College Football Week 1 Picks

Michigan +5.5 at Utah: After months and months of off-the-field Harbaugh Mania, (American Sniper, satellite camps, roadside rescues, etc., etc.), Jim Harbaugh actually has to coach a game. . .and against a pretty solid Utah team featuring one of the nation's best running backs, Devontae Booker, and a tough defense loaded with strong pass rushers.  Harbaugh's biggest problem is he doesn't have a QB.  All hope lies with Harbaugh working the same kind of transformation he did with Alex Smith to Iowa transfer/5th year senior Jake Rudock.  If Rudock isn't the starter, and the Wolverines have to go with Shane Morris (who has more concussions than TD passes), then forget it, Utah covers EZ.  But you gotta drink the Harbaugh koolaid for the first game, at least.  Harbaugh squeezes just enough out of Rudock to spring an upset.  Michigan.

TCU -14 at Minnesota: Minnesota is good enough to win the crappy Big 10 West, but they don't have nearly the firepower to hang with Trevone Boykin and the Horned Frogs.  The Gophers time-chewing ground game ought to keep them close for a half, but Texas Christian blows past them late.  TCU. 

Stanford -12 at Northwestern: I predicted in last year's season preview Stanford would fall off, and they did, losing 5 games.  Negro wonder boy head coach David Shaw no longer had Jim Harbaugh's players to auto-pilot through games, and the results spoke for themselves. Now he loses most of last year's elite defense, but has the EZist schedule in the Pac-12 (only one tough road game, at USC, and their coach is a drunken buffoon, so. . .), so the Cardinal might only lose 3 or 4 this year.  Pat Fitzgerald won 10 games three years ago, and nobody expects the Wildcats to win 10 year in and year out, but two straight losing seasons in the soft Big 10 West is hard to figure out for a guy who once seemed like America's #1 Whiz Kid coach.  I see a bounce-back year for Fitzgerald, who returns most of a decent defense, and I see it beginning with an UPSET SPECIAL.  No way a good white coach like Patty F. can't win at home against a bum negro coach.  Northwestern. 

Louisville +11 vs Auburn (at Atlanta, GA): Auburn still had a National Championship caliber offense last year, but their defense fell apart badly as the year wore on.  Gus Malzahn hired Florida flop head coach Will Muskrat or whatever to fix the mess.  Muskrat or whatever had a great defense at Florida, but his offense couldn't get out of its own way. If he can bring the same defense to Auburn, they're in the Playoffs, as their offense should rack up the points and yards once again.   Bizarro head coach Bobby Petrino had a decent season in his return to Louisville, but when he faced a real team, Georgia, in a bowl game, he got his ass handed to him. Expect the same here.  Auburn.  

Virginia +17.5 at UCLA: Virginia stinks, and UCLA is loaded.  UCLA should cover EZ, except. . .this is the first game for their much-hyped Jew Freshman starting QB, Josh Rosen.  And, oddly, it seems Bruins head coach Jim Mora is jealous of all the attention Rosen gets.  Anyway, for some reason, Mora dragged out naming Rosen the starter, even though his main competition was Rick Neuheisel's kid, Jerry, who is a worse QB than his faggy dad.  Maybe Rosen looked like Ron Paulus in practice?  Who knows?  It shouldn't matter.  Even Paulus could beat Virginia by 20.  UCLA.     

Texas +9.5 at Notre Dame: Year II for Charlie Strong, who last year had more *moral* victories than real victories.  He blamed everybody but himself while congratulating himself for the *foundation* he was laying.  OK.  Win some fucking games this year, then.  He won't win this one.  Brian Kelly is a tough white coach coming off a terrible year.  The Irish's problem last year was defense, they didn't have one, even Northwestern put up 43 on them.  But Texas don't have much of an offense, so even if ND's defense is still a little leaky, given the head coaching match-up, Notre Dame should still cover (Kelly beat David Shaw last year, for example).  Notre Dame.

