer will probably be coaching USC.  I guess it sucks to be one of the two or three Bruin football fans. . .

The Other *5 Star Blue Chip* QB Flop: I thought all the talk about how Hunter Johnson was struggling to beat-out journeyman walk-on TJ *Trent's Son* Green was just Northwestern sandbagging. . .but, no. Johnson was nearly as shitty as DTR in the Wildcats disappointing 17-7 loss to Stanford.  Johnson was 6 for 17 with 2 INTS and a 4.2 QBR. . .ouch!  Johnson was so bad, he was yanked for Green, who was a little better, and managed to get NW into the end zone. . .and then Green, just like his frail father, got hurt and NW had to go back to Johnson, who gave up a last play fumble TD to ruin every bettor who took the Wildcats against the spread.  If this is the real Hunter Johnson, Pat Fitzgerald could be staring at a first-to-worst slide this year. 

Georgia State 38, Tennessee 30: Tennessee fired Butch Jones after the 2017 season, and then tried to hire about 8 different guys before having to make due with Plan 9 From Outer Space candidate Jeremy Pruitt.  Haha!  I hope all those students who protested against the hiring of Greg Schiano were at the Volunteers home opener Saturday, where they got rolled by one of the ten worst FBS teams.  Tennessee was a meager 5-7 in 2018, but Pruitt promised big improvement for this year, and a lot of Orange heads bought the hype.  Oops!  All that's left now for Volunteer fans is to go back to what they do best: delusional day-dreaming of Big Name coach/early retiree turned TV analyst to the rescue.  For years Jon Gruden was their dream coach, now that he's off the board, I'm sure it's Urban Meyer Rocky Top fantasies they're beating off to!  

North Carolina 24, South Carolina 20: And it ain't gonna work out for Will Muschump in South Carolina, either.  Starting his 4th year with a 4 yr starting QB, Muschump just got beat by North Carolina (2 wins in 2018) in 100-year-old Mack Brown's first game in his second coming at NC, with a true freshman QB, no less.  I doubt there will be a third SEC team dumb enough to hire Muschump. 

Nevada 34, Purdue 31: The Boilermakers paid $30 million to keep Jeff Brohm from leaving for Louisville, and what did all those millions buy them?  A shitty season opener of a blown 17 point lead to a Group of 5 team.  Let this be a lesson to ADs everywhere: never pay $30 million for a coach who has a huge stain on his face.

 

Boise State 36, Florida State 31: Speaking of blowing big leads against Group of 5 teams, Willie Taggart did Jeff Brohm one better, choking away an 18 point advantage over Boise State AT HOME.  That's not a good look for Taggart in game one after a 5-7 season at a perennial football powerhouse.  And it's especially not a good look since Taggart is failing at a place where his colored skin will buy him one less year rebuilding time.  I absolutely guarantee FSU's next head coach will be white.

Other Willie Taggarts To Lose Embarrassing Season Openers: Kevin Sumlin, Arizona.  Charlie Strong, USF. 


Week One Highlights:

USC 31, Fresno State 23: Unlike Willie Taggart, Clay *Hot Seat* Helton didn't shit the bed against a Group of 5er.  His new Texas Tech 5 win/7 loss flash offense looked like a good fit for QB JT Daniels, as the Trojans scored easily, early, and often.  Alas, for Helton and USC, Daniels wrecked his knee just before half time and is now out for the year, which probably means Helton will be out permanently after the season.

Auburn 27, Oregon 21: Auburn turned in the guttiest and most impressive performance of Week One, rallying to beat Oregon behind true freshman QB Bo Nix.  Nix looked shaky most of the game, but in 4th Quarter money time, Nix made just enough big plays to lead his time back.  As for Oregon, it was no surprise to see Justin *All The Tools, But. . .* Herbert do Justinough to lose.  For three quarters Herbert seemed the better QB, but in the 4th quarter he disappeared, while Nix took command.  NFL GMs ought to remember Herbert's vanishing act when the 2020 draft rolls around.


Week Two Picks (3-2 against spread for the year):

Cincinnati +17 @ Ohio State: You know Luke Fickell, the Eternal Buckeye who had the misfortune to be the placeholder coach between Jim Tressel and Urban Meyer, would love to somehow come back to Columbus and take a big shit all over pretty boy coach Ryan Day.  I wouldn't pick the Bearcats to win outright, but Fickell will have Cincinnati primed to cover the 17 in his own personal Super Bowl. 

Vanderbilt +8 @ Purdue: The Second Tier Conference Pride Bowl between the SEC and B1G.  Could be a preview of the 2019 Terro Fly Paper Bowl.  Vanderbilt.

Texas A&M +19 @ Clemson: Trevor Lawrence will have to play much better than he did in Week One for Clemson to cover the 19.  Hell, he could have a QBR of a 100, and they still might not cover.  Texas A&M.

BYU +4 @ Tennessee: After last week's humiliating loss, the pressure is on Jeremy Pruitt to get the Vols a win.  But he ain't up to it, he has the stink of a loser all over him.  Last week's game was lost before it even started.  It was lost all off season, all spring and fall practice. The kind of foundational problems that lead to getting rolled by lightweight Georgia State can't be fixed in a week.  BYU.

Tulane +19 @ Auburn: Tulane is not a half-bad Group of 5er, and Auburn is looking at a let-down after the big emotional comeback over Oregon.  Plus Gus Malzahn's team has never been known for its consistency, anyway.  Tulane.  

