5-3 vs the spread last week, 40-44-2 for the season. . .
Chicago +7 at Detroit: Two weeks ago the Lions were 7-2 and had us suckers on the hook, like they do so often. Then road losses to Arizona and New England, good teams, no shame in losing. . .but the offense was shameful. No TDs, and Matthew Stafford looking like a SEC QB. . .oh, uh, he is an SEC QB. But anyway, here's a home game against a chump team, a game Detroit has to win to keep in the playoff race. A pressure game against a team the Lions are supposed to beat, but a game the Same Old Lions have always found a way to lose, like last year's home games to chump Tampa and the chump Giants. The Lions will have the Turkey Day crowd behind them. . .as long as they start fast. But struggle early, fall behind, and then the boo birds will be all over Stafford's stray passes. This is the first real game of the Jim Caldwell era. . .win, and he's already ahead of Jim Schwartz. . .lose, and he falls right into line behind Schwartz, Marinelli and all the rest. And if Stafford has another shitty game, the debate over his future in Detroit will begin. Calvin Johnson hasn't done a thing for three weeks, except limp to the sidelines every other play, he looks like he's seen his best days. As for the Bears, they've won two in a row over lightweights. . .and there's no love lost between these two teams. The Bears will come to play. The way Stafford and the Lions offense has stunk up the field, there's no way any sane bettor would pick them to cover 7. Chicago.
Philadelphia +3 at Dallas: First place in the NFC East on the line. Neither team's defense has been any good in recent weeks. Expect a lot of points. Mark Sanchez will make more dumb plays than Tony Romo. Dallas.
Seattle EVEN at San Francisco: Seattle hadn't beaten a good team since September, then last week they get a win over Arizona. . .but they beat Drew Stanton, not Carson Palmer. San Francisco's limped by shitty teams the last three weeks. Neither of these teams scares anybody like they used to. They play each other twice in the next three weeks. My guess is one of them will be knocked out of the playoff chase by then. The 49ers offense is rotten, and Colin Halfernigger actually makes Russell Wilson look like a Pro Bowler. The 49ers will be out in three weeks, and the *where will Jim Harbaugh be coaching in 2015* speculation will kick into high gear. Seattle.
Cleveland +2.5 at Buffalo: The Battle for Lake Erie. Pothead Josh Gordon didn't miss a beat, picking up over 100 yards in his first game back from his weed suspension, and Isaiah Crowell did all right in his debut as the feature back, and the Browns stole one late from the Falcons. But I don't think Brian Hoyer will be able to handle the Bills defense, and the Bills sneak back into the Wild Card race with an ugly home win. Buffalo.
San Diego +5.5 at Baltimore: Two 7-4 teams hanging onto their playoff lives. The Chargers got a huge lift with the return of Ryan Matthews last week, they hadn't run the ball without him, but they still needed a last minute goal line INT to squeak past the Rams. Baltimore should be able to run on the Chargers. Hell, they should be able to run over the Chargers. Baltimore.
Arizona -2.5 at Atlanta: The Cardinals scored touchdowns on their first two drives with Drew Stanton. . .since then, one field goal. Still, I have a hard time seeing Atlanta winning this game. The Cardinals don't beat themselves, while Atlanta leaves no stone unturned in finding new ways to lose. 17 points ought to be more than enough for the Falcons to win, but the Atlanta secondary will probably lose John Brown once or twice, the Cardinals defense will force a couple turnovers, and Arizona will scrape 21 or 24 points together, and the Falcons will fall to 4-8. . .and probably still remain *in the driver's seat* in the NFC Goodwill division, as New Orleans will almost certainly lose at Pittsburgh. Arizona.
New England +3 at Green Bay: These were my preseason Super Bowl picks. . .they both started slow, but are now the hottest teams in the League. Green Bay is the team I thought they'd be. . .for one reason: Aaron Rodgers. The Packers run defense is awful, but Rodger always manages to put just enough points on the board to cover his defense's ass. The Patriots looked feeble early in the season, and despite their hot streak, I still recall the whipping the Chiefs put on them. But they handled the Lions d-line last week (although without Nick Fairley), so maybe their o-line troubles are solved. Maybe. But I got a nagging feeling if the Pats run into the Chiefs, Bills, Dolphins or Ravens in the Playoffs, Brady gets bounced on his ass. Anyway, as for this game, I go with Rodgers. The Patriot offense is strictly nickel-and-dime, while Rodgers has the weapons to bust the big plays. Green Bay.
Denver -2 at Kansas City: The Chiefs were rolling along, ready to overtake the Broncos in the AFC West, then they lost to the winless Raiders. Oh, well, on any given Sunday. . .I mean, Thursday. Anyway, I still think they are better than the Broncos. I figure the Chief defense will do to Manning what they did earlier in the year to Brady: make him look like Johnny Unitas with the 1973 Chargers. Kansas City.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
College Football Week 14 Picks
36-24-1 vs the spread for the year. . .
Wisconsin South -1.5 at Missouri: Ha. Wisconsin South (aka Arkansas) is the last place team in the SEC West, yet they are a road FAVORITE playing at the first place team in the SEC East. Yes, Missouri is the worst 9-2 team in the country. They aren't particularly good in any area, with the exception of special teams. That, and about 5 seasons worth of lucky breaks have them one win away from playing (and losing) in their second consecutive SEC Title game. Bret Bielema has finally figured out how to win in the SEC the Big 10 way, and the last two weeks the Razorbacks have run over and shut-out two SEC West heavyweights, LSU and Mississippi. So here we have a team peaking going against a team riding a season-long lucky streak. We'll be pulling for Wisconsin South, because if they win, Georgia gets the SEC title game, and they are good enough to beat Alabama or Mississippi State and throw the College Football Playoff selection process into complete chaos. They say it's better to be lucky than good, but luck only lasts so long. Wisconsin South.
Arizona State +1 at Arizona: If UCLA should somehow blow it against Stanford, the winner of this game gets Oregon in the PAC 12 title game. I think the PAC 12 is the best conference, and even if the winner of the PAC 12 is a two-loss team, I think they should get a Playoff bid. Arizona is kind of the Missouri of the Pac 12, they've had more than their fair share of lucky breaks. But now their freshman starting QB is nursing a bum ankle, and his status for this game is uncertain. Arizona's been able to get by with a shitty defense for most of the year, mainly due to its +10 turnover margin (i.e., luck). Arizona State had a nice little 3 game stretch in the middle of the year when it looked like it was developing a decent defense, but its been back to crap its last three games. This should be a wild desert shoot-out, and I'll take Arizona if QB Anu Solomon is able to play 60 minutes, otherwise, the pick is Arizona State.
Michigan +20.5 at Ohio State: The nightmare that is the Brady Hoke era of Michigan football is nearly over. All that remains is to suffer through one more humiliating defeat in a rivalry game. And with Urban Meyer desperate to get his Buckeyes into the Playoff mix, he won't think twice about running up the score on the hapless Wolverines. Even though the Buckeyes defense sucks, Michigan doesn't have the offense to take advantage of it, and keep the game reasonably close. It would be a miracle for Michigan even to cover, and if they somehow won, it would be the biggest upset in the history of the series. Ohio State.
Florida +8 at Florida State: When we consider just the little bit of dirt that has surfaced from Tallahassee this year, and not all of it related to the Hymen Trophy winner--anybody wearing an FSU jersey seems to get a free pass from law enforcement (if only that big Ferguson negro played ball for Missouri, the nation would be spared an embarrassing racial spectacle), we have to conclude there are mountains of dirt not yet discovered, and we understand FSU has sold its soul to the football devil. But dat ol debbil may be comin' fer his due, cuz the Semen*oles been barely gittin' by o' late. Florida State's hanging on by a thread, and this is the week the thread breaks. Last game for Will Muschamp, and the Gators will be doing the old *win-one-for-the-Muschamp* bit. The Gators got the defense, the running game, and the *intangibles* to send FSU to football Hell. Florida.