Wisconsin +10.5 vs Alabama (at Arlington, TX): Buttinsky Wisconsin AD Barry Alvarez forced another head coach to seek greener pastures. . er, uh, in the case of Gary Andersen, the browner pastures of Corvallis, Oregon, so. . .Wisconsin had to bring back their old offensive coordinator, Paul Chryst, who had a losing record in three years at Pittsburgh.  Neither team has a QB, but Alabama has everything else, and ought to run all over the Badgers.  Wisconsin only getting 10.5?  You kidding?!?!  Remember how AWFUL they looked against OSU?  You can bet your life on the Tide.  NO WAY this game is close. Alabama.        

Ohio State -14.5 at Virginia Tech: The last team to beat the Bucks and to hold them under 30 points was Va Tech. . .and both teams return almost all their starters, and OSU has to play without college football's Great White Hype, Joey Bosa, so the Hokies can win again this year, right?  Right?  Uh. . .gee, why don't anybody think Va Tech can win?  Because Ohio State just crushed everybody else after that game, and Va Tech lost to a bunch of stumblebum teams?  I guess.  And because this time the Beast, Cardale Jones, will start at QB, instead of J.T. Barrett, who was overwhelmed by the Hokie pass rush?  I guess.  I don't know.  I actually think Va Tech has a chance, and an even better chance to at least beat the 14.5 point spread.  Frank Beamer clearly knows how to attack the OSU offense, the question is whether they can rattle Jones, who is a QB tank, compared to the VW Beetle Barrett.  Home underdog getting 14.5 points in a Monday night game?  I'll take that.  Virginia Tech. 

Henry L. Racicot's 33rd Annual NFL Season Preview

Please tell me deflategate is over, and we can actually talk about football, instead of some bizarre Roger Goodell witch hunt.  I have zero patience for what I consider to be a complete NON-ISSUE (a couple psi's and the Colts would have kicked New England's ass, instead of the other way around?  Sorry.  NO WAY).  What I don't get, and I haven't read any of the stories, so maybe the answer is already out there, is why Goodell wanted to keep this pseudo-scandal going, when the League already has sackfuls of genuine dirty laundry to deal with?  Is he just over-compensating for his complete mishandling (and resultant shredding of his image) of the Ray Rice/domestic violence stuff?  Or he is just a moron?  Anway, let's talk some real football, and we might as well start with:

The New England Patriots and the AFC East.  If any of the AFC East teams had an above average QB, I'd pick them to dethrone the Pats.  The Pats lost Revis and Wilfork, and their already under-whelming nickel-and-dime offense loses Brady for 4 games.  They're going to struggle to go 9-7.  But can any of their division rivals hit 9-7 either?  All three should have MONSTER defenses, but those QBs!  Miami's Ryan Tannehill is the best of the bunch, but he's more an Alex Smith than an Aaron Rodgers. Still, I'll pick the Dolphins to win the East. They have far fewer questions than the other teams, and added the best tackle in the game, Donkeykong Suh, to an already pretty good defense.  On paper, the Jets have the best defensive talent in the entire NFL, and a pretty good power running game, but they got some locker-room troubles that even Rex Ryan couldn't handle, and now they got a rookie negro coach, Todd Bowles.  The Jets could be anywhere from a 5-11 to an 11-5 team, and my guess is they win closer to 5 than 11.  Rex Ryan takes over in Buffalo, and I'd pick them, but, c'mon, Matt Cassel?  They still got nobody to get the ball downfield to Sammy Watkins.  

