First-ever *Playoffs!* No more BCS and the endless whining and politicking over the flawed system to pick which two teams should play for the *National Championship.* Now we can have endless whining and politicking over the flawed system to pick which four teams should play for the *National Championship.* Double the fun!
The new system is a power conference(+1) power play designed to pick four teams to play-off for the *National Championship* from the Big 12, Big 10, Pac-12, SEC, ACC(+Notre Dame if the Irish have a zero or one loss season).
And now there is even less reason to give a shit about the other sixty-three teams in the FBS. . .
And now there is even less reason to give a shit about the other sixty-three teams in the FBS. . .
Prediction for 2014-15 *playoffs*:
#1 Florida State vs #4 UCLA
#2 Oklahoma vs #3 Georgia
Florida State is a lock. They have the Hymen Trophy winner Jameis Winston back and a schedule featuring twelve teams they can undress as easily as Famous Jameis undresses white girls.
Oklahoma gets Baylor at home in what amounts to the Big 12 play-in game.
Georgia has more running backs and receivers than most NFL teams and they hired a defensive coordinator who knows how to beat Auburn, so they win the SEC Title Game.
UCLA is my wild-card pick over Oregon or Michigan State. Oregon hosts MSU in a Week Two elimination game, and I have a feeling the other shoe is about to drop for the Spartans. They've been in the right place at the right time in the shitty Big 10 for the last three or four years and now they're mistaken for a *National Power.* I'll be shocked if Oregon doesn't roll them by at least two touchdowns. I pick UCLA over Oregon because the Bruins have an easier schedule and Oregon is always the hot chick in the beauty contest who leads all the way, then when the money is on the line chokes on the final question and finishes runner-up.
The Best of the Rest: South Carolina, Alabama.
Long Shots: Washington, Ole Miss, BYU
Will Win Their First 10 Games And I Still Wouldn't Rank Them In The Top 50: Iowa. Joke schedule. Ten girl's schools to start the season, then two season-ending home games against Wisconsin and Nebraska. They could be 11 - 1 by accident, get a fluke win over Michigan State or Ohio State in the Big 10 Title Game, then shame the conference forever by losing to Florida State by 50+ points in the Semi-Final game.
WEEK ONE PICKS:
Texas A&M -10.5 at South Carolina: While governments in western Africa struggle to find a way to contain the Ebola outbreak, the coaching staffs at A&M and SC struggle to find new QBs. A&M has better options for replacing Johnny Football than SC does for Connor Shaw, but Steve Spurrier's never had a great QB in Columbia, anyway. Spurrier won with the fun 'n' gun at Florida, but at South Carolina the old ball coach wins the old school way: with a power run game and tough defense, both of which he'll have again in 2014. SC's defense should rough up A&M's new QB Kenny Hill enough to allow the Gamecocks to cover. South Carolina.
UCF -1.5 vs Penn State: Despite losing Blake Bortles and three offensive linemen, Central Florida is still a slight favorite. Sure, they beat PSU last year in Happy Valley, and capped off their from-out-of-nowhere season with a huge upset win over Baylor in the Fiesta Bowl, but, hey, they're still UCF. I guess the experts figure UCF's defense can shut down hotshot PSU QB Christian Hackenberg, who lost most of last year's supporting cast. New Nittany Lions head coach James Franklin was the SEC's colored version of Pat Fitzgerald, i.e., coach of a girl's school who wins 7 or 8 games every year against boy's schools. Now the brown Franklin is at a boy's school where the fan base expects to win, especially against an American Athletic Conference team. Penn State.
Ohio State -14 at Navy: Poor Urban Meyer! Nobody's ever had a more meaningless 24 game win streak, and now he loses Braxton Miller. Ha ha! If the Urb loses two or three early games, his collar will tighten, but he'll claim the pained expression on his face is from tightness in the chest! Hell, if Navy's defense can stop OSU's run game just enough to force new QB J.T. Barrett to have to complete a few passes, Navy could win this game outright. Navy has a helluva QB in Kennan Reynolds and their triple option offense will drive the Buckeyes, er, nuts. Navy.
Clemson +7.5 at Georgia: Clemson's lost all the superstars who shredded Georgia's horseshit defense in last year's win. On top of that, the Dawgs fired their inept defensive coordinator and replaced him with FSU's National Championship Winning guy. Result: Clemson gets their ass kicked this year. In fact, Georgia should kick everybody's ass this year. It's true they got a new QB, if a ten year back-up can be considered *new,* but all the journeyman Hutson Mason has to do is hand the ball off to one of Georgia's three NFL running backs and mix in the occasional deep ball to one of their four NFL receivers, and Georgia wins every week. If Georgia loses five games again this year, it won't be the defensive coordinator who gets fired. Georgia.
Florida State -17.5 vs Oklahoma State: For Jameis Winston to repeat as the Hymen Trophy winner, he'll need to molest more white girls than he did last year, and keep the felony warrants issued against him at zero. Florida State.
Wisconsin -4.5 vs LSU: Here's another game with both teams looking for QBs. In fact, as of today, neither team had settled yet on a starter. Oh, well, another year, another shitty QB at LSU. When you consider Jamarcus Russell was Les Miles' best QB, it's amazing how many games this guy has won. This is a tough game to call. The Badgers will likely be breaking in a new QB, and having to go against LSU's defense right out of the gate is a tall order. But Wisconsin does have the offensive line and running backs to punch holes in LSU's front wall. Then again, Wisconsin's defense looks a little thin, with eight new starters. This looks like a real ground war, with both teams trying to pound the ball for four quarters. Going against the Mad Hatter, Wisconsin may be in for another gut-wrenching final play freak defeat like the one they took against Arizona State last year. LSU.