Georgia Tech +14 at Georgia: These two teams can run the shit out of the football. Tech is the #3 rushing offense, and the Dawgs are the #13 rushing offense. Both teams average 6 yards per carry. The Missouri game will already have been played by the time this one starts, so the Dawgs will either be playing for all the SEC marbles, or a trip to a flea bag bowl. Either way, I think Tech can cover the 14, because Georgia's Clean Shirt defense is so soft against the run. Georgia Tech.
Mississippi State -2 at Mississippi: Mississippi has fallen apart after bungling away the LSU game. Mississippi State still has a shot at the Playoffs, if Auburn can upset Alabama, and that game starts after this one, so the Bulldogs will have plenty to play for. This is a rivalry game and all, and Mississippi would love to ruin State's season, but the Rebels have looked like a done dog the last four weeks. Both QBs are turnover machines, but State's QB can make the big plays, and doesn't shit himself down the stretch. Mississippi State.
Auburn +9.5 at Alabama: Auburn hasn't been very good the last three weeks, and now is just playing to spoil Alabama's season. I don't see that happening. This one should be over by halftime. Alabama.
Wisconsin South -1.5 at Missouri: Ha. Wisconsin South (aka Arkansas) is the last place team in the SEC West, yet they are a road FAVORITE playing at the first place team in the SEC East. Yes, Missouri is the worst 9-2 team in the country. They aren't particularly good in any area, with the exception of special teams. That, and about 5 seasons worth of lucky breaks have them one win away from playing (and losing) in their second consecutive SEC Title game. Bret Bielema has finally figured out how to win in the SEC the Big 10 way, and the last two weeks the Razorbacks have run over and shut-out two SEC West heavyweights, LSU and Mississippi. So here we have a team peaking going against a team riding a season-long lucky streak. We'll be pulling for Wisconsin South, because if they win, Georgia gets the SEC title game, and they are good enough to beat Alabama or Mississippi State and throw the College Football Playoff selection process into complete chaos. They say it's better to be lucky than good, but luck only lasts so long. Wisconsin South.
Arizona State +1 at Arizona: If UCLA should somehow blow it against Stanford, the winner of this game gets Oregon in the PAC 12 title game. I think the PAC 12 is the best conference, and even if the winner of the PAC 12 is a two-loss team, I think they should get a Playoff bid. Arizona is kind of the Missouri of the Pac 12, they've had more than their fair share of lucky breaks. But now their freshman starting QB is nursing a bum ankle, and his status for this game is uncertain. Arizona's been able to get by with a shitty defense for most of the year, mainly due to its +10 turnover margin (i.e., luck). Arizona State had a nice little 3 game stretch in the middle of the year when it looked like it was developing a decent defense, but its been back to crap its last three games. This should be a wild desert shoot-out, and I'll take Arizona if QB Anu Solomon is able to play 60 minutes, otherwise, the pick is Arizona State.
Michigan +20.5 at Ohio State: The nightmare that is the Brady Hoke era of Michigan football is nearly over. All that remains is to suffer through one more humiliating defeat in a rivalry game. And with Urban Meyer desperate to get his Buckeyes into the Playoff mix, he won't think twice about running up the score on the hapless Wolverines. Even though the Buckeyes defense sucks, Michigan doesn't have the offense to take advantage of it, and keep the game reasonably close. It would be a miracle for Michigan even to cover, and if they somehow won, it would be the biggest upset in the history of the series. Ohio State.
Florida +8 at Florida State: When we consider just the little bit of dirt that has surfaced from Tallahassee this year, and not all of it related to the Hymen Trophy winner--anybody wearing an FSU jersey seems to get a free pass from law enforcement (if only that big Ferguson negro played ball for Missouri, the nation would be spared an embarrassing racial spectacle), we have to conclude there are mountains of dirt not yet discovered, and we understand FSU has sold its soul to the football devil. But dat ol debbil may be comin' fer his due, cuz the Semen*oles been barely gittin' by o' late. Florida State's hanging on by a thread, and this is the week the thread breaks. Last game for Will Muschamp, and the Gators will be doing the old *win-one-for-the-Muschamp* bit. The Gators got the defense, the running game, and the *intangibles* to send FSU to football Hell. Florida.
Georgia Tech +14 at Georgia: These two teams can run the shit out of the football. Tech is the #3 rushing offense, and the Dawgs are the #13 rushing offense. Both teams average 6 yards per carry. The Missouri game will already have been played by the time this one starts, so the Dawgs will either be playing for all the SEC marbles, or a trip to a flea bag bowl. Either way, I think Tech can cover the 14, because Georgia's Clean Shirt defense is so soft against the run. Georgia Tech.
Mississippi State -2 at Mississippi: Mississippi has fallen apart after bungling away the LSU game. Mississippi State still has a shot at the Playoffs, if Auburn can upset Alabama, and that game starts after this one, so the Bulldogs will have plenty to play for. This is a rivalry game and all, and Mississippi would love to ruin State's season, but the Rebels have looked like a done dog the last four weeks. Both QBs are turnover machines, but State's QB can make the big plays, and doesn't shit himself down the stretch. Mississippi State.
Auburn +9.5 at Alabama: Auburn hasn't been very good the last three weeks, and now is just playing to spoil Alabama's season. I don't see that happening. This one should be over by halftime. Alabama.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
NFL Week 12 Picks
5-2-1 vs the spread last week, 35-41-2 for the year.
Cleveland +3 at Atlanta: The Browns get pothead Josh Gordon back this week. They need him after the egg they laid at home against the Texans. Somehow Brian Hoyer only managed to complete twenty of the fifty passes he chucked. The Browns also cut free agent RB bust Ben Tate, rightly deciding they are better off with former Georgia freshman phenom Isaiah Crowell. . .Crowell was run out of Georgia after a gun crime, ended up at Alabama State and now has a chance to resurrect his career in Cleveland. He'll probably fuck it up. At 4-6, the Falcons are actually in first place in the NFC Goodwill division, and Mike Smith is breathing a bit easier these days. The Browns are in a real dogfight in the AFC North, they need this game. I think they are the mentally and physically tougher team. Back on the hot seat for Smith. Cleveland.
Detroit +7 at New England: The Lions pass game sucked against the Cardinals, and they dropped a 14-6 turd in the desert. Nobody can really figure out why Matthew Stafford isn't lighting it up, and the heat is on him and offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi to get the points on the board before another promising beginning turns into another late season fade from the playoffs. The Lions probably match-up better against the Patriots than the Cardinals, as the Patriots are slow at receiver, and the Lions have the ability to harass Tom Brady into looking like the old geezer he was earlier in the season. But the penalties are starting to pile up again, and the weird only-against-the-Lions obscure rulings, like the one last week that negated a 50 yard punt return. All signs indicate an imminent Lions collapse. But even though New England is rolling over everybody, I just don't think they are that good. I think the Lions are stronger and faster, but can they overcome their own identity as under-achievers? They need to start fast, or Bill Belichick's defense will squeeze Stafford six ways from Sunday. The Lions also need Donkey Kong Suh or Ziggy Ansah to rattle Brady early. Fuck the Patriots. Detroit.
Tampa Bay +5 at Chicago: Josh McClown didn't cry last week, and the Bucs actually won a game. Now McClown gets to go back to Chicago and show off in front of his old benefactor Marc Trestman, whose EZ QB system fooled the Bucs into thinking McClown was a #1 QB. But the BIG story line is Lovie Smith getting a crack at the team that fired him after a 10 win season. Man, you know Smith wants this game BAD, he'd love to come into Chicago and drive the last nail into the Bears coffin, and punk his replacement, the faggot Marc Trestman. We'll see just how much of a hold Smith has over his new team. If the Bucs don't sell out and win this game against a tattered Bears team, you can forget about Lovie ever doing anything in Tampa. But I got a feeling Lovie will get the last laugh Sunday. Tampa Bay.