1. Miami  2. New England  3. Buffalo  4. NY Jets 

AFC North:  The Pittsburgh Steelers have the best offensive talent in the League.  They have it all: elite QB in Big Ben, dominant running back in Le'Veon Bell, a triple threat of dangerous receivers led by Antonio Brown. . .even with a mediocre defense, they should be a Super Bowl threat.  BUT, they got negro wonder boy coach Mike Tomlin who don't always have the Steelers ready to play (they lost at home to Tampa last year, remember?) and who sacked long-time genius defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau in favor of the younger linebacker coach Keith Butler.  The defense was middle-of-the-pack last year with LeBeau, maybe Tomlin thought the old man was past his prime.  We'll see if the gamble pays off.  In any event, the Steelers got too much firepower on offense to not at least snag a wild card spot.  Baltimore and Cincinnati have superior defenses to Pittsburgh, and decent-enough offenses to challenge the Steelers for the Division title.  I give an edge to the Ravens over the Bengals because of QB Joe Flacco.  Andy Dalton had another playoff flop last year, and his play was already declining in the regular season, so he could have a total meltdown this year.  The Bengals got a terrific run game with Jeremy Hill, and receivers almost as good as the Steelers.  But poor Marvin Lewis (the Greatest Negro Football Coach of All-Time), he's stuck with Andy Dalton. . .no chance to win the Big One.  The Ravens look pretty solid, but Steve Smith might have had his last hurrah last season, and is Justin Forsett, a former scrap-heap running back, really as good as he seemed last year?  But they still got Suggs and Dumervil on that defense, and with Joe *Big Game* Flacco under center, they should be better than the Bengals.  As for the Cleveland Browns. . .ha ha ha!  They got the midget at QB, and he might be better than their alternative, Josh *Crybaby* McClown!  No team in the NFL has two worse QBs.  And they signed Dwayne *The Snail* Bowe to fill in for the (once again) suspended Josh Gordon??  Despite what should be a pretty good defense, the Browns have no chance of escaping the North cellar.
1. Pittsburgh  2. Baltimore (Wild Card)  3. Cincinnati  100. Cleveland   

AFC South: Will reclaim from the NFC South the dishonor of being the NFL's worst division.  Indianapolis wins again.  Houston should have the AFC's best defense this side of the AFC East. . .BUT they got two QBs who are only marginally better than the Browns' QBs. . .they got Browns cast-off Brian Hoyer and Ryan *Million Dollar Arm/Ten Cent Brain* Mallet.  And, what a surprise, Arian Foster is hurt again.  Will still be in the wild card hunt for most of the year because of their defense and 4 guaranteed wins against Jacksonville and Tennessee.  The Jaguars got no luck, as #1 pick Dante Fowler is already out for year.  Might be the worst defense in the NFL.  And their offense, with turnover machine Blake Bortles at QB, stinks, too, though they do have a decent collection of receivers.  Tennessee is even worse, because their coach, Ken Whisencunt, sucks.  The players quit on him at the end of last season, dropping their final ten games. Marcus Mariota is supposed to make it all better?  Sorry.  Whisencunt's only ever done well when he had an ALREADY good veteran QB to work with (Kurt Warner, Phillip Rivers), otherwise, he's a QB's worst nightmare.  Mariota will be either injured or benched by Week 8. 
1. Indianapolis  2. Houston  101. Jacksonville  102. Tennessee   

AFC West:  John Elway made a huge mistake firing John Fox and replacing him with his buddy Gary Kubiak.  Kubiak is a nervous wreck of a coach, and his teams play that way.  And with Peyton Manning looking like he's on a physical decline, the Denver Broncos could take a fall.  Fox' departure will probably be most evident on defense.  The Broncos finished #3 in Total Defense last year, and even though new coordinator Wade Phillips has had a lot of success, his efforts will be undermined by the *Kubiak effect.*  At best, the Broncos total fall is delayed one more year, and they snag a Wild Card this year.  Kansas City should win the division, assuming Alex Smith and Jamal Charles remain upright for most of the year.  The Chiefs added Jeremy Maclin to give their pass offense a boost, and have their sack-happy defense back intact.  The Oakland Raiders will be the AFC's most improved team.  They finally got a real head coach with Jack Del Rio, and he's got an up-and-coming QB, Derek Carr, to work with.  The Raiders need rookie WR Amari Cooper to be their Odell Beckham, as their other receivers are mediocre. The Raiders added Cardinals DT Dan Williams to shore up their run defense.  This ain't the toughest division in football, and with a little luck, Del Rio could have the Raiders in the Wild Card chase.  San Diego ran out of gas at the end of last season, losing 3 of their final 4, and blowing a playoff spot.  They drafted Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon to juice their ground attack, but Wisconsin running backs are NFL flops.  The Chargers run defense was horrible last year, and they did nothing to improve it.  This has the look of a team that's seen its best day.
1. Kansas City  2. Denver (Wild Card)  3. Oakland  4. San Diego

