Thankfully another football season is almost here to distract us from the interminable tedium of the *American Way of Life* (MAGA, border concentration camps, Israel worship, mass shootings and crybaby gun fags, sexual identity dysmorphia, foreign wars, low wages/imbecilic employment, unhealthy care for all, climate extinction and Jeffrey Epstein syndrome). Let the games begin and Elizabeth Warren be banished to the nearest reservation!
Pre-Season AP Top 25: Over-rated? Under-rated? About Right?
1. Clemson--exactly right. Dabo is the last of the great Jesus coaches and has established his football kingdom in the south
2. Alabama--over-rated. Defense ain't what it used to be. Tua will be the next Marcus Mariota
3. Georgia--about right. Only one tough road game, at Auburn
4. Oklahoma--about right. Weak conference, soft schedule. Jalen Hurts will probably finish higher in the Heisman voting than Tua
5. Ohio State--over-rated. No Urban, Georgia quitter for QB
6. LSU--over-rated. Has the talent, but brutal schedule makes it almost impossible to finish this high with their cornball head coach
7. Michigan--over-rated. The strange Ghost of Harbaugh-era continues: big promises, mediocre results, prissy spats with opponent coaches
8. Florida--about right. If they can win either the LSU or Georgia game, will be a dark-horse playoff contender
9. Notre Dame--under-rated. Only two tough games, at Georgia, at Michigan. Win one, and another playoff beating awaits
10. Texas--about right. Soft schedule, young defense, unstable head coach
11. Oregon--over-rated everything: team, QB, head coach
12. Texas A&M--under-rated, but like LSU, brutal schedule, but unlike LSU, competent head coach, so could finish in Top 10
13. Washington--under-rated. Best team and coach in shitty conference
14. Utah--about right. 2nd best team and 3rd best coach in shitty conference
15. Penn State--under-rated. Weak schedule, NFL players to compensate for idiot coach, a decent sleeper pick for playoffs if they find a QB
16. Auburn--about right. NFL players, but eccentric coach and LSU/Texas A&M-type brutal schedule
17. UCF--who gives a shit? Even if they go undefeated, they don't matter in the CFP race.
18. Michigan State--under-rated. Best defense, by far, in college game. Offense? Uh. . . If they can scrape 21 points a game, will be playoff dark-horse
19. Wisconsin--under-rated, the Penn State of the B1G West. The running back is the best north of Georgia
20. Iowa--over-rated. Coach has been there forever, long enough to lose over 100 games
21. Iowa State--under-rated. Tough coach, tough team in soft conference
22. Syracuse--under-rated. 2nd best team in flimsy conference
23. Washington State--under-rated. Great screwball coach always stuck in football Siberias
24. Nebraska--under-rated. Arrogant red-ass coach, soft schedule in weak division, QB over-rated, makes some of the dumbest plays ever seen
25. Stanford--over-rated. Most over-rated coach in college football
Should Have Been in Pre-Season Top 25:
Missouri, Northwestern
Predictions
Given The Current Climate In MAGA-LAND, Games Most Likely You Wouldn't Want To Attend Without A Kevlar Vest: Abilene Christian @ North Texas, 8-31. Grambling @ ULM, 8-31. Army @ UTSA, 9-14.
Which Coaching *Legend* Retread Will Win More Games, Mack Brown or Les Miles: Les Miles
1st QB To Pout And Declare Transfer: Already at least five, and season hasn't even started--Jake Haener/Washington, Jack Sears/USC, Kasim Hill/Maryland, Keytaon Thompson/Mississippi St, Colt Garrett/Texas Tech. There's no point now in recruiting more than one QB per class, with so many of these fragile egos around, you can always pick up Somebody U.'s leftover at the *Transfer Portal* yard sale.
Upset Specials: Eastern Washington over Washington on 8-31, Eastern Michigan over Kentucky on 9-7, Michigan State over Ohio State on 10-5, Utah State over LSU on 10-5, Kansas over Texas on 10-19, Indiana over Michigan on 11-23.
The Four Playoff Teams: Clemson (100% confidence), Oklahoma (75% confidence), Georgia (75% confidence), Notre Dame (25% confidence)
National Champion: Clemson, EZ pick. They are a cut above everyone else, including SEC Heavyweights Georgia and Alabama.
Week One Picks (against spread):
Wisconsin -11.5 @ South Florida: Massive beat-down as Wisconsin sends Charlie Strong 2.0 Meltdown to its 7th straight loss.
Oklahoma State -14 @ Oregon State: New QB at OK St, 15th year for Mike Gundy, which means nutcase act is turning stale. Oregon State can score enough to cover, and maybe even win out-right.
Northwestern +6.5 @ Stanford: Northwestern, as long as Pat Fitzgerald does the right thing and starts Clemson transfer Hunter Johnson at QB.
Oregon +3.5 vs Auburn: Most of the Oregon hype is due to Justin Herbert returning, but I don't see Big Time QB in him, one of those fruit QBs who looks like an All-American at those Skills Summer Camps, but in actual football games is just mediocre. Auburn, EZ.
Fresno State +14 @ USC: Clay Helton tries to save his job by installing Texas Tech's 5 win/7 loss flash offense. Good luck with that! Fresno State.
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