Michigan 24, Army 21: Another sloppy, uninspired game by the Ghost of Harbaugh Wolverines. This is not the same Jim Harbaugh who coached Stanford and the 49ers. He spends most of the game bent over and muttering to himself on the sidelines, and makes dumb strategic decisions, such as passing up a 35 yd FG in a tie game midway thru the 4th quarter to go for a 4th and 2, and then trying a 4th and 1 near midfield with 2:30 left in the game. Both play calls were predictable runs up the middle, which Army easily stuffed. This was supposed to be a new *speed in space* offense or whatever they call it, but it looks just as Michigan vanilla as ever, minus (dumbly) a fullback to pick up the short yardage first downs. I'm starting to believe Harbaugh is suffering from CTE, as his sideline demeanor and decision making mirror the degenerative brain disease symptoms of confusion, impaired judgment, depression, etc. The Jim Harbaugh who coaches Michigan seems a shell of his former self.
Florida State 45, Louisiana Monroe 44: After scoring a touchdown in the first overtime, whoever coaches ULM decided to kick the extra point and play for a second overtime instead of going for two against FSU's tissue paper defense. The Monroe kicker promptly choked and missed the PAT by a mile, giving beleaguered Seminole coach Willie Taggart a brief reprieve. Can you imagine the NOISE in the panhandle if the colored Taggart had lost a second consecutive game against a Group of 5 team? But the win hardly hides the horrible deficiencies of the FSU defense, and it's hard to imagine Taggart winning more than 5 or 6 games this year. . .and even harder to imagine the FSU power boosters endorsing a third season for this darkie fuck-up. But whoever coaches ULM is a dumb pussy for not going for 2. His cowardice deprived his players of an opportunity for a memory of a lifetime.
Brigham Young University 29, Tennessee 26: Not so lucky as Willie Taggart is Volunteer coach Jeremy Pruitt, who somehow managed to turn a 16 - 13 lead with 16 seconds left and BYU facing a 3rd and 6 at their own 20 yd line into an OT loss. Not exactly the response your fan base was looking for after Week One's humiliating loss to Georgia State, nor were Pruitt's later comments comparing the Volunteer football program to the Titanic! Pruitt might get a third year, just because he's white and Tennessee might not want to expose itself to another coaching search so soon after the 2017 debacle. Then again, if you saw the rather light effort exhibited by the Tennessee defense as BYU's offensive line pushed running back Ty'Son Williams five yards into the endzone for the game winning TD, with only 3 or 4 Volunteers offering passive resistance, that easy acceptance of defeat might force AD Phil Fulmer to try a Mack Brown, and make his own football second coming.
Colorado 34, Nebraska Isn't Back 31: Let's give the Buffaloes' Mel Tucker our Negro Coach of the Week Award for leading CU back from a 17-0 halftime deficit to the Mighty Scott Frosts. Great win for the rookie colored coach in just his second game, beating a real glamour white boy coach. Nebraska's defense still looks soft, and Adrian Martinez still makes a couple of costly blunders every game. Frost made his usual *things will get better* promise afterwards while looking like he was about to cry:
Week 2, elsewhere:
Last week I laughed at Maryland's players for bragging about scoring 79 against negro lightweight Howard, do it against Syracuse, I said. Well, they put up 63. Damn! Mike Locksley, who won only two games in three years at New Mexico, has matched that in two weeks at Maryland. Is this the best Maryland football team of our lifetimes? Are they for real? They racked up 650 yards against a ten win team from a year ago with 7 returning starters on defense. Let's check back on Sep. 27, after their game at Penn State.
Wisconsin hasn't allowed a point and only 215 total yards in their first two games. Sure, they played cream puffs, but even New Mexico State managed to score 10 on mighty Alabama, and Murray State put up 17 on Georgia.
All of a sudden, Clay *Hot Seat* Helton's USC Trojans look like the best team in the shitty Pac 12, and this after losing QB JT Daniels in their season opener. USC blasted Stanford 45-20 with a lightly recruited true freshman QB passing for 377 yards. Looks like Helton's switch to the Texas Tech 5 win/7 loss flash offense will end up saving his job.
Chimp Kelly continues to lose in great comfort, with only 36000 bothering to show up in the Rose Bowl to boo the first UCLA team to ever lose to San Diego State. Chimp's now lost to 2 Group of 5ers to start the 2019 season, and has a banana peel-esque 3-11 mark in Westwood. Dual non-Threat QB Dorian Thompson-Robinson has 17 carries for minus 39 yards for the year. Great schematics, coach Kelly! I guess your real genius lies in your conning UCLA out of $25 million! That makes losing a minor inconvenience, at worst.
Mack Brown won again, Les Miles lost to Coastal Carolina, and Charlie Strong lost his 8th straight game, further cementing his reputation as the lousiest negro head coach in college football.
Week Three Picks (7-4 against the spread for the year): When Iowa-Iowa State and Maryland-Temple are the big games of the week, you know there is a real scheduling problem in college football. This will be 1/4 of the season done, and there have only been a handful of decent games. Sure, things will get tastier in a week when conference games kick in, but what's the point of having 25% of the season be nothing more than stat building scrimmages? Anyway, there's little point in offering snarky comments on these filler games, so instead we'll just post this week's 6 team parlay:
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