Despite Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh wins the AFC.  Too much offense.  

NFC East: Got to pick Dallas to win it.  Sure, they lost Demarco Murray, but who the Hell thinks he can repeat what he did last year? And, sure, their defense is still a smoke-and-mirrors outfit.  But they got that killer all-pro offensive line, Hell, a Wisconsin running back could get 1500 yards behind them, and they got Romo and Bryant, so the Cowboys look like 10 wins, EZ.  The Philadelphia Eagles?  Who the Hell understands all the moves Chip Kelly made?  The most puzzling, and the biggest gamble, is Samantha Bradford at QB.  That's likely the make-or-break for Kelly, and given Samantha Bradley's fragile knees, it looks like a break.  And you have to wonder what the veteran Eagle players think of Kelly. . .after dumping about half the roster in his first two years, he don't seem like the most loyal guy. . .in fact, he seems like the kind of coach the players will quit on, if things go sour early.  If Kelly knows more about Bradford than everybody else, the Eagles could win the division. . .more likely, they'll finish 3rd.  The New York Giants should have a pretty explosive offense.  They got All-World WR Odell Beckham back for his second year, and former big play guy Victor Cruz returns from injury, so Eli Manning should be able to throw it all over the field.  The running backs still look mediocre, though.  And old geezer head coach Tom Coughlin will need his old DC coordinator Steve Spagnuolo to work a miracle with the Giants shitty defense if he wants to make one last playoff run.  The Washington Redskins suck.  Jay Gruden looked like a sitcom head coach last year, with his goofy post-game press conferences. Amazingly, Gruden thought it was a good idea to bring in Joe Barry to try to fix the Redskins' mediocre defense.  Ha ha. Barry is the worst defensive coordinator in NFL history, he got his only other DC gig by marrying Rod Marinelli's daughter, and promptly fielded the #32 ranked defense on the infamous 2008 0-16 Detroit Lions team.  Huh?  And, oh, yeah, Gruden somehow figures everybody will forget how he threw RGIII under the bus last year, because he couldn't find anybody better for this year.  Hopeless.

1. Dallas  2. New York Giants (Wild Card)  3. Philadelphia  100. Washington

NFC North: Green Bay all the way.  No more Suh to worry about, the Packers are a lock.  They got almost as loaded an offense as Pittsburgh, and, unlike the Steelers, they have a pretty solid defense.  They choked away a Super Bowl appearance with their late-game collapse in Seattle last year.  It's Super Bowl or bust for the Pack this year.  The Vikings should surpass the Suh-less Lions for 2nd in the division.  They got #28 back, and he will make Teddy Bridgewater's job much, much easier.  Mike Zimmer is putting together the pieces of a monster defense in Minnesota.  This year, they challenge for a Wild Card.  Next year, they challenge the Packers.  The Detroit Lions lose Suh, and that means pressure falls on Matthew Stafford to put some more points on the board, the Lion defense simply won't be as good.  Stafford's a real head-scratcher.  He can make all the throws. . .but not all the time.  Will he ever be anything other than a streaky gunslinger?  Calvin Johnson is wearing down, and can't be counted on to play a full season anymore.  Golden Tate was the Free Agent of the Year last year, and should have another big season.  The Lions hope to boost their perennially-shitty-since-Barry-Sanders-retired run game with Nebraska RB Ameer Abdullah. . he'll probably follow in the busted footsteps of Jahvid Best, Mikel Leshoure and Reggie Bush. . .meaning more work for plow horse Joique Bell.  No Suh, so the Lions won't have the #2 Total Defense, but it still should be good enough that the Lions fans will want wins, and if they don't get them, they'll try to boo Stafford out of town.  The Chicago Bears still have the pieces for a decent offense, and they got John Fox, a hetero head coach, to replace the faggot Marc Trestman, so the defense won't quit this year.  Fox has a history of winning with oddball QBs, so he could be just what Jay Cutler ordered. . .and if Fox can throw a few quick patches on the defense, the Bears are a dark horse Wild Card pick.