LSU -5 @ Texas: The Tom Herman Suitors Bowl.  Ed Orgeron probably wants to beat Tom Herman almost as much as Luke Fickell would love to take a shit on Ryan Day. Orgeron wants to prove he should have been LSU's first choice, not their consolation prize.  And I'm not convinced Herman is really a better coach, though not for any football x's and o's reasons, but because of the sleaze you can hear starting at the 30:45 mark here:

Just for that, I gotta pick LSU.

   

2019 College Football Preview

Thankfully another football season is almost here to distract us from the interminable tedium of the *American Way of Life* (MAGA, border concentration camps, Israel worship, mass shootings and crybaby gun fags, sexual identity dysmorphia, foreign wars, low wages/imbecilic employment, unhealthy care for all, climate extinction and Jeffrey Epstein syndrome).  Let the games begin and Elizabeth Warren be banished to the nearest reservation!


Pre-Season AP Top 25: Over-rated?  Under-rated?  About Right?
1. Clemson--exactly right. Dabo is the last of the great Jesus coaches and has established his football kingdom in the south 
2. Alabama--over-rated.  Defense ain't what it used to be. Tua will be the next Marcus Mariota
3. Georgia--about right.  Only one tough road game, at Auburn
4. Oklahoma--about right. Weak conference, soft schedule.  Jalen Hurts will probably finish higher in the Heisman voting than Tua
5. Ohio State--over-rated. No Urban, Georgia quitter for QB
6. LSU--over-rated.  Has the talent, but brutal schedule makes it almost impossible to finish this high with their cornball head coach
7. Michigan--over-rated. The strange Ghost of Harbaugh-era continues: big promises, mediocre results, prissy spats with opponent coaches 
8. Florida--about right. If they can win either the LSU or Georgia game, will be a dark-horse playoff contender
9. Notre Dame--under-rated.  Only two tough games, at Georgia, at Michigan.  Win one, and another playoff beating awaits
10. Texas--about right.  Soft schedule, young defense, unstable head coach
11. Oregon--over-rated everything: team, QB, head coach
12. Texas A&M--under-rated, but like LSU, brutal schedule, but unlike LSU, competent head coach, so could finish in Top 10
13. Washington--under-rated. Best team and coach in shitty conference
14. Utah--about right.  2nd best team and 3rd best coach in shitty conference
15. Penn State--under-rated. Weak schedule, NFL players to compensate for idiot coach, a decent sleeper pick for playoffs if they find a QB
16. Auburn--about right. NFL players, but eccentric coach and LSU/Texas A&M-type brutal schedule
17. UCF--who gives a shit?  Even if they go undefeated, they don't matter in the CFP race.
18. Michigan State--under-rated.  Best defense, by far, in college game.  Offense? Uh. . . If they can scrape 21 points a game, will be playoff dark-horse
19. Wisconsin--under-rated, the Penn State of the B1G West.  The running back is the best north of Georgia
20. Iowa--over-rated.  Coach has been there forever, long enough to lose over 100 games
21. Iowa State--under-rated. Tough coach, tough team in soft conference
22. Syracuse--under-rated.  2nd best team in flimsy conference
23. Washington State--under-rated.  Great screwball coach always stuck in football Siberias
24. Nebraska--under-rated. Arrogant red-ass coach, soft schedule in weak division, QB over-rated, makes some of the dumbest plays ever seen
25. Stanford--over-rated.  Most over-rated coach in college football

Should Have Been in Pre-Season Top 25: 
Missouri, Northwestern

Predictions

Given The Current Climate In MAGA-LAND, Games Most Likely You Wouldn't Want To Attend Without A Kevlar Vest: Abilene Christian @ North Texas, 8-31.  Grambling @ ULM, 8-31. Army @ UTSA, 9-14.

Which Coaching *Legend* Retread Will Win More Games, Mack Brown or Les Miles: Les Miles

1st QB To Pout And Declare Transfer: Already at least five, and season hasn't even started--Jake Haener/Washington, Jack Sears/USC, Kasim Hill/Maryland, Keytaon Thompson/Mississippi St, Colt Garrett/Texas Tech. There's no point now in recruiting more than one QB per class, with so many of these fragile egos around, you can always pick up Somebody U.'s leftover at the *Transfer Portal* yard sale. 

Upset Specials: Eastern Washington over Washington on 8-31, Eastern Michigan over Kentucky on 9-7, Michigan State over Ohio State on 10-5, Utah State over LSU on 10-5, Kansas over Texas on 10-19, Indiana over Michigan on 11-23.

The Four Playoff Teams: Clemson (100% confidence), Oklahoma (75% confidence), Georgia (75% confidence), Notre Dame (25% confidence)

National Champion: Clemson, EZ pick. They are a cut above everyone else, including SEC Heavyweights Georgia and Alabama.

Week One Picks (against spread):

Wisconsin -11.5 @ South Florida: Massive beat-down as Wisconsin sends Charlie Strong 2.0 Meltdown to its 7th straight loss.

Oklahoma State -14 @ Oregon State: New QB at OK St, 15th year for Mike Gundy, which means nutcase act is turning stale.  Oregon State can score enough to cover, and maybe even win out-right.

Northwestern +6.5 @ Stanford: Northwestern, as long as Pat Fitzgerald does the right thing and starts Clemson transfer Hunter Johnson at QB.

Oregon +3.5 vs Auburn: Most of the Oregon hype is due to Justin Herbert returning, but I don't see Big Time QB in him, one of those fruit QBs who looks like an All-American at those Skills Summer Camps, but in actual football games is just mediocre. Auburn, EZ. 
  
Fresno State +14 @ USC: Clay Helton tries to save his job by installing Texas Tech's 5 win/7 loss flash offense. Good luck with that! Fresno State.