NFL Week 12 Picks

5-2-1 vs the spread last week, 35-41-2 for the year.

Cleveland +3 at Atlanta: The Browns get pothead Josh Gordon back this week.  They need him after the egg they laid at home against the Texans.  Somehow Brian Hoyer only managed to complete twenty of the fifty passes he chucked.  The Browns also cut free agent RB bust Ben Tate, rightly deciding they are better off with former Georgia freshman phenom Isaiah Crowell. . .Crowell was run out of Georgia after a gun crime, ended up at Alabama State and now has a chance to resurrect his career in Cleveland.  He'll probably fuck it up.  At 4-6, the Falcons are actually in first place in the NFC Goodwill division, and Mike Smith is breathing a bit easier these days.  The Browns are in a real dogfight in the AFC North, they need this game.  I think they are the mentally and physically tougher team.  Back on the hot seat for Smith.  Cleveland.

Detroit +7 at New England: The Lions pass game sucked against the Cardinals, and they dropped a 14-6 turd in the desert.  Nobody can really figure out why Matthew Stafford isn't lighting it up, and the heat is on him and offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi to get the points on the board before another promising beginning turns into another late season fade from the playoffs.  The Lions probably match-up better against the Patriots than the Cardinals, as the Patriots are slow at receiver, and the Lions have the ability to harass Tom Brady into looking like the old geezer he was earlier in the season.  But the penalties are starting to pile up again, and the weird only-against-the-Lions obscure rulings, like the one last week that negated a 50 yard punt return.  All signs indicate an imminent Lions collapse.  But even though New England is rolling over everybody, I just don't think they are that good.  I think the Lions are stronger and faster, but can they overcome their own identity as under-achievers?  They need to start fast, or Bill Belichick's defense will squeeze Stafford six ways from Sunday.  The Lions also need Donkey Kong Suh or Ziggy Ansah to rattle Brady early.  Fuck the Patriots.  Detroit.  

Tampa Bay +5 at Chicago: Josh McClown didn't cry last week, and the Bucs actually won a game.  Now McClown gets to go back to Chicago and show off in front of his old benefactor Marc Trestman, whose EZ QB system fooled the Bucs into thinking McClown was a #1 QB.   But the BIG story line is Lovie Smith getting a crack at the team that fired him after a 10 win season.  Man, you know Smith wants this game BAD, he'd love to come into Chicago and drive the last nail into the Bears coffin, and punk his replacement, the faggot Marc Trestman.  We'll see just how much of a hold Smith has over his new team.  If the Bucs don't sell out and win this game against a tattered Bears team, you can forget about Lovie ever doing anything in Tampa.  But I got a feeling Lovie will get the last laugh Sunday.  Tampa Bay.

Arizona +6.5 at Seattle: Drew Stanton put 14 quick points on the board last week, and then nothing, as the Cardinal offense came to a complete standstill.  But the Cardinal defense made the 14 stand up, never letting the Lions offense sniff the goal line. I don't see a repeat in Seattle.  Stanton ain't going to hit a bunch of early passes, and the Seahawks have a run game (even though it's dependent on headcase Marshawn Lynch), something the Lions didn't, to keep Arizona's defense honest.  I don't see any chance the Cardinals win the game outright, and I think Stanton's turnovers cost him this week, unlike last week.  Seattle.

St. Louis +4 at San Diego: The Rams have wins over Seattle, San Fran and last week they rolled Peyton Manning and the Broncos, so the Chargers aren't going to scare them.  Jeff Fisher started Shaun Hill last week, and it paid off.  The Rams are a dangerous team, they have all the ingredients for a nasty defense, and if they keep Shaun Hill on his feet, they might develop an offense in time to make a late run at a wild card.  The Chargers snapped an ugly three game losing streak with an ugly win over the Raiders.  The Chargers can't run the ball, and Phillip Rivers is wilting under the pressure of carrying the entire offense.  I see the Rams knocking Rivers onto queer street.  St. Louis.

Miami +7 at Denver: The Broncos got roughed up by the Rams, and now Peyton Manning has to face the Dolphins defense this week, and the Chiefs the week after. . .and with no running game.  I make it fifty-fifty Manning don't last these next two games.  And if he don't, the Broncos will slide right out of the playoffs.  Miami.

Washington +9 at San Francisco: You ever notice how a lot of the negro QBs tear up the League early, then they turn to shit?  The colored QB in Wasington is a perfect example.  What's up with Robert Griffin III?  He sucks.  Washington was thoroghly beaten by a lousy Tampa team last week, and Griffin pouted about his teammates after the game.  The Redskins look like a team ready to just go through the motions for the rest of the season.  The 49ers squeaked out two close road wins over lousy teams, now get an easy home game before a Thanksgiving showdown with the Seahawks.  The 49ers defense is still first class, but the offense is strictly coach. . .as bad as the Redskins are, it'll still be a struggle for the 49ers to cover the 9.  San Francisco.

Baltimore +3 at New Orleans: I don't get how the Ravens, a good team, are the underdog against the shitty Saints. Sure, the game is in New Orleans, where supposedly the Saints are unstoppable, but they're only 3-2 at home this year.  New Orleans defense is soft, and Drew Brees ain't what he used to be.  This game is EZ Money.  Baltimore.