Arizona +6.5 at Seattle: Drew Stanton put 14 quick points on the board last week, and then nothing, as the Cardinal offense came to a complete standstill. But the Cardinal defense made the 14 stand up, never letting the Lions offense sniff the goal line. I don't see a repeat in Seattle. Stanton ain't going to hit a bunch of early passes, and the Seahawks have a run game (even though it's dependent on headcase Marshawn Lynch), something the Lions didn't, to keep Arizona's defense honest. I don't see any chance the Cardinals win the game outright, and I think Stanton's turnovers cost him this week, unlike last week. Seattle.
St. Louis +4 at San Diego: The Rams have wins over Seattle, San Fran and last week they rolled Peyton Manning and the Broncos, so the Chargers aren't going to scare them. Jeff Fisher started Shaun Hill last week, and it paid off. The Rams are a dangerous team, they have all the ingredients for a nasty defense, and if they keep Shaun Hill on his feet, they might develop an offense in time to make a late run at a wild card. The Chargers snapped an ugly three game losing streak with an ugly win over the Raiders. The Chargers can't run the ball, and Phillip Rivers is wilting under the pressure of carrying the entire offense. I see the Rams knocking Rivers onto queer street. St. Louis.
Miami +7 at Denver: The Broncos got roughed up by the Rams, and now Peyton Manning has to face the Dolphins defense this week, and the Chiefs the week after. . .and with no running game. I make it fifty-fifty Manning don't last these next two games. And if he don't, the Broncos will slide right out of the playoffs. Miami.
Washington +9 at San Francisco: You ever notice how a lot of the negro QBs tear up the League early, then they turn to shit? The colored QB in Wasington is a perfect example. What's up with Robert Griffin III? He sucks. Washington was thoroghly beaten by a lousy Tampa team last week, and Griffin pouted about his teammates after the game. The Redskins look like a team ready to just go through the motions for the rest of the season. The 49ers squeaked out two close road wins over lousy teams, now get an easy home game before a Thanksgiving showdown with the Seahawks. The 49ers defense is still first class, but the offense is strictly coach. . .as bad as the Redskins are, it'll still be a struggle for the 49ers to cover the 9. San Francisco.
Baltimore +3 at New Orleans: I don't get how the Ravens, a good team, are the underdog against the shitty Saints. Sure, the game is in New Orleans, where supposedly the Saints are unstoppable, but they're only 3-2 at home this year. New Orleans defense is soft, and Drew Brees ain't what he used to be. This game is EZ Money. Baltimore.
Cleveland +3 at Atlanta: The Browns get pothead Josh Gordon back this week. They need him after the egg they laid at home against the Texans. Somehow Brian Hoyer only managed to complete twenty of the fifty passes he chucked. The Browns also cut free agent RB bust Ben Tate, rightly deciding they are better off with former Georgia freshman phenom Isaiah Crowell. . .Crowell was run out of Georgia after a gun crime, ended up at Alabama State and now has a chance to resurrect his career in Cleveland. He'll probably fuck it up. At 4-6, the Falcons are actually in first place in the NFC Goodwill division, and Mike Smith is breathing a bit easier these days. The Browns are in a real dogfight in the AFC North, they need this game. I think they are the mentally and physically tougher team. Back on the hot seat for Smith. Cleveland.
Detroit +7 at New England: The Lions pass game sucked against the Cardinals, and they dropped a 14-6 turd in the desert. Nobody can really figure out why Matthew Stafford isn't lighting it up, and the heat is on him and offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi to get the points on the board before another promising beginning turns into another late season fade from the playoffs. The Lions probably match-up better against the Patriots than the Cardinals, as the Patriots are slow at receiver, and the Lions have the ability to harass Tom Brady into looking like the old geezer he was earlier in the season. But the penalties are starting to pile up again, and the weird only-against-the-Lions obscure rulings, like the one last week that negated a 50 yard punt return. All signs indicate an imminent Lions collapse. But even though New England is rolling over everybody, I just don't think they are that good. I think the Lions are stronger and faster, but can they overcome their own identity as under-achievers? They need to start fast, or Bill Belichick's defense will squeeze Stafford six ways from Sunday. The Lions also need Donkey Kong Suh or Ziggy Ansah to rattle Brady early. Fuck the Patriots. Detroit.
Tampa Bay +5 at Chicago: Josh McClown didn't cry last week, and the Bucs actually won a game. Now McClown gets to go back to Chicago and show off in front of his old benefactor Marc Trestman, whose EZ QB system fooled the Bucs into thinking McClown was a #1 QB. But the BIG story line is Lovie Smith getting a crack at the team that fired him after a 10 win season. Man, you know Smith wants this game BAD, he'd love to come into Chicago and drive the last nail into the Bears coffin, and punk his replacement, the faggot Marc Trestman. We'll see just how much of a hold Smith has over his new team. If the Bucs don't sell out and win this game against a tattered Bears team, you can forget about Lovie ever doing anything in Tampa. But I got a feeling Lovie will get the last laugh Sunday. Tampa Bay.
Arizona +6.5 at Seattle: Drew Stanton put 14 quick points on the board last week, and then nothing, as the Cardinal offense came to a complete standstill. But the Cardinal defense made the 14 stand up, never letting the Lions offense sniff the goal line. I don't see a repeat in Seattle. Stanton ain't going to hit a bunch of early passes, and the Seahawks have a run game (even though it's dependent on headcase Marshawn Lynch), something the Lions didn't, to keep Arizona's defense honest. I don't see any chance the Cardinals win the game outright, and I think Stanton's turnovers cost him this week, unlike last week. Seattle.
St. Louis +4 at San Diego: The Rams have wins over Seattle, San Fran and last week they rolled Peyton Manning and the Broncos, so the Chargers aren't going to scare them. Jeff Fisher started Shaun Hill last week, and it paid off. The Rams are a dangerous team, they have all the ingredients for a nasty defense, and if they keep Shaun Hill on his feet, they might develop an offense in time to make a late run at a wild card. The Chargers snapped an ugly three game losing streak with an ugly win over the Raiders. The Chargers can't run the ball, and Phillip Rivers is wilting under the pressure of carrying the entire offense. I see the Rams knocking Rivers onto queer street. St. Louis.
Miami +7 at Denver: The Broncos got roughed up by the Rams, and now Peyton Manning has to face the Dolphins defense this week, and the Chiefs the week after. . .and with no running game. I make it fifty-fifty Manning don't last these next two games. And if he don't, the Broncos will slide right out of the playoffs. Miami.
Washington +9 at San Francisco: You ever notice how a lot of the negro QBs tear up the League early, then they turn to shit? The colored QB in Wasington is a perfect example. What's up with Robert Griffin III? He sucks. Washington was thoroghly beaten by a lousy Tampa team last week, and Griffin pouted about his teammates after the game. The Redskins look like a team ready to just go through the motions for the rest of the season. The 49ers squeaked out two close road wins over lousy teams, now get an easy home game before a Thanksgiving showdown with the Seahawks. The 49ers defense is still first class, but the offense is strictly coach. . .as bad as the Redskins are, it'll still be a struggle for the 49ers to cover the 9. San Francisco.
Baltimore +3 at New Orleans: I don't get how the Ravens, a good team, are the underdog against the shitty Saints. Sure, the game is in New Orleans, where supposedly the Saints are unstoppable, but they're only 3-2 at home this year. New Orleans defense is soft, and Drew Brees ain't what he used to be. This game is EZ Money. Baltimore.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
College Football Week 13 Picks
2-1 vs the spread last week, 36-24-1 for the year.