1. Green Bay  2. Minnesota  3. Detroit  4. Chicago

NFC South: Like last year, anybody but Tampa can win the division.  Lovie Smith is putting all his eggs in the Jameis Winston basket.  Good luck with that, Lovie.  I like Atlanta to win, because they got a coach, Dan Quinn, who can fix their shaky defense, and who will restore the power run game, which makes Matt Ryan a serviceable QB.  Carolina's a tough, gutty squad that plays the whole 16 weeks, but they don't have much on offense that Cam Newton can use, and every year their defense loses a couple pieces.  The Saints defense is horrible, and Drew Brees is another year older, and he don't have his security blanket, Jimmy Graham. 

1. Atlanta  2. Carolina  3. New Orleans  4. Tampa Bay 

NFC West: Seattle.  Best defense in football.  By far.  Power run game.  No Percy Harvin to goad Marshawn Lynch into doing something stupid.  How can they not make at least the NFC Title Game?    It's shit-or-get-off-the-pot time for Jeff Fisher in St. Louis.  He's got the defense.  He's got the running back, first round pick Todd Gurley, he's no longer got Samantha Bradley.  Got to get a Wild Card this year, even though Bradley's replacement, Nick Foles, is just a journeyman.  Arizona gets Carson Palmer back, but loses DC coordinator Todd Bowles, he worked wonders with a mediocre collection of players (#24 Total Defense, but #5 in Scoring Defense). The Cardinals will score more with Palmer back, but will give up a lot more points this year. Everybody knows about Jim Harbaugh and San Francisco, and like everybody, I predict they hit rock bottom.  Colin Halfernigger was already coming unglued with Harbaugh, now without him?  The defense is now run by vagabond coach Eric Mangini!  And just lost Aldon Smith (released, DUI).  Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. . .

1. Seattle  2. St. Louis (Wild Card)  3. Arizona  4. San Francisco  

Green Bay over Seattle, then Green Bay over Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl.     

Best Chance For A *Marinelli*: Tennessee, even though they have an easier schedule (2 games against Jax) than Washington (1 game against Tampa).  Ken Whisencunt with a rookie QB coaching a team of players who hate his guts?  Smells like a pile of shit.  If the Titans lose their first game of the year, the Draft Flop Bowl (Mariota vs Winston) against Tampa, the countdown to 0-16 is on.

Flop Rookie QB of the Year: I can't remember a previous draft that had two worse #1 and #2 picks.  Can't stand Winston, but he likely will last a little longer than Mariota.  It could take a season or two before the Law catches up with a white girl's most bestial fantasy, Famous Jameis.  Mariota is a faggot QB, who will be hurt (either physically or mentally) half-way through the season.

First Coach Fired: Mike Pettine.  Dead Coach Walking.  He fucked himself over by shitting on Brian Hoyer with the midget last year.  Everything fell apart after that gutless backstabbing.  He would have been fired if the Brownies hadn't already just had a one-year loser, Rob Chumpzinski or whatever.  Pettine has no chance to win this year with his circus act collection of QBs.  Not fit to be a *leader of men,* anyway.  Fucking front-running goofball.

Throwback Sideline Look of the Year: Remember when Jacksonville actually had a decent football team? They had a tough guy for a head coach who wore a fucking leather jacket on the sidelines. Jack Del Rio. He needs to bring the leather jacket with him to Oakland, it would be a perfect match for the silver and black outlaw tradition.