LLOYD CARR MEMORIAL BOWL:
Appalachian State +34.5 at Michigan: A rematch of the 2007 embarrassment, when #5 Michigan lost to the FCS Mountaineers, and which marked the beginning of the end for Lloyd Carr. Truth is, even though Michigan is unranked, it would be an even bigger upset if Appy won this year. The 2007 Appy team was GOOD, and won their third straight FCS title that year and had a great QB, Armanti Edwards, running a spread option offense the lazy Michigan coaching staff never bothered catching up to (as evidenced in the following week's humiliating 39 - 7 defeat to Oregon). This year's Appalachian State team sucks. As for the Wolverines, even with a new offensive coordinator, former Alabama OC Doug Nussmeier, Michigan's offense will probably still suck, as they have no offensive line and no running backs, but the defense should be solid enough and the schedule easy enough for Michigan to win 8 or 9 games, this one included, though they won't cover the 34.5. Appalachian State.
WEEK ONE PICKS:
Texas A&M -10.5 at South Carolina: While governments in western Africa struggle to find a way to contain the Ebola outbreak, the coaching staffs at A&M and SC struggle to find new QBs. A&M has better options for replacing Johnny Football than SC does for Connor Shaw, but Steve Spurrier's never had a great QB in Columbia, anyway. Spurrier won with the fun 'n' gun at Florida, but at South Carolina the old ball coach wins the old school way: with a power run game and tough defense, both of which he'll have again in 2014. SC's defense should rough up A&M's new QB Kenny Hill enough to allow the Gamecocks to cover. South Carolina.
UCF -1.5 vs Penn State: Despite losing Blake Bortles and three offensive linemen, Central Florida is still a slight favorite. Sure, they beat PSU last year in Happy Valley, and capped off their from-out-of-nowhere season with a huge upset win over Baylor in the Fiesta Bowl, but, hey, they're still UCF. I guess the experts figure UCF's defense can shut down hotshot PSU QB Christian Hackenberg, who lost most of last year's supporting cast. New Nittany Lions head coach James Franklin was the SEC's colored version of Pat Fitzgerald, i.e., coach of a girl's school who wins 7 or 8 games every year against boy's schools. Now the brown Franklin is at a boy's school where the fan base expects to win, especially against an American Athletic Conference team. Penn State.
Ohio State -14 at Navy: Poor Urban Meyer! Nobody's ever had a more meaningless 24 game win streak, and now he loses Braxton Miller. Ha ha! If the Urb loses two or three early games, his collar will tighten, but he'll claim the pained expression on his face is from tightness in the chest! Hell, if Navy's defense can stop OSU's run game just enough to force new QB J.T. Barrett to have to complete a few passes, Navy could win this game outright. Navy has a helluva QB in Kennan Reynolds and their triple option offense will drive the Buckeyes, er, nuts. Navy.
Clemson +7.5 at Georgia: Clemson's lost all the superstars who shredded Georgia's horseshit defense in last year's win. On top of that, the Dawgs fired their inept defensive coordinator and replaced him with FSU's National Championship Winning guy. Result: Clemson gets their ass kicked this year. In fact, Georgia should kick everybody's ass this year. It's true they got a new QB, if a ten year back-up can be considered *new,* but all the journeyman Hutson Mason has to do is hand the ball off to one of Georgia's three NFL running backs and mix in the occasional deep ball to one of their four NFL receivers, and Georgia wins every week. If Georgia loses five games again this year, it won't be the defensive coordinator who gets fired. Georgia.
Florida State -17.5 vs Oklahoma State: For Jameis Winston to repeat as the Hymen Trophy winner, he'll need to molest more white girls than he did last year, and keep the felony warrants issued against him at zero. Florida State.
Wisconsin -4.5 vs LSU: Here's another game with both teams looking for QBs. In fact, as of today, neither team had settled yet on a starter. Oh, well, another year, another shitty QB at LSU. When you consider Jamarcus Russell was Les Miles' best QB, it's amazing how many games this guy has won. This is a tough game to call. The Badgers will likely be breaking in a new QB, and having to go against LSU's defense right out of the gate is a tall order. But Wisconsin does have the offensive line and running backs to punch holes in LSU's front wall. Then again, Wisconsin's defense looks a little thin, with eight new starters. This looks like a real ground war, with both teams trying to pound the ball for four quarters. Going against the Mad Hatter, Wisconsin may be in for another gut-wrenching final play freak defeat like the one they took against Arizona State last year. LSU.
LLOYD CARR MEMORIAL BOWL:
Appalachian State +34.5 at Michigan: A rematch of the 2007 embarrassment, when #5 Michigan lost to the FCS Mountaineers, and which marked the beginning of the end for Lloyd Carr. Truth is, even though Michigan is unranked, it would be an even bigger upset if Appy won this year. The 2007 Appy team was GOOD, and won their third straight FCS title that year and had a great QB, Armanti Edwards, running a spread option offense the lazy Michigan coaching staff never bothered catching up to (as evidenced in the following week's humiliating 39 - 7 defeat to Oregon). This year's Appalachian State team sucks. As for the Wolverines, even with a new offensive coordinator, former Alabama OC Doug Nussmeier, Michigan's offense will probably still suck, as they have no offensive line and no running backs, but the defense should be solid enough and the schedule easy enough for Michigan to win 8 or 9 games, this one included, though they won't cover the 34.5. Appalachian State.
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