Oh, not a single fucking interesting game this week. . .
The only match-ups between ranked teams are Minnesota at Nebraska and Arizona at Utah. . .yawn. Nebraska somehow gave up nearly 600 rushing yards last week in their humiliating loss to Wisconsin as Bo Pelini once again lost a big game. Minnesota battled Ohio State better than Michigan State did, but never really had a chance to win. If Jerry Kill ever gets a decent QB, Minnesota will win the Big 10 West. Utah beat Stanford last week after Stanford's negro wonder coach David Shaw played ultimate pussy football (again, he pussied-out similarly in the USC game) by PUNTING on 4th-and-7 from the UTAH 34 YARD LINE with less than two minutes to go in the 4th quarter of a tie game. . .ha ha ha. . .that's the Chickenshit Coaching Decision of the Year. . .the football gods rewarded Shaw's cowardice with an overtime loss, sending the negro wonder coach to a 5-5 record. . .Stanford was #11 in the preseason poll!! Ha ha ha. . .is Shaw still a *hot commodity?* Ha ha ha. Missouri is only two wins away from winning the SEC East. . .and they got nothing on that team. Gary Pinkel may be the most under-rated coach in the country. The SEC East isn't the greatest, but on paper Missouri should have finished behind Georgia, Florida and South Carolina.
Oh, not a single fucking interesting game this week. . .
The only match-ups between ranked teams are Minnesota at Nebraska and Arizona at Utah. . .yawn. Nebraska somehow gave up nearly 600 rushing yards last week in their humiliating loss to Wisconsin as Bo Pelini once again lost a big game. Minnesota battled Ohio State better than Michigan State did, but never really had a chance to win. If Jerry Kill ever gets a decent QB, Minnesota will win the Big 10 West. Utah beat Stanford last week after Stanford's negro wonder coach David Shaw played ultimate pussy football (again, he pussied-out similarly in the USC game) by PUNTING on 4th-and-7 from the UTAH 34 YARD LINE with less than two minutes to go in the 4th quarter of a tie game. . .ha ha ha. . .that's the Chickenshit Coaching Decision of the Year. . .the football gods rewarded Shaw's cowardice with an overtime loss, sending the negro wonder coach to a 5-5 record. . .Stanford was #11 in the preseason poll!! Ha ha ha. . .is Shaw still a *hot commodity?* Ha ha ha. Missouri is only two wins away from winning the SEC East. . .and they got nothing on that team. Gary Pinkel may be the most under-rated coach in the country. The SEC East isn't the greatest, but on paper Missouri should have finished behind Georgia, Florida and South Carolina.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
NFL Week 11 Picks
2-4 vs the spread last week, 30-39-1 for the season. . .
Buffalo +5 at Miami: Both teams lost close games against playoff contenders last week, and now face-off in a Wild Card Elimination game. The Bills defense has been great, they lead the league in sacks, defensive tackle Marcell Dareus has 10 already, and the Bills are #6 in total defense. The problem for the Bills is the same old one: QB. While Kyle Orton has been an upgrade over rag-arm EJ Manuel, he's still Kyle Orton, a journeyman back-up with career-long limitations, which are particularly evident in the so-called *red zone.* Orton can't hit the tight throws to produce tds, and the Bills offense sputters and settles for field goals. The Dolphins defense has actually been a little bit better than Buffalo's. Miami was on a nice little roll until losing a last second game in Detroit. . .they get all the home field advantages of the short week, and should be able to cover the 5 in a low scoring Thursday Night snoozer. Miami.
Minnesota +3.5 at Chicago: The Vikings have slowly been getting better under new coach Mike Zimmer, particularly on defense. As for the Bears, well, they've been rapidly disintegrating, losing their last two by college football scores. For some reason, Marc Trestman got a lot of credit last year for taking a ten-win Bears team and turning it into an 8-8 squad. His offense was flashy, and thus *sportscasters* anointed him a *genius.* But I thought the guy was a faggot, and now apparently the Bears do, too. Trestman claims there are no problems in the Bears locker room, but if he'd peek his head out of the stall where he and Jane Cutler play with themselves, maybe he'd notice the rest of the Bears have left. The Bears are the favorites here, I suppose because the experts think the Viking offense under rookie QB Teddy Bridgewater is weak enough that even the Bears can handle it. I don't think so. Minnesota.
Seattle EVEN at Kansas City: Russell Wilson is having a terrible year, and yet *sportscasters* claim he's a great quarterback. Is there something in his hand-offs to Marshawn Lynch that I just don't see? Supposedly the Seahawks are back, but I'm not buying it, yet. Their three game win streak has been against the Panthers, Raiders and Giants. Hell, the Bears might have won those three games. Now the Seahawks have to play a red-hot KC team in Arrowhead. Let's see how the great Russell Wilson fares against the Chiefs maniac defense. I say the Chiefs are the better team, and will win fairly comfortably. Kansas City.
Philadelphia +5 at Green Bay: The Eagles are a tough team to get a handle on. They got a nice 7-2 record, but they've beat 6 shitty teams, the only good team they've beat is Indianapolis, and who the Hell has Indianapolis beat? What bothers me about the Eagles is they aren't running the ball like they did last year. LeSean McCoy averaged 5.1 yards per carry last year, this year only 3.7. Green Bay overwhelmed the Bears in their last game, but how much stock do you put in a beat-down of a broken team? I actually think the Eagles are better off with Mark Sanchez instead of Nick Foles, but I don't think they're better off enough to beat Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau. Green Bay.
Atlanta +2 at Carolina: The Falcons made the last quarterback they played cry. I don't think Cam Newton will cry, but I don't think he'll do much on the field, either. Carolina's on an ugly four game losing streak, and Newton has looked pretty clueless. The red-hot Falcons have ridden a one game winning streak (that's red-hot in the NFC Goodwill division) to get back into contention for the division championship. Despite getting out-gained by woeful Tampa Bay, the Falcons won by 10, and now they get to pick at the Panthers corpse. This is the easist game the Falcons play in the next month. They have to win this, or their season is over, even in the NFC Goodwill. Atlanta.
Cincinnati +7 at New Orleans: Andy Dalton had one of the all-time worst games against the Browns last week: 10 for 33, 86 yds, 3 ints. Ha ha! I don't think I've seen numbers like that since Bobby Douglass! *Sportscasters* wonder if he can recover. Ha. Look, he had a terrible game. But he didn't cry. He'll be all right. I don't know what's up with the Bengals. They are 2-3-1 in their last 6 games. Sure, they've had injury problems, but so have the Cardinals, Lions, Eagles and they still find a way to win. The Bengals were so bad against Cleveland, they are getting 7 points against a losing team. The Saints are one of those losing teams everybody thinks is actually a good team. . .but they're really not. They're just good eough to lose late in the game. No way New Orleans is 7 better than the Bengals. No way. Cincinnati.
Detroit +2 at Arizona: An unlikely battle for the top spot in the NFC. This is defense against defense, maybe the two best defensive coordinators in the League. Teryl Austin has kept the Lions defense at #1 without Nick Fairley, Stephen Tulloch and numerous dbs, while Todd Bowles' Cardinals remain elite despite losing several of last year's starters to free agency and injury. Now the Cardinals got to go without Carson Palmer, handing the ball to former Lions back-up Drew Stanton. Stanton's a tough guy, took a helluva beating in his college years at Michigan State. He's not a picture passer, but has surprising mobility and a knack for hitting the deep ball. You'd think the Lions were set-up for a win here. You can call the defenses even, but have to give the edge to the Lions on offense. But the Lions have lost the last 7 times they've played in the desert, some of them classic Same Old Lions losses, including the infamous Bobby Ross two-point conversion game, the 24 point fourth quarter meltdown game, and last year's pass interference game. I haven't picked the Lions all year. How can I pick Drew Stanton to beat the Lions defense? Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees couldn't. Oh no, I've sipped from the paper cup of Lions Kool-Aid, I actually believe the Lions defense is for real. Gulp. Detroit.