Henry L. Racicot's 33rd Annual College Football Season Preview

It was great fun for about 2 1/2 years to mock old Urban Meyer at Ohio State, winning all those games that didn't count against a bunch of girls' school teams. . .then OSU went into East Lansing and ran through Michigan State's usually rock solid defense. . .that was the tip-off Meyer was about to climb back to the top. Everybody knows the rest of the story, the 3 game demolition (with a 3rd string QB) of Wisconsin, Alabama and Oregon to win the National Championship.  Now, Meyer is still (and always will be) a drama queen with a phony's script, but we have to give the son-of-a-bitch credit for his football coaching.  I doubt there's ever been a more impressive season-ending run than what Meyer cooked up with his bench-warmer QBs.  The Buckeye offense DESTROYED Wiscy, Bama and the Ducks.  All three supposed tough defenses were helpless against 3rd string QB Cardale Jones and running back Ezekiel Elliott.  Meyer had defensive genius Nick Saban eating his dust at the end of the CFP semi-final.  And there was no luck involved (indeed, all the *bad luck* went against OSU, with their QB injuries) in the Buckeye steamroll to the title, no bonehead calls by refs to tilt the games their way. . .they simply beat the shit out of everybody they played. Meyer put together an indefensible offense and in the process removed the tarnish to his coaching reputation that formed during his bizarre end at Florida.  Meyer is still an unlikable prick. . .but he wins football games better than any Big Time College Football coach who ever lived (excepting a couple at Our Lady).  And he's going to keep on winning this year, as the Buckeyes have an even better team: the same brutalizing offense now paired with what should be a Top 10 defense. . .and another schedule of mostly girls' schools.  They open at Virginia Tech, the only team to beat them last year, in the early post-Braxton Miller days, and then have 9 straight scrimmages until ending the season against Michigan State (in Columbus) and then a trip to Ann Arbor for the first Meyer - Harbaugh Bowl.  Even with the Buckeye's sitting a few starters (including Joey Bosa, the J.J. Watt of college football, i.e., Great White Hype) against Va Tech, there's still not a safer bet for the Playoffs than the Buckeyes.  I doubt they'll lose a game in the regular season. . .it's possible they could lose one game. . .but they aren't gonna lose two when they only play three decent teams (and Virginia Tech and Michigan ain't much more than decent).  The Buckeyes are in the Playoffs. . .

The Other Three Playoff Teams:

After Georgia has let me down so many times, why would I pick them again this year?  Especially when Missouri, who has somehow managed to win the SEC East the last two years (despite the fact Georgia is ten times better) has the EZist schedule in the SEC?  And this year Georgia finally has to play a halfway-tough schedule (match against biggest possible SEC East threat, Tennessee, is on the road, as are games against Auburn and Georgia Tech, plus a home game against Big Boy Alabama. . .and a possible tough neutral site contest against Florida, depending on how quickly the new Gators coach fixes the offense). Missouri has a great coach, Gary Pinkel, the Bill Snyder of the SEC, but I just can't pick them. . .this year Georgia's huge talent advantage finally wins out.  And the Dawgs showed some signs late last year they were ready to shed the Clean Shirt defense label, and the D ought to be even better this year.  On offense they got Nick Chubb, who had a better late season finish than any running back other than Ezekiel Elliott.  Georgia's really only got two question marks: Head Coach Mark Richt, who never quite wins the Big One, and sometimes loses some little ones (uh, remember last year's Florida game?) and QB. . .as in, who the Hell is Georgia's QB?  I have no idea. . .but Richt has four EZ games to open the season, plenty of time to get it figured out before Alabama arrives on Oct 3. . .and Alabama's QB situation ain't much better. . .so we pick Georgia to ride out of the SEC and into the Playoffs.  Who will Georgia beat from the West in the SEC title game?  Forget about Texas A&M (too soft) and Ole Miss (no QB and a couple holes on D). . .Alabama and LSU have QB questions, Mississippi State has the SEC's best returning QB, but they lost just about everybody else. . . a Big 10 team destroyed Alabama last year, so maybe I should pick Wisconsin South, Arkansas, but they have a brutal schedule. . .that leaves Auburn, with their new defensive coordinator, the guy who couldn't head coach Florida, Will Muskrat or whatever.  OK.  Auburn wins the West.

