NCAA Week 4

In a drab Week 3 of suspenseless mismatches and inconsequential scrimmages, the unquestioned highlight was Arizona State's 10-7 stumble over Michigan State, featuring a last play 12-men-on-the-field penalty erasing the Spartans game-tying FG and provoking an epic showcase of Mark Dantonio sore loser faces. Dantonio is undeniably the best defensive coach of the last 15 years in college football. . .but he's also the biggest douche bag east of Brian Kelly. With a perpetual chip on his shoulder, the tiniest perceived slight will cause Dantonio to air his most cherished of lifetime grievances. In a typical display of pouting Dantonio-ism, the coach informed the media in his post-Arizona State press conference that he is not the type to blame losses on referees, then proceeded to do just that. Dantonio is a classic modern American religionist, always talking about church and god, but never Jesus.  For the American religionist, god is always on their side, always rewarding their (often questionable) work, which therefore creates a *storehouse* mentality, and chokes all charity from the soul.  Just look at the gallery of classic Mark Dantonio stingy faces as he is unable to fellowship with Herm Edwards in the traditional post-game handshake:

Elsewhere in Week 3. . .

Last week we asked *is this the best Maryland football team of our lifetimes* after averaging 71 points a game in their two season opening victories.  One week later, we have the answer: no.  The Terrapins turned football dyslexic, and only managed 17 points in a loss at mid-major Temple.

One week after a disastrous home loss to Coastal Carolina, which seemed to indicate the Mad Hatter Les Miles was probably just going out to pasture at Kansas, the Jayhawks came up with Week 3's most improbable beat-down: a 48-24 road whipping of Boston College, Kansas's first road win over a Power 5 school in about a hundred years.  Kansas only managed 280 yards and 7 points against CC, but somehow the 23 point underdogs were able to rip BC's usually solid defense for 567 yards and 4 dozen points.  As great as a win as it was for Miles, one of college football's legendary gOOfballs, it was as much, if not more, of a gridiron holocaust for BC's terminally mediocre Steve Addazio, and a sign that the end of his time may be near.

Oh, and Chimp Kelly lost again.  He's now 3-12 at UCLA following a 34 point loss in a half-empty Rose Bowl to Oklahoma.  After the game, Kelly mechanically spat out the following football speak: We’re a young football team. . .we’ll continue to fight, we’ll continue to battle. They competed in the second half, that’s something we have to build on. ..now we’ll have the opportunity to learn and grow after this one.  Oh, brother! Those cliches are as tired as Chimp's once-cutting edge offense.

  


















Thankfully conference play swings into action this week, and we've got a few nice early season showdowns. . .

Week Four Picks (9-8 against the spread for the year):

Utah -4 @ USC: The winner of this game will likely determine the *champion* of the Pac 12's shitty South Division, and if, after blowing a 4th Quarter lead against BYU last week, Chip Helton goes on the old hot seat for the rest of the year.  Utah's defense is the best unit on the field, and remember the old football cliche: defense travels.  Utah  

Michigan State -9.5 @ Northwestern: Pat Fitzgerald's been the B1G's most successful coach going up against Sore Loser Dantonio's defense, mainly because Fitzgerald doesn't bother trying to run the ball, he just has his QB drop back and throw 50 to 60 quick passes. . .but this year his QB don't look up to the task.  Former Clemson blue chipper Hunter Johnson has been awful, and I see an angry MSU team knocking this kid senseless, and shredding NU by at least 14 points.  Michigan State

Michigan +3.5 @ Wisconsin: I can't come up with a single reason to pick the Ghost of Harbaugh Wolverines, whose resume under Harbaugh is beat the crappy teams, and lose to the good teams, especially the good teams on the road.  Harbaugh hasn't won a single game he wasn't supposed to win in his time back in Ann Arbor, going 0-6 as an underdog.  And counting prior coaches, Michigan is an amazingly horrific 1-19 in their last 20 games as a 'dog.  Wisconsin hasn't allowed a single point this year, and somebody named Jack Coan is their QB and he is completing 76% of his passes, helping ease the load for beast running back Jonathan Taylor and happily making Badger fans forget the clunky pass offense of the past three Alex Hornibrook seasons.  Michigan, which has fumbled its way through two desultory victories, looks headed for a beat-down.  The Badgers at home only giving 3.5 is a bettor's gift. Wisconsin  

Auburn +4 @ Texas A&M: The Aggies can stop Auburn's run game, and Bo Nix isn't quite ready to carry a team to a road win against a quality SEC opponent.  Texas A&M

Oklahoma State +5 @ Texas: In a Big 12 shoot out, take the team with the better QB.  Texas

Notre Dame +13.5 @ Georgia: Georgia's averaging 7.6 ypc this season, and they've been one of the best run offenses for the last several seasons, while Notre Dame's run defense has been alarmingly bad against weaklings Louisville and New Mexico.  Georgia would have to turn the ball over 2 or 3 times not to cover.  Georgia