New England +2.5 at Indianapolis: I really don't believe either of these teams are as good as their record. Despite all the points and the ass-kicking of Denver, I see a New England offense with a ton of limitations. Sooner or later they are gonna run into another team like the Chiefs, a team with a defense that can take advantage of the Patriots weaknesses. But the Colts ain't that team. New England.
Buffalo +5 at Miami: Both teams lost close games against playoff contenders last week, and now face-off in a Wild Card Elimination game. The Bills defense has been great, they lead the league in sacks, defensive tackle Marcell Dareus has 10 already, and the Bills are #6 in total defense. The problem for the Bills is the same old one: QB. While Kyle Orton has been an upgrade over rag-arm EJ Manuel, he's still Kyle Orton, a journeyman back-up with career-long limitations, which are particularly evident in the so-called *red zone.* Orton can't hit the tight throws to produce tds, and the Bills offense sputters and settles for field goals. The Dolphins defense has actually been a little bit better than Buffalo's. Miami was on a nice little roll until losing a last second game in Detroit. . .they get all the home field advantages of the short week, and should be able to cover the 5 in a low scoring Thursday Night snoozer. Miami.
Minnesota +3.5 at Chicago: The Vikings have slowly been getting better under new coach Mike Zimmer, particularly on defense. As for the Bears, well, they've been rapidly disintegrating, losing their last two by college football scores. For some reason, Marc Trestman got a lot of credit last year for taking a ten-win Bears team and turning it into an 8-8 squad. His offense was flashy, and thus *sportscasters* anointed him a *genius.* But I thought the guy was a faggot, and now apparently the Bears do, too. Trestman claims there are no problems in the Bears locker room, but if he'd peek his head out of the stall where he and Jane Cutler play with themselves, maybe he'd notice the rest of the Bears have left. The Bears are the favorites here, I suppose because the experts think the Viking offense under rookie QB Teddy Bridgewater is weak enough that even the Bears can handle it. I don't think so. Minnesota.
Seattle EVEN at Kansas City: Russell Wilson is having a terrible year, and yet *sportscasters* claim he's a great quarterback. Is there something in his hand-offs to Marshawn Lynch that I just don't see? Supposedly the Seahawks are back, but I'm not buying it, yet. Their three game win streak has been against the Panthers, Raiders and Giants. Hell, the Bears might have won those three games. Now the Seahawks have to play a red-hot KC team in Arrowhead. Let's see how the great Russell Wilson fares against the Chiefs maniac defense. I say the Chiefs are the better team, and will win fairly comfortably. Kansas City.
Philadelphia +5 at Green Bay: The Eagles are a tough team to get a handle on. They got a nice 7-2 record, but they've beat 6 shitty teams, the only good team they've beat is Indianapolis, and who the Hell has Indianapolis beat? What bothers me about the Eagles is they aren't running the ball like they did last year. LeSean McCoy averaged 5.1 yards per carry last year, this year only 3.7. Green Bay overwhelmed the Bears in their last game, but how much stock do you put in a beat-down of a broken team? I actually think the Eagles are better off with Mark Sanchez instead of Nick Foles, but I don't think they're better off enough to beat Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau. Green Bay.
Atlanta +2 at Carolina: The Falcons made the last quarterback they played cry. I don't think Cam Newton will cry, but I don't think he'll do much on the field, either. Carolina's on an ugly four game losing streak, and Newton has looked pretty clueless. The red-hot Falcons have ridden a one game winning streak (that's red-hot in the NFC Goodwill division) to get back into contention for the division championship. Despite getting out-gained by woeful Tampa Bay, the Falcons won by 10, and now they get to pick at the Panthers corpse. This is the easist game the Falcons play in the next month. They have to win this, or their season is over, even in the NFC Goodwill. Atlanta.
Cincinnati +7 at New Orleans: Andy Dalton had one of the all-time worst games against the Browns last week: 10 for 33, 86 yds, 3 ints. Ha ha! I don't think I've seen numbers like that since Bobby Douglass! *Sportscasters* wonder if he can recover. Ha. Look, he had a terrible game. But he didn't cry. He'll be all right. I don't know what's up with the Bengals. They are 2-3-1 in their last 6 games. Sure, they've had injury problems, but so have the Cardinals, Lions, Eagles and they still find a way to win. The Bengals were so bad against Cleveland, they are getting 7 points against a losing team. The Saints are one of those losing teams everybody thinks is actually a good team. . .but they're really not. They're just good eough to lose late in the game. No way New Orleans is 7 better than the Bengals. No way. Cincinnati.
Detroit +2 at Arizona: An unlikely battle for the top spot in the NFC. This is defense against defense, maybe the two best defensive coordinators in the League. Teryl Austin has kept the Lions defense at #1 without Nick Fairley, Stephen Tulloch and numerous dbs, while Todd Bowles' Cardinals remain elite despite losing several of last year's starters to free agency and injury. Now the Cardinals got to go without Carson Palmer, handing the ball to former Lions back-up Drew Stanton. Stanton's a tough guy, took a helluva beating in his college years at Michigan State. He's not a picture passer, but has surprising mobility and a knack for hitting the deep ball. You'd think the Lions were set-up for a win here. You can call the defenses even, but have to give the edge to the Lions on offense. But the Lions have lost the last 7 times they've played in the desert, some of them classic Same Old Lions losses, including the infamous Bobby Ross two-point conversion game, the 24 point fourth quarter meltdown game, and last year's pass interference game. I haven't picked the Lions all year. How can I pick Drew Stanton to beat the Lions defense? Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees couldn't. Oh no, I've sipped from the paper cup of Lions Kool-Aid, I actually believe the Lions defense is for real. Gulp. Detroit.
New England +2.5 at Indianapolis: I really don't believe either of these teams are as good as their record. Despite all the points and the ass-kicking of Denver, I see a New England offense with a ton of limitations. Sooner or later they are gonna run into another team like the Chiefs, a team with a defense that can take advantage of the Patriots weaknesses. But the Colts ain't that team. New England.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
College Football Week 12 Picks
2-2 vs the spread last week, 34-23-1 for the season. . .
Ohio State -12 at Minnesota: The Buckeyes won the Big 10 Playoff Prayer Bowl last week, and now Urban Meyer is starting his shameless campaigning for a Playoff spot, claiming the 49-37 win over Michigan State was *one for the ages!* Ha. But hey, let's give the Buckeyes credit. Their offense was nearly flawless. . .BUT. . .that wasn't the 2013 Spartans defese they did it against. This year's Spartan defense is merely good, not great. AND. . .in this win *for the ages,* the Buckeyes defense was shitty. The Buckeyes outscored Michigan State, and this *win for the ages* was merely a nice victory in a game between two above-average teams that would finish fourth and fifth in the SEC West. The Buckeyes aren't a top four team, but they could nab a playoff spot based on name and Big 10 clout if all the Big 12 has to offer is TCU. Even though TCU is better than OSU, the Horned Frogs would be no match for Urban Meyer/Big 10 politicking. Oh, wait, I almost forgot, the Buckeyes have to play Minnesota this week. . .not a great team, but a team that can run the ball, and as we saw against the Spartans, the Buckeye run defense is crummy. I wouldn't be shocked if Minnesota won. They'd need a few breaks. . .maybe some bad weather and two or three Buckeye turnovers. . .but it's not impossible. Minnesota coach Jerry Kill is the anti-Urban Meyer, not a fake bone in his body. Here's a guy who's had real health problems, and didn't wimp out like hypochondriac Urban. Kill stayed the course, refusing to quit on his team. If honesty, loyalty and character always won out in this world, the Golden Gophers would win this game. But it don't. But I'll take my chances with a Buckeye letdown and 12 points. Minnesota.