There's no way the CFP bones the Big 12 a second consecutive year.  The Big 12 winner is IN.  And the Big 12 champ will be:

TCU, the only team that might have been on Ohio State's level at the end of last season.  The Horned Frogs (!?!?) have ten starters back from the nation's #2 points-per-game offense, including the Big One, QB and Heisman Favorite Trevone Boykin.  But is their defense good enough?  Which means, can they outscore Baylor at home in the season-ender (I figure TCU will lose one of their two Oklahoma road games)?  Baylor has an even easier schedule than TCU (only one Oklahoma road game), but the memory of the way they choked against Michigan State in the Cotton Bowl bothers me. . .they were undisciplined, cocky, and downright stupid in the fourth quarter.  They lack a Champion's class. . .can't pick them.  The Big 12's traditional powers, Oklahoma and Texas, are nothing special. 

Who gets the final CFP spot?  Notre Dame?  With their schedule (Texas, Georgia Tech, Clemson, USC, Stanford), there's no way they finish with less than two losses.  That leaves either the ACC winner (Clemson or Georgia Tech) or the Pac-12 winner (Oregon, USC, Arizona State, UCLA, Hell, maybe even Utah).  Clemson has the best QB, Deshaun Watson (at least, for as long as his knee holds out) and the most manageable schedule.  We'll give them the #4 seed.

So here's your CFP bracket:

#1 Ohio State vs #4 Clemson

#2 TCU vs #3 Georgia

Next Best 4:

Michigan State, Oregon, Auburn, Georgia Tech

Dark Horse 4:

UCLA, Virginia Tech, Utah, West Virginia

Jew Freshman QB of the Year:

Josh Rosen, UCLA. . .got all the pieces surrounding him to win BIG right away, so if he's as good as his high school hype, we'll have a Jew Tebow, minus the media backlash against his religion, of course.  And get ready to hear over and over and over again how smart and successful his parents are. . .oy vey!

Darrell Hazell Shitty Negro Wonder Boy Coach of the Year:

Who will have the worst season? Charlie Strong (Texas), James Franklin (Penn State), Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M) or David Shaw (Stanford)?   Strong.  Charlie set the NCAA record for moral victories in his first year in Austin.  You wonder if the old blueblood Longhorn boosters, who put up with Massah Charlie's ridiculous housecleaning routine last year, will take all those fake victories again this year, or will they make quick work of their negro wonder boy experiment, and look for a white man (Mark Dantonio?) to clean up Charlie's mess?  Any half-way decent white coach working with Texas' talent and soft schedule should win 10 games.  I bet Charlie don't get more than 8. 

Fading Big 10 Coach of the Year: 

Pat Fitzgerald (Northwestern) or Kirk Ferentz (Iowa)? Both have had a couple of mediocre seasons while playing soft schedules (especially Iowa) in the weakest division of a Power conference.  It will be particularly bad for Ferentz if he has another crummy season while Michigan rebounds with the 5th year senior QB he chased away (Jake Rudock).  Once again NU has the tougher schedule, but I'll still pick Fitzgerald to have the better season--it's hard to believe his best years are already behind him at age 40. . .plus he's got 8 starters back from a decent defense.

Shittiest White (or kinda White) Coaches:

1. Norm Chow (Hawaii)

2. Tim Beckman (Illinois)

3. Doug Martin (New Mexico State)

4. Todd Monken (Southern Mississippi)

5. Ron Turner (Florida International)

Jameis Winston Negro QB Assault on White Girl of the Year:

De'Andre Johnson