Mississippi State +7 at Alabama: The regular season Game of the Year. The winner has the inside track to the SEC title game and an EZ win over the SEC East for a ticket to the Playoffs. I don't see anybody picking Mississippi State, even though they haven't really been in danger of losing all year. Sure, they're a Johnny Come Lately, and Alabama has been the dominant team in college football since Pete Carroll snuck off to the NFL, but this isn't a dominant Alabama team, except for one angry performance against Texas A&M. Alabama's QB, a ham-and-egger named Blake Sims, ain't no Joe Namath or Kenny Stabler. Hell, he ain't even a A.J. McCarron. And that's the difference in this game. Bama needs a decent QB to take advantage of the Bulldogs spotty defense. But Sims ain't gonna be up to the task. Mississippi State has a play-making QB, and will score enough to win this outright. The Bulldog bandwagon will finally be full after this one. Mississippi State.
Auburn +2.5 at Georgia: The Coulda Woulda Shoulda Bowl. Both these teams had shots to win it all, but for various reasons broke down and now play for Bowl scraps. Todd Gurley is back, but the season is over. The greatest runner since Adrian Peterson, maybe since Barry Sanders, but what's the point? He risks ending up like Marcus Lattimore, and for what? To get to the Capital One Bowl? Georgia's defense played a great game against Missouri, and a great half against Arkansas, then went back to being Clean Shirt. . .they don't have the toughness or the heart to stop the run, and unless Auburn has a few more fumbles stored up, the Dawgs are gonna get run over. Auburn.
Ohio State -12 at Minnesota: The Buckeyes won the Big 10 Playoff Prayer Bowl last week, and now Urban Meyer is starting his shameless campaigning for a Playoff spot, claiming the 49-37 win over Michigan State was *one for the ages!* Ha. But hey, let's give the Buckeyes credit. Their offense was nearly flawless. . .BUT. . .that wasn't the 2013 Spartans defese they did it against. This year's Spartan defense is merely good, not great. AND. . .in this win *for the ages,* the Buckeyes defense was shitty. The Buckeyes outscored Michigan State, and this *win for the ages* was merely a nice victory in a game between two above-average teams that would finish fourth and fifth in the SEC West. The Buckeyes aren't a top four team, but they could nab a playoff spot based on name and Big 10 clout if all the Big 12 has to offer is TCU. Even though TCU is better than OSU, the Horned Frogs would be no match for Urban Meyer/Big 10 politicking. Oh, wait, I almost forgot, the Buckeyes have to play Minnesota this week. . .not a great team, but a team that can run the ball, and as we saw against the Spartans, the Buckeye run defense is crummy. I wouldn't be shocked if Minnesota won. They'd need a few breaks. . .maybe some bad weather and two or three Buckeye turnovers. . .but it's not impossible. Minnesota coach Jerry Kill is the anti-Urban Meyer, not a fake bone in his body. Here's a guy who's had real health problems, and didn't wimp out like hypochondriac Urban. Kill stayed the course, refusing to quit on his team. If honesty, loyalty and character always won out in this world, the Golden Gophers would win this game. But it don't. But I'll take my chances with a Buckeye letdown and 12 points. Minnesota.
Mississippi State +7 at Alabama: The regular season Game of the Year. The winner has the inside track to the SEC title game and an EZ win over the SEC East for a ticket to the Playoffs. I don't see anybody picking Mississippi State, even though they haven't really been in danger of losing all year. Sure, they're a Johnny Come Lately, and Alabama has been the dominant team in college football since Pete Carroll snuck off to the NFL, but this isn't a dominant Alabama team, except for one angry performance against Texas A&M. Alabama's QB, a ham-and-egger named Blake Sims, ain't no Joe Namath or Kenny Stabler. Hell, he ain't even a A.J. McCarron. And that's the difference in this game. Bama needs a decent QB to take advantage of the Bulldogs spotty defense. But Sims ain't gonna be up to the task. Mississippi State has a play-making QB, and will score enough to win this outright. The Bulldog bandwagon will finally be full after this one. Mississippi State.
Auburn +2.5 at Georgia: The Coulda Woulda Shoulda Bowl. Both these teams had shots to win it all, but for various reasons broke down and now play for Bowl scraps. Todd Gurley is back, but the season is over. The greatest runner since Adrian Peterson, maybe since Barry Sanders, but what's the point? He risks ending up like Marcus Lattimore, and for what? To get to the Capital One Bowl? Georgia's defense played a great game against Missouri, and a great half against Arkansas, then went back to being Clean Shirt. . .they don't have the toughness or the heart to stop the run, and unless Auburn has a few more fumbles stored up, the Dawgs are gonna get run over. Auburn.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
NFL Week 10 Picks
3-3 vs the spread last week, 28-35-1 for the season.
Kansas City -1.5 at Buffalo: Two sack-happy teams in the running for the playoffs. The difference here is the Chiefs have a healthy Jamaal Charles, while the Bills are without C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson. The coaching move of the season was Buffalo's Doug Marrone shit-canning rag-arm QB EJ Manuel and replacing him with the journeyman Kyle Orton. Orton has the arm strengh to get the ball downfied, and since he's been under center, Bills first round draft pick Sammy Watkins has been a threat to score from anywhere on the field. . .as long as he remembers not to showboat. Kansas City.
Miami +5 at Detroit: Two sack-happy teams in the running for the playoffs. The Dolphins destroyed Phillip Rivers and the Chargers last week, while the Lions last two games were miracle one point come-back wins over NFC Goodwill division teams, so I'm a little surprised the Dophins are getting so many points. With road games against Arizona and New England in the next two weeks, the Lions have to win this one, or their current 6-2 record will turn into 6-5, accompanied by a chorus of Same Old Lions from all over the state of Michigan. The good news for the Lions is they get Calvin Johnson and Reggie Bush back. The bad news, and the difference here, is the Lions are without Nick Fairley, which will make it more difficult for Donkey Kong Suh and Ziggy Ansah to contain a suddenly red-hot Ryan Tannehill. Miami.
Dallas -7 vs Jacksonville in London: DeMarco Murray was held under a 100 yards by Arizona last week, no shame in that. Against a soft Jax run defense, Murray should start piling up the yards, again. It's not known at this point if the Cowboys are going to start creaky-backed Tony Romo. They'd be better off going with Brandon Weeden and a conservative, run-the-shit-out-of-the-ball game plan. The only thing the Jags defense is half-way decent at is pressuring the QB. . .a stiff Tony Romo runs the risk of being pressured into dumb Tony Romo turnovers because he's trying to protect his dinged-up back. Denard Robinson has turned into a productive running back for Jacksonville, but rookie QB Blake Bartles has been a pick-six machine. On paper, the Cowboys should win this game EZ, with or without Romo. . .but the game is being played in London, not on paper, and the Cowboys, who were once 6-1 and had butthead Jerry Jones preening like a horny peacock, are now 6-3 and starting to get nervous as a cat over Romo's bum back. . .anxiety is something Jason *8-8* Garrett and the Cowboys have never handled well. . Jacksonville.
San Francisco +4.5 at New Orleans: At 4-4, the Saints, the pride of the NFC Goodwill division, are probably the safest bet of any team to make the playoffs, as 7-9 ought to be good enough to be crowned *champion.* And what's gotten into Mark Ingram, lately? He actually looks like a running back. But I think we'll see the old three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-bust Ingram against the 49ers, as stopping the run is something San Fran actually still does well. With each Niners dud of a game, we hear more and more how Jim Harbaugh isn't cut out for the National Football League, he's too tough, too intense, too demanding for professional ball, where players get comfortable at a certain level, and become resistant to Harbaugh's never-ending *tweaks.* Colin Halfernigger looks like one 49er who just can't keep up with Coach Harbaugh. . .he looks like a guy who actually believes he is a *star QB,* and not what he's supposed to be, an extension of his coach on the field. Halfernigger thinks he's his own QB, he's playing his own game, and the results are terrible. Halfernigger sucks. The Halfernigger/Alex Smith gamble nows looks like just a short money payout for Harbaugh. . .and suddenly the Harbaugh-to-Michigan scenario don't seem quite the longshot it once was. New Orleans.
Atlanta -1 at Tampa Bay: Both of these shitty teams are coached by a guy named Smith, so I guess this is The Smiths Toilet Bowl. On September 18, the Falcons beat the Bucs 56-14, were 2-1, with no indication the season was about to turn into a nightmare. Five losses later head coach Mike Smith is on the hot seat, with the owner labeling their last loss, in which they blew a 21-0 halftime lead against Detroit, 'unacceptable.' What would really be unacceptable is a loss to Tampa Bay, as they might actually be worse than the winless Raiders. If Smith loses this game (and look at that line, only a one point favorite over a one-win team they beat by 42 a few weeks ago!), you can cue the sad walking away music. As for the Bucs, their new head coach Lovie Smith hasn't been able to do anything right, and now he's down to that last shopworn gimmick all loser football coaches turn to: the quarterback shuffle. Now it's back to Josh McCown, as if Tampa's miserable season were poor Mike Glennon's fault. Hell, Glennon's the only reason Tampa's even won one game, he was great in their win at Pittsburgh, which now, given the way the Steelers are playing, must be viewed as the biggest upset of the season. But who do you pick in a match-up of the stoppable force vs the movable object? Heads: Falcons. Tails: Buccaneers. It's tails. Tampa Bay.
Denver -11.5 at Oakland: Using the proven formula of whatever team which was supposed to be the League's best, and is coming off a loss, will now lose at least one more game (see Cincy and San Diego), then we can determine with almost absolute certainity the Raiders will win (probably not, but I'll take the 11.5). Oakland.
Kansas City -1.5 at Buffalo: Two sack-happy teams in the running for the playoffs. The difference here is the Chiefs have a healthy Jamaal Charles, while the Bills are without C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson. The coaching move of the season was Buffalo's Doug Marrone shit-canning rag-arm QB EJ Manuel and replacing him with the journeyman Kyle Orton. Orton has the arm strengh to get the ball downfied, and since he's been under center, Bills first round draft pick Sammy Watkins has been a threat to score from anywhere on the field. . .as long as he remembers not to showboat. Kansas City.
Miami +5 at Detroit: Two sack-happy teams in the running for the playoffs. The Dolphins destroyed Phillip Rivers and the Chargers last week, while the Lions last two games were miracle one point come-back wins over NFC Goodwill division teams, so I'm a little surprised the Dophins are getting so many points. With road games against Arizona and New England in the next two weeks, the Lions have to win this one, or their current 6-2 record will turn into 6-5, accompanied by a chorus of Same Old Lions from all over the state of Michigan. The good news for the Lions is they get Calvin Johnson and Reggie Bush back. The bad news, and the difference here, is the Lions are without Nick Fairley, which will make it more difficult for Donkey Kong Suh and Ziggy Ansah to contain a suddenly red-hot Ryan Tannehill. Miami.
Dallas -7 vs Jacksonville in London: DeMarco Murray was held under a 100 yards by Arizona last week, no shame in that. Against a soft Jax run defense, Murray should start piling up the yards, again. It's not known at this point if the Cowboys are going to start creaky-backed Tony Romo. They'd be better off going with Brandon Weeden and a conservative, run-the-shit-out-of-the-ball game plan. The only thing the Jags defense is half-way decent at is pressuring the QB. . .a stiff Tony Romo runs the risk of being pressured into dumb Tony Romo turnovers because he's trying to protect his dinged-up back. Denard Robinson has turned into a productive running back for Jacksonville, but rookie QB Blake Bartles has been a pick-six machine. On paper, the Cowboys should win this game EZ, with or without Romo. . .but the game is being played in London, not on paper, and the Cowboys, who were once 6-1 and had butthead Jerry Jones preening like a horny peacock, are now 6-3 and starting to get nervous as a cat over Romo's bum back. . .anxiety is something Jason *8-8* Garrett and the Cowboys have never handled well. . Jacksonville.
San Francisco +4.5 at New Orleans: At 4-4, the Saints, the pride of the NFC Goodwill division, are probably the safest bet of any team to make the playoffs, as 7-9 ought to be good enough to be crowned *champion.* And what's gotten into Mark Ingram, lately? He actually looks like a running back. But I think we'll see the old three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-bust Ingram against the 49ers, as stopping the run is something San Fran actually still does well. With each Niners dud of a game, we hear more and more how Jim Harbaugh isn't cut out for the National Football League, he's too tough, too intense, too demanding for professional ball, where players get comfortable at a certain level, and become resistant to Harbaugh's never-ending *tweaks.* Colin Halfernigger looks like one 49er who just can't keep up with Coach Harbaugh. . .he looks like a guy who actually believes he is a *star QB,* and not what he's supposed to be, an extension of his coach on the field. Halfernigger thinks he's his own QB, he's playing his own game, and the results are terrible. Halfernigger sucks. The Halfernigger/Alex Smith gamble nows looks like just a short money payout for Harbaugh. . .and suddenly the Harbaugh-to-Michigan scenario don't seem quite the longshot it once was. New Orleans.
Atlanta -1 at Tampa Bay: Both of these shitty teams are coached by a guy named Smith, so I guess this is The Smiths Toilet Bowl. On September 18, the Falcons beat the Bucs 56-14, were 2-1, with no indication the season was about to turn into a nightmare. Five losses later head coach Mike Smith is on the hot seat, with the owner labeling their last loss, in which they blew a 21-0 halftime lead against Detroit, 'unacceptable.' What would really be unacceptable is a loss to Tampa Bay, as they might actually be worse than the winless Raiders. If Smith loses this game (and look at that line, only a one point favorite over a one-win team they beat by 42 a few weeks ago!), you can cue the sad walking away music. As for the Bucs, their new head coach Lovie Smith hasn't been able to do anything right, and now he's down to that last shopworn gimmick all loser football coaches turn to: the quarterback shuffle. Now it's back to Josh McCown, as if Tampa's miserable season were poor Mike Glennon's fault. Hell, Glennon's the only reason Tampa's even won one game, he was great in their win at Pittsburgh, which now, given the way the Steelers are playing, must be viewed as the biggest upset of the season. But who do you pick in a match-up of the stoppable force vs the movable object? Heads: Falcons. Tails: Buccaneers. It's tails. Tampa Bay.
Denver -11.5 at Oakland: Using the proven formula of whatever team which was supposed to be the League's best, and is coming off a loss, will now lose at least one more game (see Cincy and San Diego), then we can determine with almost absolute certainity the Raiders will win (probably not, but I'll take the 11.5). Oakland.
Monday, November 3, 2014
College Football Week 11 Picks
1-3 vs the spread last week, 32-21-1 for the season. The shocker of the week was Florida's neanderthal clubbing of Georgia, 38-20. It was caveman football at its most brutal. Florida only threw six passes all game, and probably could have won without a single pass attempt. Sixty Original Football Playbook rushes tore through the Clean Shirt defense for 418 yards. The Clean Shirt defense was defenseless against the ground assault. A run at the Playoffs was all there for Georgia, and they got run over instead, and now are left as roadkill. It's possible the Dawgs could still win the SEC East, after all, current front runner Missouri is 7-2 based solely on their EZ schedule and fluke win over Florida. But even if Georgia should somehow stumble into the SEC title game, their defense has been exposed once and for all, and you know they would shrink from whatever SEC West monster that would await them. Better for them if they sat that one out.
About the only preseason pick I got right was that Stanford would decline, and David Shaw would be exposed as a just a Jim Harbaugh byproduct. Having to rely on his own labor, Shaw and Stanford were beaten 45-16 by Oregon Saturday, and left them at a perfectly mediocre 5-4. . .and the predictions that this negro wonder coach would continue to keep Stanford the National Power Harbaugh built them into are now just laughable remnants of affirmative action *sports casting.*
Notre Dame +1.5 at Arizona State: The Irish are hanging aroud the edges of the Playoffs, the problem for them is their best win is a close loss at Florida State, and Arizona State is the only ranked team left on their schedule. . .and even if Notre Dame wins out, a second SEC team would be more deserving. . .BUT, television might want that huge Notre Dame audience, instead of the tiny one from Starkville or Tuscaloosa. Notre Dame's defense has been bad their last 3 games, while's Arizona State's offense has cooled off in their last three. . .the difference here is the Sun Devil's shitty defense has been improving all year, and now looks like a half-way decent unit. That and the desert heat should be enough to knock ND out of the Playoff race. Arizona State.
Kansas State +4.5 at Texas Christian: Hard to believe, but the winner of this game has a shot at the Playoffs. TCU has the easiest remaining schedule. . .would an 11-1 TCU really get picked? Or would they get fucked over, just like they used to when they weren't in a *Power* conference. Michigan State fans look down their noses at TCU, even though the Spartans haven't beaten any team near as good as Oklahoma, as the Horned Frogs have done. You know the Big 12 commissioner never wanted to see TCU and KSU at the top of the conference. . .it's supposed to be Texas or Oklahoma, and maybe Okie State or Baylor would do in a pinch, but now the Big 12 may have to go hat-in-hand to the Playoff committee with the winner of this Hand-Me-Downs Bowl. As for the game itself, I stick to my usual KSU formula, they are tougher and better coached. I'd love to see 100 year old Bill Snyder sneak into the First-Ever College Playoffs. Kansas State.
Alabama -6 at LSU: Could this be the last-ever relevant Saban Bowl? LSU could throw a huge monkey wrench into the Playoff picture with an upset win. Say LSU wins this game, Alabama then wns out and Ole Miss beats Mississippi State. . .ha, the SEC has to offer a two-loss team to the Playoffs!! And maybe a three-loss team if whatever shitty SEC East team gets a miracle win in the SEC title game. What if you got an undefeated Florida State, and one-loss teams like Michigan State, Oregon and Kansas State or TCU. . .does a two-loss SEC team get a pass into the playoffs, because supposedly the SEC is such a great conference? And watching the SEC this year, I'm not so sure it is a great conference. . .the quarterbacks are terrible, and they play such bizarre EZ schedules. . .ha, I hope LSU wins this one, and the SEC has to try and pawn off a two-loss team to the Playoff Committee. Anways, both teams have had two weeks to get ready for this game. . .Alabama's better across the board, LSU's big win over Ole Miss was chiefly due to Rebel end game bungling. . .I'll be pulling for the Mad Hatter, but I just don't see how Les Miles can trick out a win in this one. Alabama.
Ohio State +3.5 at Michigan State: The Hey Don't Forget About The Poor Little Big 10 Playoff Bowl! As shitty as the Big 10 is, I think they got enough clout to get the winner of this game into the Playoffs, as long as they don't choke against whatever clodhopper team they have to play in the Big 10 title game. Michigan State beat the Buckeyes last year in Columbus, and OSU had Braxton Miller in that one. It's true MSU's defense is not the same beast as last year's, but they still got enough armor to hold off Urban Meyer's crew. Amazingly, Ohio State has not played a good team all year, and I just don't see them all-of-a-sudden showing up in East Lansing ready to take on Spartan Nasty Ball. . .Ohio State could get shell-shocked early. Michigan State.
About the only preseason pick I got right was that Stanford would decline, and David Shaw would be exposed as a just a Jim Harbaugh byproduct. Having to rely on his own labor, Shaw and Stanford were beaten 45-16 by Oregon Saturday, and left them at a perfectly mediocre 5-4. . .and the predictions that this negro wonder coach would continue to keep Stanford the National Power Harbaugh built them into are now just laughable remnants of affirmative action *sports casting.*
Notre Dame +1.5 at Arizona State: The Irish are hanging aroud the edges of the Playoffs, the problem for them is their best win is a close loss at Florida State, and Arizona State is the only ranked team left on their schedule. . .and even if Notre Dame wins out, a second SEC team would be more deserving. . .BUT, television might want that huge Notre Dame audience, instead of the tiny one from Starkville or Tuscaloosa. Notre Dame's defense has been bad their last 3 games, while's Arizona State's offense has cooled off in their last three. . .the difference here is the Sun Devil's shitty defense has been improving all year, and now looks like a half-way decent unit. That and the desert heat should be enough to knock ND out of the Playoff race. Arizona State.
Kansas State +4.5 at Texas Christian: Hard to believe, but the winner of this game has a shot at the Playoffs. TCU has the easiest remaining schedule. . .would an 11-1 TCU really get picked? Or would they get fucked over, just like they used to when they weren't in a *Power* conference. Michigan State fans look down their noses at TCU, even though the Spartans haven't beaten any team near as good as Oklahoma, as the Horned Frogs have done. You know the Big 12 commissioner never wanted to see TCU and KSU at the top of the conference. . .it's supposed to be Texas or Oklahoma, and maybe Okie State or Baylor would do in a pinch, but now the Big 12 may have to go hat-in-hand to the Playoff committee with the winner of this Hand-Me-Downs Bowl. As for the game itself, I stick to my usual KSU formula, they are tougher and better coached. I'd love to see 100 year old Bill Snyder sneak into the First-Ever College Playoffs. Kansas State.
Alabama -6 at LSU: Could this be the last-ever relevant Saban Bowl? LSU could throw a huge monkey wrench into the Playoff picture with an upset win. Say LSU wins this game, Alabama then wns out and Ole Miss beats Mississippi State. . .ha, the SEC has to offer a two-loss team to the Playoffs!! And maybe a three-loss team if whatever shitty SEC East team gets a miracle win in the SEC title game. What if you got an undefeated Florida State, and one-loss teams like Michigan State, Oregon and Kansas State or TCU. . .does a two-loss SEC team get a pass into the playoffs, because supposedly the SEC is such a great conference? And watching the SEC this year, I'm not so sure it is a great conference. . .the quarterbacks are terrible, and they play such bizarre EZ schedules. . .ha, I hope LSU wins this one, and the SEC has to try and pawn off a two-loss team to the Playoff Committee. Anways, both teams have had two weeks to get ready for this game. . .Alabama's better across the board, LSU's big win over Ole Miss was chiefly due to Rebel end game bungling. . .I'll be pulling for the Mad Hatter, but I just don't see how Les Miles can trick out a win in this one. Alabama.
Ohio State +3.5 at Michigan State: The Hey Don't Forget About The Poor Little Big 10 Playoff Bowl! As shitty as the Big 10 is, I think they got enough clout to get the winner of this game into the Playoffs, as long as they don't choke against whatever clodhopper team they have to play in the Big 10 title game. Michigan State beat the Buckeyes last year in Columbus, and OSU had Braxton Miller in that one. It's true MSU's defense is not the same beast as last year's, but they still got enough armor to hold off Urban Meyer's crew. Amazingly, Ohio State has not played a good team all year, and I just don't see them all-of-a-sudden showing up in East Lansing ready to take on Spartan Nasty Ball. . .Ohio State could get shell-shocked early. Michigan State.
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